John Terry
John Terry regularly changing into Chelsea kit, despite not having played at all, so that at the end of the game he can lap up the applause along with players who've just run around to win a game. Nob head.
Apple Carts
I have never even seen a fucking apple cart, yet I am accused on a regular basis of having upset one, or I at least acknowledge that I've metaphorically upset one. Do they exist anymore?
Pear Shaped
What the hell is wrong with pears that they get such a bad press (other than when being squeezed for cider)? In fact, there is no excuse for this bullying of pears when cider is in fact rather tasty! Describing something as 'pear shaped' should not be derogatory.
Dale Winton
Dale Winton's posture is most definitely silly. This peculiar hunched position and lack of neck mobility means we have to watch him turning like a puppet, rather than a human. Does he want me to take that as my final answer? Yes! Hopefully that's 'locked in' now.
Ashley Cole
Quite simply a silly twat by all accounts. The confusion on whether he will be captain of the team tomorrow was typical of Hodgson and the FA, who couldn't organised a shoot-out on a rifle range. Cole leading the England team is rather a worrying thought, and I wondered whether the players would all prance around in their underpants, shoot someone or simply try to pull a female. If the cap fits, Ashley, then at least she'll not get pregnant!
Samia Ghadie
Does she really think that anyone gives a toss about her new breasts? Or her day-to-day life with Sylvain Longchambonbonbon? Sorry, luv, but there's no reason for you to be disclosing trivia to the media about the three tits involved - four, counting you! "I'm definitely happy about them" is not the quote I wanted to hear today by a Longchambon shot!
Liberace
The people who decided that a film about Liberace starring Michael Douglas and Matt Damon were deluded and confused. The end result is a film that I would not watch even if I was invited to a premiere, or was posted a free DVD. What a totally unattractive spectacle is Michael Douglas mincing around a set with Damon in tow. Surely there must have been something else to do with a few million dollars?
Will.i.am
Enough said.
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