Yet another traumatic experience with Ryanair last week. Both ways, the landings were really heavy - but that was the least traumatic element of my journeys to/from Spain. The most annoying aspect was the incessant gabbling of the cabin crew; it seems their job descriptions, without exception, require them all to emit a stream of useless information, committed to memory for regurgitation whenever the mood takes them. It is all relentless. After making my way down the plane (apparently I needed to be told to do this, during the boarding process) I found what was described as a "free and available seat" rather than one already occupied by a hot fat sweaty cunt. After the usual cliches and safety instructions (which include a diagram showing a brace position which is impossible to achieve between seats that seemed rather closer together than back in April) I was invited by the noisy Donna to "sit back, relax and enjoy the flight". This was a short-lived phase, because three minutes later she was back on the tannoy explaining the forthcoming efforts of the cabin crew to administer to our needs (and rip us off). Her voice went up and down in all the standard places, as little bursts of useless info were forced through the speakers at 'disturbing the peace' sound levels. The public-speaking expert then said, "The use of the toilets are not permitted" . . . !!!
A couple of things are worth noting, to demonstrate the amazing parallel universe of 'Ryanair World'. The first is the price of Pepsi. A small can (150ml) was 1.80 euros. At the exchange rate on board the 737-800 aeroplane, this equated to £3.65 for the equivalent of a normal can (330ml). That is daylight/airline robbery! By the way, Heineken was equivalent to £7.14 per pint!
The second ludicrous factor was reading the Ryanair "Amazing Deals on Tickets". For various attractions (eg. Madame Tussauds) it was possible to buy tickets in advance and save a few quid. But there was a curious inclusion of The London Eye within the offer; apparently the 'savings' were worthy of our time in considering whether to spend loads of money well in advance, to make a saving. Buying from Ryanair is possible at:
Adult - £18.00 Child - £9.50
These prices compare with the price you would pay on the day you decide to visit, at:
Adult - £18.60 Child - £9.54
So, 60p off for an adult, and 4 fucking pence for kids! Bargain of the century, eh?
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