Diamond Jubilee - The Queen on Tour. Jennie Bond reports on the Queen's recent trip to the southwest of England as part of the Diamond Jubilee Tour.
I didn't know that Jennie Bond was still active, and am quite sure that she would have preferred the TV listing to have read:
The Queen reports on Jennie Bond's recent trip to the southwest of England as part of the Diamond Jubilee Tour.
At the weekend, the TV was on as Mrs MWSC watched a lot of boats making their way up the Thames. The BBC seemed to have roped in hoards of people to 'report' on the event, and it seems OTT. Few had very much to say that was original/needed/purposeful. As ever, there was much jumping from one person to the next, so that we could be asked to "Look at that!" and hear the comment "What a marvellous spectacle" from each person elected to tell us nothing. For some reason, Ben Fogle was in a rowing boat, and was reporting for the BBC to no effect or benefit. What was weird was the presence of Clare Balding on the leading boat (Gloriana) as there must surely have been enough for the rowers to do without dealing with extra weight. She managed to ask Steve Redgrave something pointless while he was rowing and slightly puffing, and I wondered whether she ought to be elsewhere, chasing a beagle or smoking a horse, or shearing sheep.
Her pointlessness could not match that of the reporter who at lunchtime on Saturday had visited Scotland to talk to people having a street party. In front of some tables, and people holding Union Flags, he posed a question to a woman. I realised I had not misheard.
"What's the purpose of this party, do you think?" must be one of the all time most stupid questions, considering the circumstances.
I am not saying all the acts on the concert tonight were awful, just most of them. Much worse than the singers (I'll come to them in a minute) were the useless people introducing them, and allegedly trying to be funny. The worse offender by far was the seriously UNFUNNY and hopeless Lenny Henry. Please, someone at the BBC, can you own up to being the twat who thought him suitable for a slot introducing anything, and being even more stupid to let him come out with comments that were dire. His main talent seems to be as a cheerleader, with "Everybody say 'Yeah'" and not just the once either. He used this approach [something that would be embarrassing at a primary school party] repeatedly. Then it got worse, and even more inappropriate -
All the black folks say 'Yeah'. [That silenced the crowd completely]
All three of us, let's fight. [Nothing]
Lenny, call it a day, a year, a career and go now.
Others were not quite so stupid, unfunny or inappropriate. Maybe one of them at a time, or simply lame in their efforts to come up with links and funny comments. I will not mention them because life is too short. As for the singers, well, variable.
I know it is apparently compulsory to wheel out certain people at events like these, and so Elton John, Cliff Richard and Paul McCartney were fielded; they were collectively like a human traffic light.
Elton, Green - he was okay. His voice has lost something these days, but never mind, because there's no doubt he's a star.
Cliff, Amber - he was pretty awful, moved about like Kate Bush on acid, and revealed he's lost the plot a bit. I think he ought to be kept under house arrest in his house in Barbados. He is excused to some degree because for some reason he was liked by enough people [I've never worked out who they are, though].
Paul, Red - he was shite. He wailed, looked like a corpse, sang like one, and basically traded off a history that was one of putting nursery rhymes to music in the sixties. This awful formulaic offering was truly embarrassing. I was for the most part watching "Quantum of Solace" on the other side, to save me from this "Omission of Talent" on BBC1.
Truly Awful - and retirement is overdue by three decades
We'd already had Lang Lang playing the music from the Galaxy advert, and Alfie Boe singing the Cornetto song. The latter was so bad it was cringeworthy, especially when he got all 'rock 'n' roll' about it. Everybody loves Kylie (it's compulsory) so even though she is not a good singer, she's accepted. Tom Jones did what Tom Jones does. Meanwhile Grace Jones sang while keeping her hula hoop going for the whole song.
I have no idea whether it was all good live, and whether the atmosphere made up for the mixed quaility of the performances. Diamonds Are Forever, but Shirley Bassey certainly isn't - she was pretty weak. However, the weakest thing of the whole evening was Cheryl Cole's voice; what an embarrassment. Do us all a favour and stop pretending to be a singer, and stick to beauty products where you might just be 'worth it', as opposed to being 'worthless' in the music world. Robbie was not much cop, and what the fuck anyone has to do to escape Will.i.am I just don't know. The guy is everywhere; could someone at the Foreign Office take away his visa and send him home. His singing (can we legitimately call it that?) was atrocious - it's a wonder Stevie didn't punch him in the nuts.
Anyway, I was happy catching odd bits of the concert in the breaks, as I thought a further viewing of James Bond would be more entertaining than the stuff on BBC1. I think I was right.
...
No comments:
Post a Comment