After his stupidity in getting a two-match ban, and therefore only being available for the Ukraine match and then the Italy one on Sunday, you'd have thought he might be inspired to make the most of his slimmed-down opportunity to impress. No. The picture above was printed in The Sun on a double page spread, and we had to endure further claims that 'now' is the time with TV adverts as well. Shame, then, that it was a lie, and the slogan should instead have read: "My Time Has Gone".
The lethargy displayed against the Italians was blatant, and the effort Ashley Cole put into his penalty kick was mildly less than the energy exerted by Milner singing the National Anthem - and a long way short of the 16 kilo-joules per hour used by Roy Hodgson in biting his fingernails. As for Ashley Young and his penalty miss, I can only state that he should not have even been on the pitch. Roy used three substitutes, and yet the worst player (Young) stayed on the pitch, as did the second worst player (Rooney). That suggests that Roy made a howler for two of the three swapouts.
So, Wayne, your time was not then, is not now, and probably won't be anytime soon. So disappointing. Most of the players looked tired, and I find myself thinking "how many times have I heard that sorry excuse before?".
The display by the England team on Sunday 24th June was no better than the display by England on Sunday 18th, when the opposing team was Holland. If you are getting slightly confused, it's because I am toying with you, and making reference to the women's football. Yes, Match of the Day on 18th was a game between our women and those from Holland / The Netherlands, thus Dutch women. All rather confusing, and made somewhat worse by the abbreviated detail in the top left of the TV screen. ENG for England makes perfect sense, but NED was inappropriate for Holland. Commentary quite clearly referred to "the Dutch" and "Holland" yet the abbreviation referred to The Netherlands, or more accurately Nederlands, considering the use of NED. Why should the BBC revert to the Dutch spelling of the name of the country that's not used in the commentary? In the Euro Championship, we had DEN for Denmark and not their own version (DAN) so as ever there's inconsistency. I should point out that subsequently, on ITV, I saw HOL on the top of the screen for a Euro match, yet 'Netherlands' when the larger scoreline caption was intermitently shown across the bottom of the screen.
Anyone who watched the match would have experienced frustration, boredom and agony as the drawn out process of 90 minutes elapsing managed to use up a full 90 minutes of life to no positive effect. I did in fact switch over to Channel 5, to watch (again, after a ten-year gap) the film Dirty Dancing, as there was certainly much more chance of a goal than watching the women kick the ball back and forth. In fact, Patrick Swayze scored, so I was proved correct. I did flick back during the numerous breaks, and was clever/lucky with the timing, for I caught the only goal in the game, seeing an England player take a quick free kick, catching the Dutch out - the orange-shirted players were unaware, and the ball went in while they were deciding on how to build a wall. Meanwhile, Baby was being shown how to spread her legs, and watch out for balls of a hairier variety.
The ref was female, as were the linespeople. Commentary was performed by Jacqui Oatley, and ex-footballer Lucy Ward, who would not shut up; her constant drivel and dribbling was awful. Lucy's best comments came at the very beginning of the game, when she was talking about the Dutch:
"They're all internationals; they've all got experience." [Amazing insight, eh?]
"The Dutch have got players who look like they can score goals." [I should fucking hope so!]
I think the men might have done better against Italy by swapping Rooney for one of the women who looked like they might be able to score a goal, and Wayne could have huffed and puffed with the girls, although probably a bit less energetically than Patrick Swayze.
So, nine days ago, England (Women) won 1-0, baked 48 cakes, plaited hair at half time, filed their nails, and gave the ball away to the opponents 117 times. Luckily for them, the Dutch gave the ball away (to England) 119 times, allowing a very slight advantage in a match that was very even. Meanwhile, in the men's game with Italy two days ago, England gave the ball away 117 times, and the Italians gave it back to us twice. England managed 203 passes, Italy clocked up 807. The Italians tried hard and wanted to win, pushing forward with vigour. England players tried a little bit, wanting not to lose, pushing players here and there, and didn't know what to do with the ball when they got it.
Mr Hodgson, I suggest you get rid of some old players, and start again from scratch. Maybe the lame ones could get a wax treatment, and play for the women's team?
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