On the TV advert, the daughter is off travelling around the world, and we see her drop some money in the far east. In her gap year, the temporary gap in her finances is filled by her doting father who receives a phone call from his distraught daughter. Somehow she contrived to drop her money and nothing else, so she had her cashpoint card, and was able to withdraw the £1500 her dad transfered to her account in a matter of half a nanosecond. All this is very twee, and whilst any father would want to help his child, it's all rather middle-class and convenient that he is able to do so without a care in the world. I know this because at the end of the advert, he's walking along the street drinking a coffee and he smiles to himself on seeing a NatWest sign. Yes, mate, what a hoot! Good old NatWest, eh? Helpful Banking - from the arseholes that fucked up big time and lost billions.
Strikes
I would like to point out that we are in 21st century, and that these days, workers' rights are not quite as tested as they were in the days of workhouses. The is a national minimum wage, ludicrously high and freely available benefits, legislation to protect employees, and health & safety measures that are now extreme to the point of stupidity. It is therefore unlikely that the need to strike is desperate enough to demand walkouts - and yet we have now, in the middle of the toughest economic claimate for ages, groups of workers desperate to stop working. Doctors (yes, the ones whose wages averate £100,000 and who will averagely have a pension of £49,000 per year upon retirement) are pissed off and are holding a day of action. Teachers are equally prepared to strike. Tube workers in some areas are up for it as well. The tanker drivers threatened to strike recently, and their dispute is still not resolved. Driving examiners are at it, as are employees of the Maritime & Coastguard Agency. There will be more, of course. It seems not to matter that the country is penniless, and it seems not to matter that the demands of these mainly public sector workers are out of synch with the private sector. Vital services being disrupted is hardly helpful to the country, the economy, or other citizens. There is no basis for striking, and I have no sympathy for anyone who wants to withhold labour/services and cost other people time, money and effort, plus inconvenience thousands - all for self-serving reasons.
Holland
The European Championships start on Friday. I have seen one TV trailer which primed me with details of a game featuring The Netherlands. I am sorry, but after decades of the team being called 'Holland', I cannot now switch to The Netherlands.
TV Competitions
The use of 'competition' is unwarranted in just about every example of a lottery that accompanies a TV programme these days. It is obligatory for programmes to include the chance to win something or other, and to make the process fall outside of lottery regulations, it is necessary to make things involve skill - apparently. As a result, we are given pathetic questions so that in effect, we are invited to buy a chance of winning for £1 plus the cost of a text message, or in some cases, much more. In recent editions of '60 Minute Makeover', where people have their homes tarted up, we've had questions like: What does DIY stand for? A Done In Yellow B Do It Yourself C Did It Yesterday. There was also this one:
According to a line from the film and the song, there's no place like:
A Oz
B Kansas
C Home
Kelly Brook
Does anyone understand why Kelly Brook seems to feature in the newspapers so regularly, when she does fuck all? There are numerous photographs confirming her pointlessness, and I want to know whose idea it was to follow her every move.
Guilty Pleasure
The term 'Guilty Pleasure' should be banned from all television broadcasts, newspapers and radio. There is no circumstance where use of the term is permissible. It is one of the most nauseating, annoying, pathetic and manufactured pair of words ever thought of, and has no place in society.
Roy Hodgson
The team managed to beat two teams in a row, by the amazing scoreline of 1-0. Yes, we took out Norway in a boring match, and last week managed to beat Belgium. It's all very well to be pleased with winning friendly matches, but to do so is completely pointless unless there's some progress that will pay off in a competition. Danny Welbeck scored a goal, and whilst he took his chance well, it was made easier for him by the goalie, who need not have come off his line. A covering defender was challenging, and I could have stopped the ball myself if I were on the goal line. So, rather lucky then, that the goal came about. If it had finished 0-0 then that would have been slightly more testing for Roy. So often we seem to miss the point, and winning does us no service at all in friendly matches unless we play well and win!
Patrice Evra
It seems cameras caught him wiping his arse with the national team shirt. Yes, unbelievably, he sat on the bench as a sub in the France v Serbia game last week, and was messing about with the poorest taste imaginable. The manager of the national team should oust him immediately, and he should not be allowed to play for France again. What a horrible nob, and this demonstrates everything obnoxious about present day overpaid footballers who do not respect their good fortune.
Islington
A £1.8milliom house is being renovated at taxpayers' expense. It has five bedrooms, a games room and a large basement. It has a 40ft garden, three bathroom suites and a massive kitchen. It comes with access to a residents-only play area, that even has a basketball court. The property in Granville Square WC1 is most definitely in a sought-after area, where the rent on a one-bedroom flat is about £1200 per month. It's amazing therefore that the tennants of the large property will be paying just £1000 per month - and that's from benefits! Islington Cuntin Council is moving in a family with four kids and one on the way, to display perfectly the utter lunacy of housing policy, councils and the UK being fucked up. The property would be able to fetch £8000 per month in the open market. So, a lucky family gets it free (well, the housing benefit of £1000 is used up on it) while other local residents work their bollocks off to maintain properties a quarter of the size. MADNESS.
Co-op Doors
The Un-Co-operative has extended its non-co-operation to the automatic sliding door that moves when sensors pick up motion on either side. Walking into the Co-op now involves, if one is not careful, walking into it literally - into the fucking door. There must be something in this that proves the Cunt-op is targeting old people. Whilst the older shoppers probably have more difficulty in working out the extent to which they are being ripped off on pricing, they are at least able to gain entry without any perceivable problem. The speed at which the large glass door slides out of the way is perfect for anyone using a zimmer frame or wearing 'comfy shoes'. Anyone with a spritely step will batter the fucking glass, or find his/her blood pressure rising (notwithstanding the loss of blood that now renders the glass smeared with red) before stepping inside the place, let alone after inspecting the cost of eggs. [£1.89 for 10, for the smallest cheapest shittiest ones, so 19p each as opposed to 10p in Asda, but 70p each for the big, free-range hand-packed, ethically watched, limousine carried, pampered other ones on the shelf].
Sofa Study
A US research team has reached a fantastic conclusion after a study involving 204 adults, who all had bad health habits. They were all paid to get off their sofas, exercise and adopt a better diet. The researchers found that watching less TV, eating more veg and exercising can have a dramatic effect on your health. Not fucking shit, Sherlock!
Bathroom
In the northeast, there's a TV reporter called Juliet Barthram. Unfortunately the pronunciation in the northeast is identical to that for 'bathroom'. I suggest that Juliet moves to the south, where she will more easily escape the link - I suggest not moving to Looe, though.
Need To Pee
There is a weird custom now, whereby people in control of meetings have adopted the phrase "comfort break" when announcing that there will be a chance for those desperate for a piss to go and have one. On breakfast TV the other day, one of the two muppets on the sofa asked a guest (an expert on etiquette) what one should do when in a queue, but in need of a comfort break. TWAT! No way is it proper use of language to suggest that someone in a queues who has been waiting for a while might need a "comfort break" !!! Fucking poncy euphemisms and gobbledygook should be banned.
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