4.6.12 Celebrity Comments

Last week, so-called 'celebrities' managed to come out with more bollocks.  On MSN there was a selection of quotes that included pure pointlessness, and it was only Professor Green who managed to say anything that was worthy of applause at all - clearly he's the most educated of this sorry rabble below.

Professor Green
"I'd put all of TOWIE in prison.  Or maybe I'd kill them all and the country's IQ would rise!"
Well done for that - totally on the money and sensible as well.

Melanie Sykes
"Get off Twitter and get back into bed!  God you are insatiable!  I love it!"
We do not want to know about any of this, you sad individual; get a grip.  Just because a 26-year-old wants to poke you for a short while, don't get carried away.

Katie Price
"I'm not thinking of weddings 'cause obviously I'm not divorced from the tranny yet."
You are so shallow and unattractive - physically, and more importantly, personality-wise.

Jessie J
"Last year I was a girl, this year a woman because I get my bum out more."
You're certainly talking like an arse, and most of your input on The Voice was bollocks, because there was a severe lack of honesty from all judges.

Cheryl Cole
"She's a free spirit . . . . She doesn't care if she calls somebody a **** on Twitter."
Yep, Rihanna is certainly a loose canon, and doesn't give a shit - and quite frankly I don't give one about her and her self-obsessed ways - or you, luv.  Still getting tips from Marcel Marceau?

Rihanna
"Cheryl Cole is hot.  I would like just to watch her . . . picking up stuff on the floor, bending over."
Please can you desist in making any form of comment on any matter.  You are in the newspapers so much that it is beyond a joke - as is the compulsory reference to your being 'born in the Bahamas' or more commonly (because writers seem to love using the word) 'Bajan'.  Whatever happened to 'Barbadian' then?  Anyway, Your fantasies over the mime artist are of no interest to me.

Twitter is the curse of humanity and of a stifler of freedom of expression.  No longer can useful comment find a way to a receptive audience.  Instead, we are suffocated with shit.  I am sure there's a clever analogy to be made here, to do with atoms, electrons and bombardment.  Tweets are bullets sent from the guns of twits who haphazardly scatter uselessness in all directions.

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