If you live in Kentucky, is it just called 'Fried Chicken'?
Do chickens really know the pecking order?
Shirts
If someone from Prague wears a check shirt, is it a Czech shirt?
New Words & Definitions
R-ohm-ed = resisted walking
Re-volt-ed = rebelled against electrical potential
S-watt-ed = flattened, with power
St-amp-eed = currently on horseback [informally, chargin' horse]
Irish Olympic News
Hopes of a medal have resurfaced in the tarmac competition
Snooker News
Ronnie O'Sullivan has been knocked out of the Afghan Masters, after coming up against pockets of resistance.
Military News
A solder from West London lost an eye and couldn't find his way back home - he was declared "missing in Acton".
E-commerce
eBrew - Is this a website for tea tasters, or an electronic dictionary for the Middle East?
eBeeGeeBees - A site for those easily frightened, or those who find the BeeGees creepy?
eBuyGum - Online ordering of chewing gum, or social networking for northerners?
eQuips - Provides people with all they need to make an appropriate clever remark
Shakespeare Salad
Caesar et one salad
Brutus et tu
Driving Licence
Renewal demands are posted out every ten years, and I received mine recently. Paying £20 for nothing more than an updated photo on the small piece of plastic is a farce, but I suppose in the days of checking shoes at airports, and not being able to use a nail clipper on a flight (even in first class) it's par for the course. What a load of bollocks then, that the system for renewal provided me with two choices. (1) Go to the Post Office and hand over the form plus £20, and a further £4.50 for a single digital picture taken on the spot by a disinterested woman the other side of the counter. (2) Walk out in annoyance because the £4.50 was not mentioned on the form, and being coaxed into the Post Office on false pretences was not a basis to then capitulate and pay £4.50 for a digital snap that costs 5p to print. I chose option '2' of course, and considered that for £5 I could get four passport sized photos from the woman who is 200yds from my house; she uses expensive equipment and makes sure you're happy, before taking a minute to present a holder and four pictures. I'd have three spares then. However, I had already gone through this process a couple of years earlier and so had two photos left over. You'll have worked out now that whilst the DVLA insists on a renewal after ten years and a new photo, it lets you send them what you want. I used a two-year-old-photo that I had 'in stock'. This makes a cuntin' mockery of ID and the whole pissing process!
Coincidence?
Is it a coincidence that a year ago, the cheapest (500g) packet of pasta twists in Morrisons was17p and that the cheapest toothpaste (75ml) was also 17p? Most probably. Is it a coincidence that today, the same pasta twists are on sale for 30p and the toothpaste is also at 30p? Possibly. Is it a coincidence that the cheapest toothpaste at all four main supermarkets a year ago was 17p, and the cheapest pasta 17p or 18p, and that now everything is 30p? I doubt it. Is there a chance that prices are fiddled rather than pasta and toothpaste experiencing a weird annual 76% inflationary force? Of course it's a fucking fix!
Gamble Aware
I saw an advert a couple of weeks ago, touting a new place to lose money, Spinandwin.com. I noticed that there was no "Gambleaware" warning (or is that advisory note?) accompanying this pointless promotion of yet another gambling site. Yet, the preceding advert had been for the Daily Star on a combined approach with the Health Lottery, and this advert included a brief showing of the 'Gambleaware' note. This was an advert suggesting I might like to buy the Daily Star and receive a free National Health Lottery ticket. Apparently, I can buy a newspaper and be warned about the dangers of gambling, even though I've been given a free ticket, but it's not relevant to warn me about logging on to a site that wants to strip me of all my assets, despite never admitting such. What a mad world. By the way, why wasn't there a "Riskaware" warning to accompany the '2 for 1' ticket promotion for Thorpe Park and what could be described as dangerous rides? I maintain that zooming on a ride at a theme park carries mildly more physical risk than reading the Daily Star (mental and psychological risks are obviously more on the newspaper side).
Three Useless Arseholes and a Wimp
Vince Cable, Nick Clegg, Ken Clarke, and Theresa May
Considerable
What the fuck is "considerably more" in terms of calls from mobiles? I feel the answer to this should be made more widely known, and in fact given the prominence of other vital bits of information, such as the value of π or the Golden Ration [1.61803399 if you're interested]. We know it's often £1.54 to enter a dumb-ass competition where only morons would not know the answer from A,B,C alternatives that are laughable, but we are left in complete darkness about the 'considerable' amount that we'd be hit for should a mobile ever be dusted off and used to enter. I refer to "we" as a means to cover the point, not because I am ever tempted or stupid enough to participate.
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