I noticed in yesterday's paper the top twenty singles chart, and the inordinate number of entries which were 'collaborations'. I was about to show my age and refer to 'records' but instead I'll refer to them as 'shit data', for most of it is musical spam.
Of the 'top twenty', TEN of the listings were of the format "Bollocks, featuring Shit". Please note that to my knowledge, there is no band called Bollocks nor is there a solo performer called Shit. But you get the idea. It seems that no one is able to perform without some assistance (or contamination, depending on your musical tastes) from an imported singer. This muddies the waters, because it helps everything seem so similar, throws confusion into the charts, and mixes allegiances. You could accidentally find yourself half liking something, and then realise that there's half of the performance coming from someone you like, and the other half from a twat.
On a slightly different note, I used to think it was only racehorses that had stupid names, but people are more than capable of calling themselves silly things. Is 50 Cent any sort of name to go by? If he were in a list alphabetically created, would he follow the convention that numerals precede letters, of would his entry be as though he were 'Fifty Cent' then? Who knows - who cares! I do think it would be amusing if he revealed his middle name to be 'Per'. 50 Per Cent. No, that's a half-baked idea; ha!
Other annoyances include the Flo Rida and Will.i.am phenomena. Virgin.i.a doesn't create the right impression for Virginia, does it. Would a schizophrenic perhaps be able to adopt Lou.is.i.ana (?) without attracting the response of No.Lou.u.ain't (!) Amii Stewart couldn't be ahead of her time and adopt this approach, because of the extra 'i' messing things up - otherwise am.i.stewart would have worked.
This playing around doesn't quite work in the UK. Flo Rida has slightly more of a recognition factor than, say: Wes T Midlands or for a Welsh performer, Gwen T. To suggest Isla White would be taking things to a silly level altogether, as would Lincoln Shire.
Back to the chart content, and it's a fact that Musical Spam persists. Rihanna is a perfect example of someone whose relentless junk contaminates the world. She is also one who 'features' on other people's mess. Often it's DJs who draft in someone who can (supposedly) sing, or it's people desperate to associate themselves with better or more interesting (or more commercially viable) singers.
Gotye ft Kimbra
Flo Rida ft Sia
Stooshe ft Travie McCoy
DJ Fresh ft Rita Ora [NOT Rita Lin, unfortunately]
Tinchy Stryder ft Pixie Lott
David Guetta ft Sia
David Guetta ft Nicki Minaj
That's seven of the Top Ten
Dappy ft Brian May
Lil Wayne ft Bruno Mars
Alyssa Reid ft Jump Smokers
What a load of cuntin' shite !!!
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