Not one to plan ahead by more than just enough, I went to buy a Mother's Day card at 12.30pm today. This did allow enough time for the purchase, the writing and the posting ahead of the last collection at 4.45pm. What I had not counted on was the deplorable selection of cards available to me at the Post Office, fifty yards away. Normally the cards are not at all bad. Today, however, I discovered that Mother's Day is in fact a rather broader affair than one that's strictly limited to mothers.
The thing about Mother's Day is that the recipient for your card should be YOUR mother rather than A MOTHER. Buying a card for someone because they just happen to be a mother is not really appropriate. Mother's Day must surely be an opportunity for any individual to send a card to his or her mother - simple!
The card-makers have fucked about with the concept though, and have confused the fuck out of what should be the simplest of events. The main faux fuckin' pas has been their effort to confuse the issue by muddling the generations. It now seems that it is incumbent on grandchildren to buy cards for grandparents; where's the fucking 'mother' in that? Actually, the card-makers are almost certainly nudging parents to buy a card to send from their offspring to their own mother, and 'double' the greeting. All bollocks!
How did any of this shit affect me? (I hear you mutter). Well, in one respect only, as I had no intention of pissing about with cards from anyone but me and Mrs MWSC to my/our mother. The selection was massively reduced, on account of inappropriate and irrelevant cards on display. The inclusion of other categories of females in the felicitations meant less space for proper cards to mothers. Thus, I looked at the rack, and saw my options were limited; three cards were technically viable.
One was discounted (or should that be 'discarded' ?) because it was "To My Mummy". Now, I have nothing against those who refer to their mum as 'Mummy' but suggest that anyone who is still doing this having acquired the right to vote is too fucking old to be using that term! Not being aged four, I had to ignore this offering (although I have never used the term 'Mummy' at any age).
Another card was a no-go because its tone and delivery of the greeting on the front was rather terse. "Thinking of you, Mother, on Mother's Day" was a shit line on a card with a shit front, and a shit design and colour scheme. I have never referred to my mum as 'Mother' either. I was in search of a simple 'Mum'. I could digress and waffle about how I have in fact got a simple mum, but that wouldn't be fair or appropriate! I looked at option three, and saw a card that said "To Mum from your Son". My temporary delight at seeing the word 'Mum' was made temporary by the restriction imposed by the card-maker, in that the greeting would be from me, and not include Mrs MWSC. There was no option for a similar card that had the caveat "From Your Daughter", I noticed. I decided that scratching out the extra three words was not feasible, and so ended up with no way forward.
The three options took up about 5% of the space. The rest of the rack/display was either empty (about 20%) or filled with other cards. That's right, 75% of the Mother's Day card display was taken up with cards that were not fucking designed for mothers!
There were cards for Nan, Grandma, Grandmother, Granny, Gran (no Nanna - possible sold out) and Wife! Loads of the cunts, littering the display. A grandmother should get a card from her daughter, who should in turn get a card from her own daughter. Why should the last-born have to buy two fucking cards? Heaven forbid there's a Great Grandma out there who expects a triple helping of cards. In this situation, the youngest would buy three, the next up two and the third in the chain a single card; six purchases instead of three! What's with the wife card? I assume the card-makers are hoping that a husband buys a card for his wife, although only if they jointly have a son or daughter - not though if still in the womb, as that would be counting chickens. There were loads of these cards all aimed at encouraging people to buy cards for those who are not actually their mothers. A "Non-Mother's Day" card then.
This whole industry is fucked up now; I blame the Mother Fuckers who make cards! I bought a rather nice card in a completely separate rack that was not specifically linked to Mother's Day, and it was totally suitable, of better quality, more individual, and was appropriate from both Mrs MWSC and me to post. Happy Mother's Day, Mum.
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