Meat testing in this world will be all the poorer for the extermination by the Germans of their longest word, a 63-letter term for the law which relates to the testing of beef. Sadly the demise of:
Rindfleischetikettierungsuberwachungsaufgabenubertragungsgesetz
will mean Germany must rely on many thousands of other long words to baffle the world and create pronunciation nightmares for anyone trying to speak the language. I rather suspect that in Germany, 'The Man Who Says Cunt' would be a single word - in fact, it probably exists already.
...
Wednesday, 5 June 2013
5.6.13 This Week On TV
As ever, there is much to be bemused at in the TV guide for this week. Odd, funny, pathetic and irritating, the programmes served up to us on television are not often up to much, and the TV listings are often a source of amusement. I have used the weekly offering from last Saturday's Sun for my observations this time.
Springwatch - BBC2
This dire programme (and its offshoots) is a pain, as is Chris Packham's voice. The first issue I've got, though, is that as far as I am concerned, it's a but fucking late to be watching Spring when it's Summer! I don't give a shit about the June Solstice or the Autumnal Equinox, because meteorologists agree with me that Summer is June, July and August. Tonight is the seventh of twelve hour-long ordeals which exist because there's an obsession with watching some shit, whether it's worth watching or not. This is forced consumption by the masses because a cunt with a camera is watching and recording something. So, right up until the end of next week, well into June, the tits on BBC2 are watching shit, talking shit and existing in a time warp. Why the hell don't they get busy in March, April and May? Tomorrow's edition is apparently inclusive of a report on ash trees, and a 'live' report on the red kites. It had better be fucking 'live' if you're supposedly watching (in summer)! Elsewhere, grass grows, cows fart and paint dries.
Then we have Springwatch Unsprung, which sort of hints of an issue, but doesn't do it properly. "Springwatch Unhinged" would be so much better. Plus, there's Springwatch In The Afternoon to piss people off nice and early. This is fucking Summerwatch. Are we going to get Christmaswatch in fucking February?
Embarrassing Bodies - Channel 4
I particularly liked the info on Tuesday's programme, which includes the line: "Pixie McKenna deals with erectile dysfunction." I rather think she doesn't! Just like Christian Jessen doesn't, Period! Haha, get it?
History Stuff
This week there's a lot of stuff about Tudors, Elizabethan England and more recent stuff to do with D-Day and the Iraq War. I part particularly like the TV listing for the BBC2 offering:
"The Most Dangerous Man In Tudor England Melvyn Bragg explores the story of . . . . "
With no punctuation, it relies on print boldness to differentiate and suggest Melvyn is not so much dangerous as the bloke who's presenting. A similar issue arises when reading a Friday prigramme on BBC2:
"The Time Traveller's Guide To Elizabethan England The Rich Ian Mortimer explores the worlds of . ."
The Matt Lucas Awards - BBC1
Sunday BBC1 10.25: Compilation of the highlights from the recent series. [But there weren't any???]
In Plain Sight - ITV
Tuesday ITV1 12.05: I'm A Liver Not A Fighter. This name for the edition of a programme I've never seen before was one that threw me completely. Once I had read the next bit, 'Mary helps a man who is terminally ill', then I realised more clearly that my visualisation of liver on a plate - something horrible my mum made me eat as a kid - was rather less relevant than the producers intended.
The Voice - BBC1
Quite simply bollocks, and a waste of life.
Random Comments
BBC2 3.45 Fred Dibnah's Made In Britain. [Is he indeed!]
BBC1 2.15 Escape To The Country With Jonnie Irwin [No thanks, I'll go on my own or find a female!]
BBC2 11.40 French Open Tennis [Why did this make me think Open Sandwich Golf . . ?]
BBC1 11.00 Robbed, Raided, Reunited [Is this not the tackiest, crappiest name for a programme ever?]
SKY1 9.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie [I thought with a dropped 's', Greg Wallace could put some weight back on!]
...
Springwatch - BBC2
This dire programme (and its offshoots) is a pain, as is Chris Packham's voice. The first issue I've got, though, is that as far as I am concerned, it's a but fucking late to be watching Spring when it's Summer! I don't give a shit about the June Solstice or the Autumnal Equinox, because meteorologists agree with me that Summer is June, July and August. Tonight is the seventh of twelve hour-long ordeals which exist because there's an obsession with watching some shit, whether it's worth watching or not. This is forced consumption by the masses because a cunt with a camera is watching and recording something. So, right up until the end of next week, well into June, the tits on BBC2 are watching shit, talking shit and existing in a time warp. Why the hell don't they get busy in March, April and May? Tomorrow's edition is apparently inclusive of a report on ash trees, and a 'live' report on the red kites. It had better be fucking 'live' if you're supposedly watching (in summer)! Elsewhere, grass grows, cows fart and paint dries.
Then we have Springwatch Unsprung, which sort of hints of an issue, but doesn't do it properly. "Springwatch Unhinged" would be so much better. Plus, there's Springwatch In The Afternoon to piss people off nice and early. This is fucking Summerwatch. Are we going to get Christmaswatch in fucking February?
Embarrassing Bodies - Channel 4
I particularly liked the info on Tuesday's programme, which includes the line: "Pixie McKenna deals with erectile dysfunction." I rather think she doesn't! Just like Christian Jessen doesn't, Period! Haha, get it?
History Stuff
This week there's a lot of stuff about Tudors, Elizabethan England and more recent stuff to do with D-Day and the Iraq War. I part particularly like the TV listing for the BBC2 offering:
"The Most Dangerous Man In Tudor England Melvyn Bragg explores the story of . . . . "
With no punctuation, it relies on print boldness to differentiate and suggest Melvyn is not so much dangerous as the bloke who's presenting. A similar issue arises when reading a Friday prigramme on BBC2:
"The Time Traveller's Guide To Elizabethan England The Rich Ian Mortimer explores the worlds of . ."
The Matt Lucas Awards - BBC1
Sunday BBC1 10.25: Compilation of the highlights from the recent series. [But there weren't any???]
In Plain Sight - ITV
Tuesday ITV1 12.05: I'm A Liver Not A Fighter. This name for the edition of a programme I've never seen before was one that threw me completely. Once I had read the next bit, 'Mary helps a man who is terminally ill', then I realised more clearly that my visualisation of liver on a plate - something horrible my mum made me eat as a kid - was rather less relevant than the producers intended.
The Voice - BBC1
Quite simply bollocks, and a waste of life.
Random Comments
BBC2 3.45 Fred Dibnah's Made In Britain. [Is he indeed!]
BBC1 2.15 Escape To The Country With Jonnie Irwin [No thanks, I'll go on my own or find a female!]
BBC2 11.40 French Open Tennis [Why did this make me think Open Sandwich Golf . . ?]
BBC1 11.00 Robbed, Raided, Reunited [Is this not the tackiest, crappiest name for a programme ever?]
SKY1 9.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie [I thought with a dropped 's', Greg Wallace could put some weight back on!]
...
Tuesday, 4 June 2013
4.6.13 Talking Shit
Affected Speech / Pronunciation
I am sick of twats trying to make a point when saying words they deem 'special' in some way, which require extra consideration when being spouted. Some examples to illustrate this point are as follows:
Avalanche, Homage, Provenance, Art Nouveau
These are all standard words and terms in the English language, whatever their derivation, so cunts who insist on needlessly mispronouncing them need shooting. Averlonsh, Omarje, Provenonse, Ahh Noov-O is all bollocks, and then some!
Pronunciation Fuck-Ups
Can we all simply agree that there is room enough in the world for the inclusion of syllables which were intended when the cunts who devise words included letters (and associated syllables) in them! So, without repeating any rants in previous posts, things such as "Reguly" instead of "Regularly" and "Itinery" instead of "Itinerary". By the way, "Via" is pronounced the same way as it is in the first part of "Viaduct", and NOT as "Vee-a".
Missing Letters in Speech
Some of the shit spoken these days is a result of dropped letters, even if a syllable is not deleted. "Reconise" for "Recognise", and "Artic" for "Arctic". Then we have the word "Vulnerable" which twats insist on pronouncing as "Vunrable". There is a bone in the arm called the 'Ulna' and this should give a fucking clue as to how to pronounce "Vulnerable". You don't here many doctors and nurses talking about a broken "Unner"
Plurals
The plural of "Wind Turbine" is NOT "Wind Turbine" you thick cunt on the telly! Wildlife is also a common target for using the singular to count as plural, so - the Giraffe are, the eel are, the Zebra are, the Turtle are, the Flamingo are. If "Flamingo" is a plural term, then maybe we ought to write it as "Flamingeaux", and if anyone was stupid enough to do so, the Eskimeaux would get pissed off, I dare say.
Made-up Words
There are hundreds of them, many emanating from the USA, where they talk about "deplaning". This is not the eradication of planes from the area, and it's not a term to explain making something rough again, to counter the effects of something being planed. No, it's used for people who are in fact leaving an aeroplane [airplane in the USA of course] along with the equally fucked-up expression of "debarking" which, you've guessed it, is NOT removing the vocal chords from a rottweiler but is used also mean the opposite of "embark".
Stress
If you confirm, you are a conformist. It's that fucking simple. You are NOT a Con-f-mist. Islam naturally leads to a description of Islamist with a long 'a'. How we go from Islam with a long 'a' to Islamic with a short stressed 'a' to Islamist with a short stressed 'I' is beyond me completely.
Nouns as Verbs
During the Olympics last year, there was a lot of Medal-ing (as opposed to "Meddling") because this provided a good example of the stupid practice of using a noun to create an associated (fictitious) verb. We now get people who have "Podiumed" and climbers who have "Summitted". What next, then? How about animals who've "Abattoired" (not that they'll be around to discuss is - and if they were, they can't talk!) or people who win might be described as having "Trophied". What complete fucking shite. In fact the cunts who create this shit lingo might be said to have "Cunted", eh?
American States - Including Yoming
If Americans love to pronounce the first letter of words (especially vowels) as a long sound, to mimic the name of the letter - such as in Iowa, Idaho, Utah, and they 'export' this approach to places like 'Iran', 'Iraq', the 'Azores' and 'Oman', just why is there a 'W' in Wyoming?
...
I am sick of twats trying to make a point when saying words they deem 'special' in some way, which require extra consideration when being spouted. Some examples to illustrate this point are as follows:
Avalanche, Homage, Provenance, Art Nouveau
These are all standard words and terms in the English language, whatever their derivation, so cunts who insist on needlessly mispronouncing them need shooting. Averlonsh, Omarje, Provenonse, Ahh Noov-O is all bollocks, and then some!
Pronunciation Fuck-Ups
Can we all simply agree that there is room enough in the world for the inclusion of syllables which were intended when the cunts who devise words included letters (and associated syllables) in them! So, without repeating any rants in previous posts, things such as "Reguly" instead of "Regularly" and "Itinery" instead of "Itinerary". By the way, "Via" is pronounced the same way as it is in the first part of "Viaduct", and NOT as "Vee-a".
Missing Letters in Speech
Some of the shit spoken these days is a result of dropped letters, even if a syllable is not deleted. "Reconise" for "Recognise", and "Artic" for "Arctic". Then we have the word "Vulnerable" which twats insist on pronouncing as "Vunrable". There is a bone in the arm called the 'Ulna' and this should give a fucking clue as to how to pronounce "Vulnerable". You don't here many doctors and nurses talking about a broken "Unner"
Plurals
The plural of "Wind Turbine" is NOT "Wind Turbine" you thick cunt on the telly! Wildlife is also a common target for using the singular to count as plural, so - the Giraffe are, the eel are, the Zebra are, the Turtle are, the Flamingo are. If "Flamingo" is a plural term, then maybe we ought to write it as "Flamingeaux", and if anyone was stupid enough to do so, the Eskimeaux would get pissed off, I dare say.
Made-up Words
There are hundreds of them, many emanating from the USA, where they talk about "deplaning". This is not the eradication of planes from the area, and it's not a term to explain making something rough again, to counter the effects of something being planed. No, it's used for people who are in fact leaving an aeroplane [airplane in the USA of course] along with the equally fucked-up expression of "debarking" which, you've guessed it, is NOT removing the vocal chords from a rottweiler but is used also mean the opposite of "embark".
Stress
If you confirm, you are a conformist. It's that fucking simple. You are NOT a Con-f-mist. Islam naturally leads to a description of Islamist with a long 'a'. How we go from Islam with a long 'a' to Islamic with a short stressed 'a' to Islamist with a short stressed 'I' is beyond me completely.
Nouns as Verbs
During the Olympics last year, there was a lot of Medal-ing (as opposed to "Meddling") because this provided a good example of the stupid practice of using a noun to create an associated (fictitious) verb. We now get people who have "Podiumed" and climbers who have "Summitted". What next, then? How about animals who've "Abattoired" (not that they'll be around to discuss is - and if they were, they can't talk!) or people who win might be described as having "Trophied". What complete fucking shite. In fact the cunts who create this shit lingo might be said to have "Cunted", eh?
American States - Including Yoming
If Americans love to pronounce the first letter of words (especially vowels) as a long sound, to mimic the name of the letter - such as in Iowa, Idaho, Utah, and they 'export' this approach to places like 'Iran', 'Iraq', the 'Azores' and 'Oman', just why is there a 'W' in Wyoming?
...
4.6.13 Yoghurt Overload
Gok Wan
Will someone please, please explain why I have to watch Gok prancing around, mauling females (which apparently is okay if you're gay) and preaching about 'me time' or 'confidence'. I have had Nag Wok overload for ages, but these recent Activia adverts with all that Bifidus shit have taken things to an intolerable level. I would appreciate a break from the affected presenting style, but fear that at any time I might be told of another Channel 4 series with Go Wank presenting in that annoying style where there's a recap every few mins and multiple chats about what's coming up.
Nicole Scherzinger
Muller-licious my fucking arse! What an annoying term, and so typical of advertising types. As for being described as the 'New Face of Muller', I hardly think that's complementary! What possessed her to act like a pampered tit in aid of a yoghurt I do not know - well actually I do, it was no doubt the money.
Amanda Holden
Oykos - seriously luxurious? Hmmm . . beg to differ. BGT obviously pays well but not enough, and Amanda Holden does need something to occupy her for the other 11 months of the year. So, a few adverts and endorsements are par for the course. What's annoying is that some twat thinks I'll be more inclined to buy Oykos because Holden likes it (well, that's to be established) - and the same goes for Gok and Nicole for the other brands.
...
Will someone please, please explain why I have to watch Gok prancing around, mauling females (which apparently is okay if you're gay) and preaching about 'me time' or 'confidence'. I have had Nag Wok overload for ages, but these recent Activia adverts with all that Bifidus shit have taken things to an intolerable level. I would appreciate a break from the affected presenting style, but fear that at any time I might be told of another Channel 4 series with Go Wank presenting in that annoying style where there's a recap every few mins and multiple chats about what's coming up.
Nicole Scherzinger
Muller-licious my fucking arse! What an annoying term, and so typical of advertising types. As for being described as the 'New Face of Muller', I hardly think that's complementary! What possessed her to act like a pampered tit in aid of a yoghurt I do not know - well actually I do, it was no doubt the money.
Amanda Holden
Oykos - seriously luxurious? Hmmm . . beg to differ. BGT obviously pays well but not enough, and Amanda Holden does need something to occupy her for the other 11 months of the year. So, a few adverts and endorsements are par for the course. What's annoying is that some twat thinks I'll be more inclined to buy Oykos because Holden likes it (well, that's to be established) - and the same goes for Gok and Nicole for the other brands.
...
Monday, 3 June 2013
3.6.13 Contactless Crisis
On 21st January I had just cause to complain via this blog about the replacement card forced on me by my bank - a contactless version of what I'd had for many years (without issue) in a 'contact' variety. I'd always rather liked the fact that when I wanted to spend money, I had to do something rather than just loiter like some sort of lazy cunt who cannot manage a 4-digit PIN. Now we have ended up in a situation where my money is less safe than any number of other aspects of my life where I need a PIN to proceed.
Now I see in the paper an exact account of how fraudsters are having a field day by scamming millions of cardholders who can do little about it. I challenged the bank call centre worker but had to give up because the one version of the truth that she was able to spout involved stating a number of times that there is no evidence that thieves are targeting contactless cards, and that all money taken as a result of disputed transactions would be reimbursed.
I failed then (and do so now) to believe on the first point that anyone could be so fucking blinkered and stupid, and on the second point, that blood out of a stone would pour forth rather more quickly than my bank would give me £60 back because I said I did nothing.
I can absolutely guarantee you that any thieves who are technologically aware will not be bothering anymore with cash point machines. No, the easy pickings are everywhere now, in all of our pockets. The millions of cards issues with the ability to let money be taken from your account are going to give fraudsters an easy ride for a while. Yes, the amount is typically limited to £20 per transaction, and occasionally you may indeed need to verify a transaction with the 'old fashioned' pin - that's right, the fucking one that stops people standing next to you scanning and scamming up to £20 while you daydream.
Believe the picture above, because it is as easy as this for someone to fleece you of a small amount of money - and you'll quite probably never ever notice. Would you spot a transaction on your statement (if you check it) showing £14.95 being paid out as a mistake. Would you then have confidence to challenge the bank. You'd of course have to prove to the bank just why you did not actually authorise or want that much to be taken from your account. There will be battles all over the place. A fucking disaster waiting to happen.
I have obtained for myself a small 'Secrid' wallet which has a metal case within it - no cunt can scan me and scam me. I suggest you do the same or this contactless bollocks will cost you - if you notice, that is. The first line of defence falls to us consumers, and the banks who have caused this grief are simply pathetic and fucking corporately stupid cunts who do not care. The fact that I am denied a normal card (where contact is fucking needed) is appalling. If you don't know what I am talking about, check my January post and suss out 'Secrid' on Google.
Watch out.
...
Now I see in the paper an exact account of how fraudsters are having a field day by scamming millions of cardholders who can do little about it. I challenged the bank call centre worker but had to give up because the one version of the truth that she was able to spout involved stating a number of times that there is no evidence that thieves are targeting contactless cards, and that all money taken as a result of disputed transactions would be reimbursed.
I failed then (and do so now) to believe on the first point that anyone could be so fucking blinkered and stupid, and on the second point, that blood out of a stone would pour forth rather more quickly than my bank would give me £60 back because I said I did nothing.
I can absolutely guarantee you that any thieves who are technologically aware will not be bothering anymore with cash point machines. No, the easy pickings are everywhere now, in all of our pockets. The millions of cards issues with the ability to let money be taken from your account are going to give fraudsters an easy ride for a while. Yes, the amount is typically limited to £20 per transaction, and occasionally you may indeed need to verify a transaction with the 'old fashioned' pin - that's right, the fucking one that stops people standing next to you scanning and scamming up to £20 while you daydream.
Believe the picture above, because it is as easy as this for someone to fleece you of a small amount of money - and you'll quite probably never ever notice. Would you spot a transaction on your statement (if you check it) showing £14.95 being paid out as a mistake. Would you then have confidence to challenge the bank. You'd of course have to prove to the bank just why you did not actually authorise or want that much to be taken from your account. There will be battles all over the place. A fucking disaster waiting to happen.
I have obtained for myself a small 'Secrid' wallet which has a metal case within it - no cunt can scan me and scam me. I suggest you do the same or this contactless bollocks will cost you - if you notice, that is. The first line of defence falls to us consumers, and the banks who have caused this grief are simply pathetic and fucking corporately stupid cunts who do not care. The fact that I am denied a normal card (where contact is fucking needed) is appalling. If you don't know what I am talking about, check my January post and suss out 'Secrid' on Google.
Watch out.
...
Sunday, 2 June 2013
2.6.13 Britain's Got Talent - 5th Semi Final
"Go back to hell" was a good line from Simon to David. "This year we could have topped 2009" was pathetic from Amanda. Ant & Dec asked a silly question and Simon say's that the acts have got to "want to win". This is all top quality stuff - NOT
CEO Dancers
These three basically demonstrated amazing thigh strength and qualities that could no doubt qualify them to provide 'the fuck of your life'. All very good, but that's all - this was not good enough to get a standing ovation. It was a strong dance act with no kids in it, squealing and fidgeting - so extra points for that.
TMWSC Verdict: 5.5/10
Walliams: "Fantastic. You absolutely filled the stage." What a pathetic comment / cliche.
Alesha: "That was the best show opener of the whole week. You are animalistic; I'm glad you brought the whole tribal vibe." Another dose of cack, Alesha; but yes, very African.
Amanda: "The best ass action since J-Lo this week. Amazing." That's not saying much because J-Lo was shit.
Cowell: "The best dance act this series." Suppose so.
Fuck off with all this "show opening" bollocks.
Aliki Chrysochou
The fucking story is actually better than her singing. I resent being fed stuff (sad as it was, and testing as it was) as a basis for me now liking her singing! Nana Mouskouri for the 21st Century got a standing ovation.
TMWSC Verdict: 8/10
Walliams: "You are an angel." Yawn.
Alesha: "You're an angel; amazing, and you're story is amazing." Yawn.
Amanda: "You're story is wonderful." Yawn.
Cowell: "You are stunning, beautiful, humble, a bit like me. With Katharine Jenkins taking a big dip at the moment, maybe your time has come." Twist the knife, Simon, though I commend you for doing so.
She sang particularly well, and is a strong contender. I just wish we could all escape the shit about her 'story' and stick to commenting on and judging her performance as it is.
The Glambassadors
This is simply OTT shit. Prancing cunts. Can't wait for it to finish.
TMWSC Verdict: 3/10
Walliams: "You're great entertainers." Blind or a liar?
Alesha: "Amazing." Yawn.
Amanda: "That was absolutely glamtastic." Like fuck was it!
Cowell: "It was so much better than the first audition." That says nothing at all.
A disaster and a half! Do people feel obliged to cheer anything that's gay, whether it's talent or shite? They danced in time, so can have three points.
Steve Hewlett
Arthur Lager, very funny. He was especially funny at the expense of Amanda Holden with the jokes, and the Cowell dummy will get him votes as well.
TMWSC Verdict: 9/10
Walliams: "It's rare when the dummy's taller than the real person" - ref Simon! Good comment, David.
Alesha: "I love you and Arthur; the material was great."
Amanda: "Amazing."
Cowell: "Congratulations."
Working hard since he was twelve years old, this chap has certainly put the effort in, which showed in this performance.
Rob's Duelling Pianos
This was utter shit last time and I am expecting nothing less or more this time. Tame, lame shit. Simon managed 30 seconds before buzzing, whereas I buzzed after three seconds! Alesha (the silly biddie who was one of the three judges putting them through!!!) buzzed as well, without having the right to do so!
TMWSC Verdict: 0.5/10
Walliams: "You moved it on. It was fantastic, fun and a bit bonkers." Yep, mad as hell.
Alesha: "I didn't think the playing was that good. It didn't feel like an entertainment piece." That's because it fucking wasn't, Amanda, so why did you put him through?
Amanda: "I found it very entertaining, You've reinvented the organ." Liar, and no he didn't.
Cowell: "I kind of know now why Craig didn't turn up."
Complete overuse of the word 'brave' by all the judges, plus Dec! His partner decided to retire from the show (for good reason) and so 'Duelling" is totally inaccurate. Waste of space.
Maarty Broekman
A mad, mad, mad bloke who was actually quite funny and peculiar in the audition, with his fixation on the 80s. He was (and probably will be again) so bad. Will it be bad enough to be 'good' though? NO. I came to this conclusion at the exact same time that Simon buzzed. His comedic qualities get him 2pts.
TMWSC Verdict: 2.5/10
Walliams: "I loved it. You're fun, you're sexy."
Alesha: "I genuinely don't know what to say. Thanks for the most barking performance of the week.
Amanda: "It was entertaining."
Cowell: "What the bloody hell was that? Everything was out of tune. You hit all the wrong notes."
He was genuinely bewildered by the whole occasion and the comments from the judges. He remains completely mad, and the oddest performance included in tonight's show. There is no real talent on display at all, but he's odd enough to pique interest and chuckle along. It would be so sad though if the public vote rewarded madness ahead of talent.
Incognito
O Happy Days - WTF? I do NOT want to hear about Jesus in a fucking BGT 'entertainment' show. So wrong, and the wailing women did my fucking head in. Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks.
TMWSC Verdict: 2.5/10
Walliams: "I'm high on the Lord. I'd like to book you for me and Simon's wedding. There's nothing smutty about two men in love."
Alesha: "You brought the soul to BGT; that was fantastic." Bollocks.
Amanda: "That was another biblical performance. It was joyful and uplifting." Bollocks.
Cowell: "You make we want to be nice. I'm converted." This was followed by "Hallelujah" from Dec!
This was shit, and it seems that as per The Glambassadors, there's some sort of weird obligation to applaud and commend them, because in this case they are religious rather than gay. Fucking warped.
Jordan O'Keefe
This bloke has a slightly affected voice, but will surely be rewarded for his talent and simple approach. He is singing okay, but I think people do need to be careful of not messing around too much with songs in an effort to 'make it their own' because mispronouncing works is not helpful. He stayed the right side of the line and so will be worthy of a good score.
TMWSC Verdict: 8.5/10
Walliams: "We got real fatigue seeing so many people with guitars, but that could be a hit record.
Alesha: "That gave me chills; fantastic."
Amanda: "I loved the simplicity; it was stripped back." Thanks for the cliche.
Cowell: "This could get you into the final."
He's a nice chap and will do well.
Attraction
Unbelievable - fucking excellent.
TMWSC Verdict: 10/10
Walliams: "Quite simply one of the most beautiful things we've ever seen."
Alesha: "Game over."
Amanda: "Remarkable; you've turned us into a complete mess."
Cowell: "I was blown away by that."
Brilliant.
RESULT
Very sadly, for 'variety, and because Simon is rather biased towards singers, while being anti-ventriloquist, we ended up with yet another singer in the final while the funny comedian/ventriloquist missed out. Sorry, but a rather boring (if nice) chap in the final, warbling something-or-other is not going to change anything in my lifetime.
...
Saturday, 1 June 2013
1.6.13 May Quotes of the Month
1 - "I have two shits a day whether I need them or not." [Ray S]
2 - "I can't wear a dress with bare sleeves." [Debs]
3 - "Don't ever underestimate the power of a good handbag." [Jess]
4 - "I'm on the edge of normal." [TMWSC, referring to his weight and BMI rather than mental state]
5 - "In the second half, England had much the cuter possession." [Andy Townsend]
6 - "Menston has its own poo laws. I remember when I was younger I saw a human poo near my bins." [Ali E]
7 - "Catholics drag out everything." [Ant R, referring to ceremonies and rituals]
8 - "Snooker's John Virgo is among the line-up of Pointless Celebrities next on BBC1." [Announcer]
9 - "It's sometimes never the easiest thing." [Andy Townsend, expressing confusion]
10 - "I'm much more conscientious of cycling." [ Banter on Radio 2 - Steve Wright Show]
11 - "Deek burns at night!" [Chris D, after checks whether Deek had applied factor 50 as protection]
12 - "To the lowlife scum who stole my bike from albert park on Thursday; hope you get aids, ghonoreah and syphilis and ya cock falls off!!!!! horrible cunt." [Exact extract from 'Spotted: Middlesbrough']
13 - "All this air from up in the north - the cold direction." [Lisa, on 'Look North' weather]
14 - "If they can find a goal it will just change the entire temperature of the night." [Commentator during Chelsea v Benfica, talking shite]
15 - "Come on, don't be embarrassed." [One of the stupid women on Embarrassing Bodies]
16 - "Foraged in Norfolk." [Stupid term on Masterchef. What next - "Groped in Kent" then?]
17 - "As this area of low pressure catherine wheels its way in." [Twat on TV giving weather forecast ]
18 - "Deliver a precise and exact attack." [Air Vice Marshall Atha talking bollocks ref the Dambusters]
19 - "West Ham are doing our bit for the future." [Karen Brady, screwing up the grammar]
20 - "Heading northbound." [Sally on Radio 2. Heading North OR Northbound, luv]
21 - "Showers have been twirling, but later we should get some warm sunshine." [Lucy Versamy]
...
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