Sadly the BBC has not come to its senses yet, and appointed Claudia as the main presenter in place of Foghorn Leghorn. So for the time being, Tess has the pole position, and we have to wait for Claudia's bits before there's any 'entertainment'.
Jake
The Quick-step is one of the silliest dances the competitors are expected to prance around to. Without any self consciousness, Jake indeed pranced around and got this one out of the way with a very respectable performance. 31/40
Sunetra
A middle-of-the-road effort that was pleasing enough, but not worthy of any further comment from me. 30/40
Scott Mills
"I think a 3-year-old could have done better" said Craig.
"You sort of weirdly pulled this off" said Darcy
"You could be the lovechild of Ann Widdecombe and John Sergeant" said Bruno. 19/40
Thom Evans
This really didn't seem to be moving in time with the music at all. Iveta worked her tits off.
"Plenty of attack" said Darcy, as ever obsessed with "attack" for some reason.
"He's the toy boy for any occasion - he goes with anything" said Bruno.
"I thought it was all very pigeon-toed" and "You're quite marvellous at grinding, aren't you darling" said Craig. 27/40
Frankie Bridge
It's a boring dance, so perhaps it isn't surprising that half of the performance was boring. Luckily there were a few moments that broke it up a bit and so it turned out pretty good.
"You floated across that floor like butter on a hot crumpet" said Len.
"Mellifluous" said Craig [that's 'pleasingly smooth' to you and me]. 32/40
Alison
As if we needed reminding about 'size', the VT roped in Lisa Riley for comparison. Highly unnecessary!
"If you take on board what Craig tells you, it'll set you back weeks" said Len. 23/40
Mark Wright
"I could have done without all that vulgar gyration. I think you did it absolutely brilliantly" said Craig. 33/40
Simon Webbe
He doddered around, and the two of them looked like the figures on the top of a wedding cake.
"A bit skippy" said Darcy.
"A little hectic at times" said Len.
"Your right thumb was up" said Craig. 28/40
Judy Murray
It is perhaps worth giving mention to Steph from Gogglebox, who last week managed to give the most amusing quote I've heard for a while. "In fairness, she can't do much with that chin line."
"What a fucking embarrassment" said TMWSC to Mrs MWSC.
"There wasn't an ounce of swivel anywhere and the timing was appalling" said Craig. 18/40
Caroline Flack
"I think I'm turning" said Bruno.
Talk about 'going for it' . . . well done. 34/40
Steve Somebody-or-other
Very good from the one paired with Ola. 30/40
Pixie
"I was going to get my maracas out at one point" said Len.
"I've never seen beading move so fast" said Craig.
Absolutely wonderful performance. 35/40
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