JLS were wheeled out to give a middle-of-the-road performance with the X-Factor finalists. The worst part was the post-song exchange when Marvin Humes called Dermot O'Dreary "Derms". Outrageously dire.
Fucking Scherzinger with her "Scher-sprinkles" in the round-up at the beginning. I think she should go for a swim in Round Up
As for her squeal about ending the show with a "Scher-bang", maybe Barry Scott can get shot of her?
So, having moved on from JLS, we were presented with some warbling by Jessie J and Mary J Blige. With all these 'J' acts, I wondered whether the next input would be from Union J or Nicole Shitsinger on stage with a J Cloth. It turned out to be One Direction who arrived, and they actually sang rather well.
The Result Section (in other words, the whole point of the fucking programme - at 8.39pm)
As the judges and the acts came on to the stage, Nicole, Hannah and Tamera all looked glum as . . . . well, Hannah. The last act through was Tamera, to the amazement and 'boos' of the audience. Hmmmm - anyone smell a fix?
FIX
Nicole introduced her act, as "Hannah Banana", and we were served up some deep-throat constipation sounds. Gary then told us - "Rough Copy". We had some wimpy warbly wobbling and questionable vocals. It was a shit arrangement, sung with no real aplomb. I was destined to be happy in any event, because one would be going home.
Nicole: "These two acts shouldn't be in the finals." [You shouldn't be on the panel, Nicole.] "I am furious with the British public for putting my girl in the bottom two." [I'm less than impressed with you, Nicole.]
Gary saved Rough Copy and Osbourne saved Rough Copy.
Louis: "They remembered all the words." [Excellent comment, Louis!]
Bye, Hannah - shame it wasn't Nicole, though. Apparently she was 'blessed' but I certainly WASN'T, as Dermot O'Dreary announced that next week we'll be subjected to James Fucking Arthur. WHERE'S THAT CUNTING CILLIT BANG when you need it?
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