ASDA is AT IT again, with it's shitty mind games. Why can't the retailer simply stick to selling stuff without embarking on the bollocks that complicates and annoys?
First, I decided to get some photocopier paper. Now, any fucker knows that the quality varies, and that one of the components that has great significance is the thickness of the sheets. This determines whether the sheets are in fact cunting cardboard, or tracing paper! I saw that for £2.35 I could pick up a 'Smart Price' ream and considering I won't be doing anything special with it, it would most likely have been okay. However, alongside this product was another variety, an ASDA own-brand ream for £3.00, and to the right of that, a £3.50 non-'ASDA 'version for £4.00 which clearly looked of better quality. The £3.00 reams contained paper that was 80 grammes per metre squared. I considered whether this would be better than the lowest quality paper generally available, at 70gms. I decided that I'd buy the Smart Price version if it was 80gms, but spend £3.00 if it was only 70gms. HOWEVER the stupid cunts did not include in the wrapping any detail at all regarding the paper. Every fucking ream of paper I've ever seen before has told me (at the very least) what the weight is. 'Smart Price' paper packaged by Thick Cunts. I abandoned the stationery aisle in disgust.
Despite the world shortage of yoghurt [how else can there be an explanation for the jump in prices in the last month?] ASDA saw its way clear to reducing some pots of thick and creamy strawberry yoghurt from 70p to 50p, so I bought eight of them. Sadly I found no such offer in the water aisle, and the inexplicable rise of 31p in the 12x500ml packs remains in place as I type, just as the water remains on the fucking shelf!
I was pleased to find a bag of dog treats (Jerky) in the £1 section - you know the place, full of shitty things for a quid. 'Larry' would be pleased.
At the checkout, Val fed me bags at an alarmingly slow rate that only just managed to keep up with the scanning and shuffling of the £121 worth of shopping, and I marvelled at how she swivelled in her chair. She was (and no doubt still is) severely overweight, and it defies Newton's laws, I am sure, that she wasn't sucked to the centre of the Earth. mid-scan. With some gravity, I studied my receipt as I left the checkout, and discovered that the Jerky had been billed at £3.00. Cunts.
At the Customer Service Desk, I queued behind a bloke and a woman. The slow progress was in synch with the slowness of the assistant, who apologised to me for the wait, once I got to the counter, after being dumbfounded that a stupid cunt in the queue (the woman) was in fact purchasing a tub of Celebrations for £5 from the Customer Service desk! The slow assistant managed the most pathetic 'admonishment' possible, with: "There are self service scanners available for this sort of thing". I considered her lucky to have been served at all. After getting £3 back [why the cunting fuck do customers have to sign for getting money back five minutes after being ripped off?] I fucked off.
I was less than impressed (nothing new there) with the state of ASDA. I have discovered since unloading my shopping that the cunts have robbed me of chopped tomato. I say this because the tins of chopped tomatoes are (and have been for years) 400g. The small cardboard equivalents were launched to mirror the canned versions, and today I picked up two of these. It turns out the contents weigh 390g. When the fucking hell did 390g become the universal measurement for cardboard cartons of chopped cuntin' tomatoes, then? Bastards have reduced the contents by 2.5%. It's only one penny difference, but multiply that by the thousands of stores selling the item daily, and it's big bucks! Thieving shites, ASDA!
Before I go, I must confirm the oddity that presented itself to me just now: I nipped over to the Cunt-Op for some frozen chips and saw a display of goods all bearing orange stickers. This denotes multiple fuck-ups by Co-operative staff, meaning price reductions. I considered the "Truly Irresistible" bread on offer at 65p instead of £1.49, but decided that 'Beetroot and Apple Bread' will never have a place in my home. Nobs!
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