What an annoying couple of weeks on Strictly Come Dancing and X-Factor. This shite is churned out by the BBC and ITV in the laziest way possible, with annoyances sprinkled over everything.
The Halloween theme on SCD was predictably over the top, and the scariest person award must surely have gone to Tess Daly - or to use her full title - The Extremely Loud, Brash and Irritating Tess Daly. As for the dancers, Dave Myers looked like a nob. Worse than his look was his 'dancing' and on Halloween week we all reached that certain point in the competition (well, I reached it on week 2) where a disservice is done through the retention of a twat in the competition. Yes, Rachel Riley and Abbey Clancy both scored 30+ points and yet were in the bottom two, while Dave Myers on 19 points was saved by arseholes at home. So, Rachel went home while Dave looked like a confused black-eyed sheep.
Last Saturday, SCD was watchable for one reason - Bruce Forsythe had a week off. Sadly Tess was in good health, but as the lesser of two evils, she accompanied the rather more acceptable Claudia in presenting the shows. At last the public vote did not save Dave Myers, and the stomping biker finally went. Now it's just a case of getting shot of Mark Benton.
"OFF WITH HER HEAD!"
Elsewhere in TV land, there was the departure of 'Middle of the Road' to celebrate. I refer of course to 'Kingsland Road' on X-Factor. No great loss at all. Sadly there was input from the talentless Sharon Osbourne, and the nauseating Nicole "Y'all" Scherzinger who, unlike her favourite utterance, rarely does a "good job". I rather think she needs a good jab! The best quote came from Dermot on Sunday, after we'd all seen Chic performing on stage the night before.
"We had Le Freak on stage last and Le Freak on the judging desk."
Sharon - Osbourne of Scotch
At the weekend just gone, we were exposed to what I initially thought was a repeat of SCD's Halloween night, but which turned out to be Sharon Osbourne with plastic hair and face - she reminded me of Mary Queen of Scots for some strange reason. Her weird dress and make-up was matched by her weird input, as ever. A beheading would surely have made for an improved spectacle! Meanwhile, Nicole continued to annoy the fuck out of me, and this fad (stupidly endorsed by Dermot O'Dreary) of putting "Scher" in front of other words is pathetic and cuntish. The judges waffled on with the usual tired claptrap about:
Chemistry
Passion
Energy
Going all the way
Working hard
Being a pop star
Louis managed to say of Nicholas: "He's consistent every single week." This is of course different from being consistent every second or third week! Idiot.
For some inexplicable reason, the Osbourne woman can't seem to grasp Tamera's name, and at one stage announced, ahead of a lame comment: "Tamara, Tamara!" as though she was auditioning for a part in the musical Annie ['Tomorrow, Tomorrow', etc] rather than wanting to be a character from the Middle Ages.
Only Tamera, Nicholas and Sam (Bailey, of course) were any good - the rest were awful, and nearly as bad as Scher-Shit herself. Abi Alton and Horrendous Hannah were in the bottom two. AA lost out to HH and in one mammoth sigh (Aahh) I realised it was probably for the best that Abi left the competition. She was never going to be comfortable prancing around and performing to the various themes forced upon contestants. When she does her own thing, she's great, but when asked/told to move away from her own style and/or material, she struggles. It was still a travesty though, as Hannah is unlikeable and in many ways rather grotesque in the way she acts and delivers her noise/growl.
All in all, the last two weeks has been rather dire. I refer to the majority of the contestants on X-Factor, and to the pathetic/awful performance by Taylor Swift and the Lightbody/Peabody/Nobody bloke from the band Neighbourhood Watch or Snow Patrol or Pelican Crossing, not sure which.
Cheryl Cole was lightweight
Ni-Cole is a fucking nuisance and ought to be muted
At least Brendan Cole can dance!
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