5.2.15 Bolton v Liverpool v Phil Neville

I watched the last 35 minutes of yesterday's FA Cup match between Bolton and Liverpool on BBC1. The score was 0 - 0 and I figured I'd missed nothing of any real interest.  As it happened, I joined the action just in time to see Bolton awarded a dubious penalty, but was unsurprised that it was Martin Skrtel who had been penalised for what might have been one of his few legal challenges on any opponent.

Bolton took the lead from the penalty (notice I did not use the annoying-as-fuck three-letter abbreviation for the spot kick) and a fair number of viewers were pleased to see the underdogs get in front.  By this stage, though, my own enjoyment was almost non-existent, thanks to the atrocious cunting commentary from a wassock by the name of Phil Neville.  I have no idea who is the worst offender out of:

1) the cunt responsible for telling him that he might be good at it;
2) PN himself, for thinking he might be good at it;
3) the BBC for indulging him when he is so blatantly no fucking good at it!

The breathy style of his delivery was simply infuriating, and he clearly is under some sort of misapprehension that this makes him and his utterances sound more exciting.  If he were reading a bedtime story to a four year old, and relaying how the good prince was rushing to the castle to save his princess from the evil clutches of the wicked witch, then perhaps a sentence or two in such a style MIGHT be appropriate, certainly as far as a wide-eyed four-year-old would think.  HOWEVER, I am rather older, am content for the football to provide the entertainment rather than shit cunting narration, and even my reduced portion of 35 minutes of the game was too great a dose of awful commentary.

The action and entertainment on the pitch was ruined by the accompaniment from Phil Neville in the commentary box.  Get it sorted, BBC!  Dispense with his services on the basis of aural abuse.  If that does not carry enough weight, there's always the content to look at.

Offenders

It cannot go unmentioned that Mr Neville is a long way short of proficient in the English language.  I would have thought that such a qualification was preferable for a commentating job.  Perhaps with Alan Shearer leading the way to the prevalence of non-English, there was a path already made for the likes of PN.  I'll relay a couple of examples for you of yesterday's bollocks from Phil:

"He can put himself up with them types of players."

"It's at times like this you want your big players to take the big penalties at the big moments."

One further criticism must be made, regarding Phil's inability to pronounce Steven Gerrard's name properly.  This major issue marks PN out as the only person in the UK unable to deal with "Gerrard", and choosing to stress the second syllable.  I'd say that his approach in referring to Stevie is almost identical to the one appropriate for Olivier Giroud . . . but then I realised he manages to mispronounce his name as well!

In summary, I can only be thankful that I missed the first half of the match, as no doubt I would have exploded at the half time interval after having endured so much shit commentary.  By the way, Liverpool won 2 - 1 while the nation (excluding the deaf) lost in terms of enjoyment.

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