Karl Loxley
"Some of the locals at the supermarket don't have a clue that I sing," said Karl. I should hope not; when I am shopping, I certainly don't want to be sung at.
Nessun Dorma - how fucking unoriginal! Well, Karl, you can do more than stack shelves - but this was not entertaining. Tom twitched and grimaced . . . and then, for no reason that made any sense at all, Will.i.am turned with half a second to go. Rita Ora then went to the stage to tell him he was cute and she liked his jacket. Hmm . . . all about the voice then, Ritalin. As for the other input she had - bollocks. She apparently didn't turn because she knew Will.i.am was the right one for him. But he turned with no more than half a second to go, and so Ritalin's comment was crafted retrospectively.
Si Genaro
The previous effort (last year) was simply nuts, and for some reason the BBC twats invited a further performance. "I can't believe I've got a second shit," said Si. That made two of us. He sang a fantastic song, and managed to kill it with a shredder. No one turned.
"Oh, it's chicken man," said Ricky. "I just always have one in my pocket," was him referring to his mouth organ. He then was allowed extra time to sing a further ditty, even though he was waiting to leave the stage. I got the sense that the coaches were about to tell him that if he'd sung that song for the competition, then they'd have turned around. Will gave him his email address. "I regret not turning for Si," said Will.i.am.
Mia Sylvester
She sang with an affectation that was annoying, with pronunciation that was more questionable than why the BBC gives any airtime to Phil Neville. If she sang more normally rather than trying to be Amy Winehouse II. "You were incredible and we are a load of schmucks," said Ricky. Well, he got the second part right. If she had sang in the first couple of programmes, she would have got through.
Keedie Green
Less abrasive than Mia, but still some wailing that I could have done without. Titanium then turned into a weird operatic noise, and it was clear than none of the coaches would know what to do with her. Tom's first mention of "Powerful" was provided. No one turned, as expected.
Lara Lee
Very, Very, Powerful
Ricky Wilson relayed to us that he knew the words, by lip syncing along, and giving us that ghastly fucking smile. Lara Lee was looking forward to being judged on her voice not on her size, and I was reminded of Sara Lee, who makes cakes, I believe. Tom Jones turned around.
We were then treated to some extra input from Lara Lee, with poetry to background music. Certainly individual, and talented. YEAH! Tom.
Joyful Soundz
Patrick and Simone came on to provide us with a Saturday night cliche. I heard the first note and said "Fucking no!" out loud, to Mrs MWSC. Awful, dated, and simply naff. Never has there been a more inappropriately named 'act'. Then, Will.i.am decided to plum the depths of dross by turning at the death. You idiot, Will. Backstage, Marvin started up a chant - "Joyful Soundz, Joyful Soundz," making a sound that was anything but joyful.
The Rise
I have no idea whether this was flat, crap, or what . . . this short extract was awful. Anthony and Michael were dire. Who the cunting fuck signed off this act for national TV?
Susan Lovejoy
This was the night's joke act - but I didn't laugh. The happy-clappy family (plus Emma Willis) were as bad as the act itself.
nk
He was really good, and got three spins - Tom, Rita and Ricky. "You took us on a walk with your voice," said Wilson, and was for once talking some sense. He went with Rita, obviously.
Damian Dalton-Smith
What a disaster. He simply lost his voice, which is not really a useful thing on a programme called The Voice.
Christina Matovu
Wilson
Marvin divulged that he too gets nervous. I struggled to understand what on earth he does that would warrant nerves, considering his limited input and occasional hand clapping. Anyway, the singing got underway, and I endured "If I Go," a song I'd never heard before, now wish that was still the case, and don't ever wish to hear again. It was not up to much, and then at the last second, Ricky Wilson turned his chair.
Sheena McHugh
A bit whiny to start with, but certainly a twist to her voice, and a bit of power, as well as control. All four turned. Tom gave us his view that included "Powerful". She(ena) picked Will.
Marvin and Emma was somewhere in the vicinity, doing nothing useful, as usual.
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