There has been so much rubbish talked by pundits and commentators in the last two and a half weeks that I cannot begin to claim the details below represent more than a tenth of what ought to be relayed to you. Nevertheless, and "in no particular order" as they say, here are some of the things we've heard.
1 - "Every detail is not left unturned." [Mark Cavendish]
2 - "She's only eighteen years of old." [Canoeing commentator]
3 - "Part of a 3-man team; two men and one woman representing Canada." [Boxing commentator]
4 - "It was my ambition to come away with at least one podium." [Victoria Pendleton admitting a theft habit]
5 - "There's cross-pollination in the coaching squad." [Hugh Porter]
6 - "It ended up much more closer than it came out in the end." [Denise Lewis]
7 - "He is possessed with great talent." [Athletics commentator]
8 - "Sometimes the best 1500m runner doesn't able to win a tactical race." [Brendan Foster]
9 - "Victories always hurt more when you lose." [Mark Foster]
10 - "He always throws his bike at the line in a wheelie style of finish." [Cycling commentator]
11 - "He suffered so much of injuries." [Colin Jackson]
12 - "Shane Archbold is going to do a lone time trial on his own." [Hugh Porter]
13 - "He gave himself a little margin of error, wasn't it." [Barry Davies]
14 - "She can smell a silver medal here at Hadleigh Farm." [Ed Leigh]
15 - "Both the French riders went down in practice." [Ed Leigh]
16 - "We can just see her start to crest now." [Ed Leigh]
17 - "We've got a little game of mountain bike musical chairs going on." [Ed Leigh]
18 - "They're constantly changing direction all the time." [Chris Boardman]
19 - "This course is so quick and fast." [Chris Boardman]
20 - "They've broken the world record in the last 6 races they've taken place in." [Hugh Porter]
21 - "His points tally mean he will not be caught." [Sailing commentator]
22 - "It's the last night of swimming in the pool." [Gary Lineker]
23 - "Cycling have got just 14 events." [Jake Humphrey]
24 - "The distance between the hurdles are further apart." [Colin Jackson]
25 - "Her coach knows exactly what he is doing." [Athletics commentator]
26 - "They took it gracefully." [Daley Thompson, meaning 'graciously']
27 - "This won't tickle if he gets it wrong." [Diving commentator]
28 - "It was a huge quantum leap." [As opposed to a small one? John Inverdale]
29 - "Luke will use those counter-punching ability he's got." [Boxing commentator]
30 - "With the British providing the book ends of the podium, with 1st and 3rd place at the moment." [Cycling commentator]
31 - "He's there because he's won the most number of gold medals." [Jake Humphrey]
32 - "It's 4.1 on the Richter Scale when it comes to diving." [Diving commentator]
33 - "We haven't really started the competition yet. That was the hors d'oeuvres - now for the four course meal." [Diving commentator]
34 - "If she'd gone the other way, it would have been a good penalty." [Lucy Ward]
35 - "That was a metronomic performance from her." [Chris Boardman]
36 - "There are certain performances that are forever etched in your mind forever." [Denise Lewis]
Poor Grammar Section
a) - "It has been an awful long time."
b) - "There's less turns on the front."
c) - "They conquered the competition in an absolute riveting contest."
d) - "There's only one team so far who's inside that time."
e) - "These I feel are the team that will take the lead."
f) - "Men's basketball now, and GB face Spain."
g) - "GB's hockey team have made a good start."
h) - "Each of these moves have their own value."
i) - "His personal fan club are giving him some support."
j) - "Botswana have never won an Olympic medal."
There were so, so many fuck-ups that it was impossible to note them, but based on what I've seen, the above is representative of things.
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