If proof were ever needed that these 'competitions' are fatally flawed, we had it tonight. Andy A and Heidi Range were in the skate-off, after the worst skater (by a massive margin) was saved by the public vote. So, Mark (from Sam and Mark fame - actually, never watched them on TV but understand they are exceedingly popular with the kids) was saved by who knows how many teenage texts. Skating had fuck-all to do with anything, Mark was simply popular enough for votes to come in. So, after eight more contestants appear next week, Mark will be back to annoy and limp through each week because kids like him - fucking farce!
Oi, Christine! Your name is BLEAKLEY. It is not 'pronounced Blakely' as you'd apparently like, via some weird reinventing-of-yourself shit. No way can you escape the bleakness! We certainly can't!
Bleakness asked Robin Cousins a searching question before we got going with the skating, and the response was eye-opening. This is the stuff that Holly Willoughby could only have ever wished she could extract and present to the nation:
Bleakness: What are you hoping to see?
R Cousins: Great performances.
TV gold, eh? What was the best bit of the show? It was Tony Gubba's input of course. Here are some of his descriptive terms - real gems, but I'll keep my ears open for more in the coming weeks.
Rotating Fish Lift
Side Sit Drop & Fly Away
Running Gazelle
Puppet Lift
Dramatic Drapes
Funky Walk
Lemons
Floating Cartwheel
Desperation On Ice returns next Sunday, ITV.
...
Sunday, 8 January 2012
8.1.12 Peaches Pregnant
I read the news today - oh boy. I hold out little hope for the future, after the report on the latest status of Peaches Geldof. I will not apologise for seeming pessimistic; here are some of the points I extracted from the piece.
I was amused by the style with which the reporter introduced dubiousness to the career path followed by Peaches:
A spokeswoman for Peaches, who has tried to make a career as a telly host and model, said: "They are delighted".
It suggests to me a view that Peaches has rather failed in her attempts to make it as a host and model, don't you think? She is having the baby with her fiance, Thomas Cohen, who is only 20 years old. I realise that he may well be mature for his years, but even so, the youthful front man for the punk group SCUM does not at face value seem to offer a long term option. Peaches was married for a while - less than a year actually, before it ended.
So, he's 20, sings in a punk band called SCUM, and is 'delighted'. She's 22, has tried to make it as a telly host and model, is divorced, three months pregnant and 'delighted'. They are in the public eye, and probably have slightly skewed views on what normal life is all about.
Sorry but the signs are not good.
...
I was amused by the style with which the reporter introduced dubiousness to the career path followed by Peaches:
A spokeswoman for Peaches, who has tried to make a career as a telly host and model, said: "They are delighted".
It suggests to me a view that Peaches has rather failed in her attempts to make it as a host and model, don't you think? She is having the baby with her fiance, Thomas Cohen, who is only 20 years old. I realise that he may well be mature for his years, but even so, the youthful front man for the punk group SCUM does not at face value seem to offer a long term option. Peaches was married for a while - less than a year actually, before it ended.
So, he's 20, sings in a punk band called SCUM, and is 'delighted'. She's 22, has tried to make it as a telly host and model, is divorced, three months pregnant and 'delighted'. They are in the public eye, and probably have slightly skewed views on what normal life is all about.
Sorry but the signs are not good.
...
8.1.12 Diane Abbott - Twat
Diane Abbott has proved herself to be a twat. But that's not the real problem, because there are loads of twats in government. What's worse is that we can now see, following recent events, we have a person in a senior position who is unworthy. Yet again we are seeing a self-serving MP who has lost the plot, and who has lost sight of things. Blinded by her own self-importance, she has revealed personality traits that prove she should fuck off - that's resign in case you are unfamiliar with that way of putting it.
If a white MP said the things about black people in the way that Diane Abbott has portrayed white people, then he/she would be out - no question. Instead, we have this woman lingering, squirming and trying to hang on. She has a chip on her shoulder. Apparently there are some who have come out to support her, arguing that she cannot be classed as a racist. All I know is that she is unfit to hold any office, or benefit from a system that's supposed to provide all people with representation - without race being relevant. The fact that she has (not for the first time) chosen to highlight race is appalling. If she played football, she'd get a cuntin' ban!
Apologising because you are told to is not really a sincere step. So, her "apology" that was trotted out on Ed Miliband's orders is worthless. Actually, it is worthless in its own right anyway, as it sought to explain her awareness that some people had interpreted her comments in a certain way. So, it's our fucking fault then, is it? Piss off - you made a sweeping generalisation based on racial stereotyping at a shit level. You are not fit to be in power, offer any form of unbiased view, and Hackney residents would be better served by someone without your outlook.
The only person playing the race card here is Diane Abbott. By the way, her political views are not matched by personal actions, as she sends her son to a private school; as ever, double standards from Labour (New, Old, Whatever). She has suggested that West Indian mothers fight harder for their children than anyone else. The Head Teacher at her son's school has sought to defend her because apparently she is "always ready to help with fundraising". Well, he's a twat as well, then, if he thinks that cuts any mustard.
The following are reasons why someone in an MP's role might be dispensed with:
Being a cunt.
Being found out.
Having no sense of judgement.
Inappropriate actions or comments.
Being out of touch with the role completely.
Being out of sync with those being represented, and to whom a responsibility is owed.
Being a hypocrite.
Being race-obsessed and blinkered.
It seems that not content with pissing off millions of people, she has managed to add taxi drivers to the pot, as a specific group who are apparently all racists. This woman is dangerous.
Labour - whether you are now 'New Labour' or 'Old Labour' or just 'Plain Labour', get shot for your own good. Whatever you do, avoid being 'Indifferent Labour'. If this woman had an ounce of anything worthwhile about her, she'd go now. I suspect that she'll try to hang around though. Meanwhile, Ed Miliband is ill-equipped to sort out much, considering he thought Bob Holness hosted "Blackbusters".
Ed, don't give her a "P", please - give her a P45 and stop her participation in the Gold Run.
...
If a white MP said the things about black people in the way that Diane Abbott has portrayed white people, then he/she would be out - no question. Instead, we have this woman lingering, squirming and trying to hang on. She has a chip on her shoulder. Apparently there are some who have come out to support her, arguing that she cannot be classed as a racist. All I know is that she is unfit to hold any office, or benefit from a system that's supposed to provide all people with representation - without race being relevant. The fact that she has (not for the first time) chosen to highlight race is appalling. If she played football, she'd get a cuntin' ban!
Apologising because you are told to is not really a sincere step. So, her "apology" that was trotted out on Ed Miliband's orders is worthless. Actually, it is worthless in its own right anyway, as it sought to explain her awareness that some people had interpreted her comments in a certain way. So, it's our fucking fault then, is it? Piss off - you made a sweeping generalisation based on racial stereotyping at a shit level. You are not fit to be in power, offer any form of unbiased view, and Hackney residents would be better served by someone without your outlook.
The only person playing the race card here is Diane Abbott. By the way, her political views are not matched by personal actions, as she sends her son to a private school; as ever, double standards from Labour (New, Old, Whatever). She has suggested that West Indian mothers fight harder for their children than anyone else. The Head Teacher at her son's school has sought to defend her because apparently she is "always ready to help with fundraising". Well, he's a twat as well, then, if he thinks that cuts any mustard.
The following are reasons why someone in an MP's role might be dispensed with:
Being a cunt.
Being found out.
Having no sense of judgement.
Inappropriate actions or comments.
Being out of touch with the role completely.
Being out of sync with those being represented, and to whom a responsibility is owed.
Being a hypocrite.
Being race-obsessed and blinkered.
It seems that not content with pissing off millions of people, she has managed to add taxi drivers to the pot, as a specific group who are apparently all racists. This woman is dangerous.
Labour - whether you are now 'New Labour' or 'Old Labour' or just 'Plain Labour', get shot for your own good. Whatever you do, avoid being 'Indifferent Labour'. If this woman had an ounce of anything worthwhile about her, she'd go now. I suspect that she'll try to hang around though. Meanwhile, Ed Miliband is ill-equipped to sort out much, considering he thought Bob Holness hosted "Blackbusters".
Ed, don't give her a "P", please - give her a P45 and stop her participation in the Gold Run.
...
Friday, 6 January 2012
6.1.12 Friday Schedule
Oh dear me, what a feeble line up on TV. Close inspection reveals the following points.
BBC1
10.00am - Homes Under The Hammer. If they were being demolished, it might be more entertaining than the usual auction shit and doing-it-up story.
2.15pm - Escape To The Country. Properties in the New Forest area. In that case, surely it should be "Escape to the Forest"?
7.00pm - Celebrity Mastermind. As if we are in need of yet another 'celebrity' version of a programme.
7.30pm - A Question Of Sport. How on earth has the BBC decided that Joey Barton is worthy to be included on this programme. Surely a multiple offender and convicted thug, who has served time and seems to be permanently a hair's breadth away from violence and controversy, is not quite the right sort of person for a jovial quiz. There are hundreds of other sports stars who go about their business with a touch of decorum, honesty and without nastiness who could have been invited to the show.
BBC2
3.45pm - Flog It! Auction show. Well fuck me, I'd never have coped without this advice on the content.
6.30pm - Great British Railway Journeys. Michael Portillo is still pissing about on trains. For the last two years, he's been backwards and forwards, waving a Victorian guide to the railways, and padding the BBC schedules. First at tea-time on BBC2, then repeated late on BBC1, and then again on BBC2 and then with British Sign Language late at night. He's back again, but as there's no "R" in brackets, it cannot be a repeat. He must have found some more stations to move between.
8.00pm - Mastermind. This is a double bill; yes, back-to-back half hour programmes, which seems a bit mad considering over on BBC1 there was the 'celebrity' version at 7.00pm. Talk about overkill.
ITV1
2.00pm - Dickinson's Real Deal. Visit to Weston-Super-Mare, Somerset, where an old necklace and earrings fetch a good price in the salesroom. Fucking riveting stuff, David! I cannot contain myself.
8.00pm - Safari Vet School. Veterinary students from the UK treat wild animals in South Africa. I cannot wait to see the 'exchange trip', where "veterinary students from South Africa treat wild animals in the UK". Maybe they can put down some rioters, or thugs (?)
2.30am - Deliverance. Excellent film, put on at half-past-two in the morning! Twats.
Channel 4
5.00pm - Celebrity Come Dine With Me. Non-celebrities eat each other's foods and eat away at the edges of our lives with inane chatter and crap entertainment.
6.30pm - Hollyoaks. Cheryl, Lynsey, Jacqui and Nancy worry about Cindy's disappearance. What a fucking story line that is! Tripe.
7.30pm - Come Dine With Me: Celebrity Special. How exactly does this differ from the shit served to us at 5.00pm? - and how does Channel 4 justify another helping? If I'd wanted seconds, I'd have gone and got more custard, not tuned in to this shit.
8.30pm - New Girl. Ms Deschanel may be pretty, but spelling your first name "Zooey" is not acceptable, and is possibly reason enough for a boycott of the programme.
Channel 5
5.30pm - Chinese Food In Minutes. Ching-He Huang teaches two taxi drivers to cook oriental food. Perhaps they'd be better served if shown how to take the shortest route to a destination, rather than how to handle a wok.
6.00pm - Eddie Stobart: Trucks And Trailers. The company invests in an airline. Well, if that's the case, I think the programme ought to be fucking renamed! How about "Trucks, Trailers and Planes" then?
8.00pm - World's Toughest Trucker. More stuff to prove Channel 5 is obsessed with truckers.
9.00pm - Celebrity Big Brother. Complete Shit
10.00pm - Celebrity Wedding Planner. More Shite
11.00pm - Celebrity Big Brother's Bit On The Side. Protracted Shit
12.00 Midnight - Nothing to do with 'Celebrity' - just shitty Casino.
...
BBC1
10.00am - Homes Under The Hammer. If they were being demolished, it might be more entertaining than the usual auction shit and doing-it-up story.
2.15pm - Escape To The Country. Properties in the New Forest area. In that case, surely it should be "Escape to the Forest"?
7.00pm - Celebrity Mastermind. As if we are in need of yet another 'celebrity' version of a programme.
7.30pm - A Question Of Sport. How on earth has the BBC decided that Joey Barton is worthy to be included on this programme. Surely a multiple offender and convicted thug, who has served time and seems to be permanently a hair's breadth away from violence and controversy, is not quite the right sort of person for a jovial quiz. There are hundreds of other sports stars who go about their business with a touch of decorum, honesty and without nastiness who could have been invited to the show.
BBC2
3.45pm - Flog It! Auction show. Well fuck me, I'd never have coped without this advice on the content.
6.30pm - Great British Railway Journeys. Michael Portillo is still pissing about on trains. For the last two years, he's been backwards and forwards, waving a Victorian guide to the railways, and padding the BBC schedules. First at tea-time on BBC2, then repeated late on BBC1, and then again on BBC2 and then with British Sign Language late at night. He's back again, but as there's no "R" in brackets, it cannot be a repeat. He must have found some more stations to move between.
8.00pm - Mastermind. This is a double bill; yes, back-to-back half hour programmes, which seems a bit mad considering over on BBC1 there was the 'celebrity' version at 7.00pm. Talk about overkill.
ITV1
2.00pm - Dickinson's Real Deal. Visit to Weston-Super-Mare, Somerset, where an old necklace and earrings fetch a good price in the salesroom. Fucking riveting stuff, David! I cannot contain myself.
8.00pm - Safari Vet School. Veterinary students from the UK treat wild animals in South Africa. I cannot wait to see the 'exchange trip', where "veterinary students from South Africa treat wild animals in the UK". Maybe they can put down some rioters, or thugs (?)
2.30am - Deliverance. Excellent film, put on at half-past-two in the morning! Twats.
Channel 4
5.00pm - Celebrity Come Dine With Me. Non-celebrities eat each other's foods and eat away at the edges of our lives with inane chatter and crap entertainment.
6.30pm - Hollyoaks. Cheryl, Lynsey, Jacqui and Nancy worry about Cindy's disappearance. What a fucking story line that is! Tripe.
7.30pm - Come Dine With Me: Celebrity Special. How exactly does this differ from the shit served to us at 5.00pm? - and how does Channel 4 justify another helping? If I'd wanted seconds, I'd have gone and got more custard, not tuned in to this shit.
8.30pm - New Girl. Ms Deschanel may be pretty, but spelling your first name "Zooey" is not acceptable, and is possibly reason enough for a boycott of the programme.
Channel 5
5.30pm - Chinese Food In Minutes. Ching-He Huang teaches two taxi drivers to cook oriental food. Perhaps they'd be better served if shown how to take the shortest route to a destination, rather than how to handle a wok.
6.00pm - Eddie Stobart: Trucks And Trailers. The company invests in an airline. Well, if that's the case, I think the programme ought to be fucking renamed! How about "Trucks, Trailers and Planes" then?
8.00pm - World's Toughest Trucker. More stuff to prove Channel 5 is obsessed with truckers.
9.00pm - Celebrity Big Brother. Complete Shit
10.00pm - Celebrity Wedding Planner. More Shite
11.00pm - Celebrity Big Brother's Bit On The Side. Protracted Shit
12.00 Midnight - Nothing to do with 'Celebrity' - just shitty Casino.
...
6.1.12 Celebrity Big Brother Farce
The worse mistake on TV in recent times was the ludicrous decision by Channel 5 to "save" Big Brother, after it died on Channel 4. I was so pleased to learn of its demise, and subsequently so annoyed that Channel 5 stepped in to add this programme to its existing portfolio of shit, utter crap, bollocks, cuntin' repeats, mind-numbing trash, relentless adverts and CSI.
Now we are treated to an array of "celebrities" for the latest offering. I will not of course be watching this shit, but I cannot let it go by without comment, because the line-up is a joke and begs input.
Natalie Cassidy - most probably a very nice person if you know her. But, how does she qualify as a celebrity, exactly? She used to appear in Eastenders a long time ago, and that's it. The only other outing in which she's featured was Strictly Come Dancing, another vehicle for fading 'personalities' to try and plant themselves back into the minds of the general public.
Andrew Stone - never heard of him but apparently he is a dance teacher at Pineapple Studios. Well, of course, that qualifies him as a celebrity, doesn't it! Bollocks. Desperate measures, Channel 5.
Kristina & Karissa Shannon - oh dear, oh dear. Two of Hugh Hefner's live-in girlfriends - are you serious? It would appear so; Channel 5 has landed a massive coup here, and secured the input of two pointless 'models' who may just (between them) have an ounce of something worthwhile to listen to for 5 seconds. Laughable selection.
Frankie Cocozza - I have said all I need to say about Co-cunt and the fact that he counts as a celebrity tells the whole planet what being a 'celebrity' now involves, and counts for. It does though seem to qualify him for a £30,000 fee. Appalling.
Gareth Thomas - apparently a rugby player. It seems that whatever shaped ball you throw, hit or kick now, you're a 'celebrity'. Every sportsperson is by some weird default setting a 'celebrity', as is anyone who's ever been on TV, radio, or played blind-man's-buff within 3 miles of a velodrome or sailing club. Sorry Gareth, you've transitioned from unknown to forgotten in one sentence. Who?
Michael Madson - an actor, from the USA. I reckon he does count as a celebrity. One down so far, then.
Nicola Mclean - airhead unattractive 'model' who just doesn't cut it. Dire addition to any house.
Kirk Norcross - another TOWIE TWAT. Let's all reward talentless people, please.
Georgia Salpa - an ex-girlfriend of someone-or-other and a model (who isn't, these days?) from Ireland. Another one with a massive contribution to the world - yeah right.
Romeo Dunn - or 'Dun Roamin' as might be a better name. Singer, possibly a 'celebrity' but I can't say his profile has ever surfaced anywhere within a square mile of me.
Denise Welch - is there anything she hasn't done? Coronation Street, Benidorm, SCS adverts, Waterloo Road, Loose Women, Dancing on Ice. She's a professional 'always on the TV' type person. Does that mean celebrity? Probably.
Natasha Giggs - saving the 'best' till last, here's the biggest joke of the lot. The woman who shagged her brother-in-law, fucked up the whole family, and has done nothing else, or anything good at all. The inclusion of this completely pointless individual is embarrassing - but not to Channel 5 for some perverted reason. Ryan Giggs may well have proved himself a bit of a cunt with his actions, and Natasha has certainly offered hers, but Channel 5 is a bigger one. Left with nothing, she's now apparently worthy of our attention and a fat fee for having screwed Ryan behind her brother's back (not literally - I don't think) for years.
Summary
Let us rewards the no-hopers, the has-beens and the never-was's. Let's give airtime to the airheads. Lets pay the twats loads of money to be twats on screen. Let's stretch the classification of "celebrity" to beyond the reaches of intellect and reasonable interpretation. Let's endure (worse than any Endurance episode from Japan) the excruciatingly awful saga to the point where we want to scream. No, actually, let's not !!!
...
Now we are treated to an array of "celebrities" for the latest offering. I will not of course be watching this shit, but I cannot let it go by without comment, because the line-up is a joke and begs input.
Natalie Cassidy - most probably a very nice person if you know her. But, how does she qualify as a celebrity, exactly? She used to appear in Eastenders a long time ago, and that's it. The only other outing in which she's featured was Strictly Come Dancing, another vehicle for fading 'personalities' to try and plant themselves back into the minds of the general public.
Andrew Stone - never heard of him but apparently he is a dance teacher at Pineapple Studios. Well, of course, that qualifies him as a celebrity, doesn't it! Bollocks. Desperate measures, Channel 5.
Kristina & Karissa Shannon - oh dear, oh dear. Two of Hugh Hefner's live-in girlfriends - are you serious? It would appear so; Channel 5 has landed a massive coup here, and secured the input of two pointless 'models' who may just (between them) have an ounce of something worthwhile to listen to for 5 seconds. Laughable selection.
Frankie Cocozza - I have said all I need to say about Co-cunt and the fact that he counts as a celebrity tells the whole planet what being a 'celebrity' now involves, and counts for. It does though seem to qualify him for a £30,000 fee. Appalling.
Gareth Thomas - apparently a rugby player. It seems that whatever shaped ball you throw, hit or kick now, you're a 'celebrity'. Every sportsperson is by some weird default setting a 'celebrity', as is anyone who's ever been on TV, radio, or played blind-man's-buff within 3 miles of a velodrome or sailing club. Sorry Gareth, you've transitioned from unknown to forgotten in one sentence. Who?
Michael Madson - an actor, from the USA. I reckon he does count as a celebrity. One down so far, then.
Nicola Mclean - airhead unattractive 'model' who just doesn't cut it. Dire addition to any house.
Kirk Norcross - another TOWIE TWAT. Let's all reward talentless people, please.
Georgia Salpa - an ex-girlfriend of someone-or-other and a model (who isn't, these days?) from Ireland. Another one with a massive contribution to the world - yeah right.
Romeo Dunn - or 'Dun Roamin' as might be a better name. Singer, possibly a 'celebrity' but I can't say his profile has ever surfaced anywhere within a square mile of me.
Denise Welch - is there anything she hasn't done? Coronation Street, Benidorm, SCS adverts, Waterloo Road, Loose Women, Dancing on Ice. She's a professional 'always on the TV' type person. Does that mean celebrity? Probably.
Natasha Giggs - saving the 'best' till last, here's the biggest joke of the lot. The woman who shagged her brother-in-law, fucked up the whole family, and has done nothing else, or anything good at all. The inclusion of this completely pointless individual is embarrassing - but not to Channel 5 for some perverted reason. Ryan Giggs may well have proved himself a bit of a cunt with his actions, and Natasha has certainly offered hers, but Channel 5 is a bigger one. Left with nothing, she's now apparently worthy of our attention and a fat fee for having screwed Ryan behind her brother's back (not literally - I don't think) for years.
Summary
Let us rewards the no-hopers, the has-beens and the never-was's. Let's give airtime to the airheads. Lets pay the twats loads of money to be twats on screen. Let's stretch the classification of "celebrity" to beyond the reaches of intellect and reasonable interpretation. Let's endure (worse than any Endurance episode from Japan) the excruciatingly awful saga to the point where we want to scream. No, actually, let's not !!!
...
6.1.12 Virgin on the Ridiculous
How many more letters will arrive from Virgin Media in 2012, I wonder? After last year's onslaught, I have today received the first one of the year.
Now, I am not going to contest the claim that Virgin Media either provides 'a more exciting place to live' or is the name of an actual place in which I could reside to have some excitement. I am however going to question why on earth the company is so desperate for my own participation. All through 2010 and 2011 I received letters (well, they were addressed to 'The Occupier', so clearly I am not as well known to Virgin Media as they would perhaps wish) pestering me to enrole, subscribe, register, remortgage or whatever else is involved in benefiting from some sort of offer. You may have seen from previous blog posts that I have taken some small delight in forwarding the letters after adding addresses in the empty space below 'The Occupier' - including 10 Downing Street, Buckingham Palace, and even a lighthouse off the coast of Cornwall (with a Devon postal address). The latest effort is not a white C5 envelope with a half-A4 (so A5) size letter. Instead, Virgin has moved things along, and I have received a large brown envelope containing an unfolded A4 sheet and a small A5 booklet on the benefits of Virgin Media.
The letter's content is mainly directed at convincing me that Virgin Media presents me with major benefits over any Sky deal, and that for every possible issue with Sky and its service, there's no such concern with Virgin Media. The flaw in the whole thing is that I do not have Sky. Hitting me from every angle with how Virgin is better than Sky is pointless. Virgin Media may well be right - who cares though? If I told you that the service from a specific German company which makes the rivets manufactured in the production of food processing equipment used by yoghurt producers in France is very slightly better than the service provided by a specific Swedish company that makes very similar rivets manufactured in the production of food processing equipment used by yoghurt producers in Italy, would you give a fuck? Exactly.
The small booklet notes, "We've got a TiVo box with your name on it". Excellent news, then, but what a waste. I am tempted to return the leaflet with my own version - "I've got a bullet with your name on it".
...
Now, I am not going to contest the claim that Virgin Media either provides 'a more exciting place to live' or is the name of an actual place in which I could reside to have some excitement. I am however going to question why on earth the company is so desperate for my own participation. All through 2010 and 2011 I received letters (well, they were addressed to 'The Occupier', so clearly I am not as well known to Virgin Media as they would perhaps wish) pestering me to enrole, subscribe, register, remortgage or whatever else is involved in benefiting from some sort of offer. You may have seen from previous blog posts that I have taken some small delight in forwarding the letters after adding addresses in the empty space below 'The Occupier' - including 10 Downing Street, Buckingham Palace, and even a lighthouse off the coast of Cornwall (with a Devon postal address). The latest effort is not a white C5 envelope with a half-A4 (so A5) size letter. Instead, Virgin has moved things along, and I have received a large brown envelope containing an unfolded A4 sheet and a small A5 booklet on the benefits of Virgin Media.
The letter's content is mainly directed at convincing me that Virgin Media presents me with major benefits over any Sky deal, and that for every possible issue with Sky and its service, there's no such concern with Virgin Media. The flaw in the whole thing is that I do not have Sky. Hitting me from every angle with how Virgin is better than Sky is pointless. Virgin Media may well be right - who cares though? If I told you that the service from a specific German company which makes the rivets manufactured in the production of food processing equipment used by yoghurt producers in France is very slightly better than the service provided by a specific Swedish company that makes very similar rivets manufactured in the production of food processing equipment used by yoghurt producers in Italy, would you give a fuck? Exactly.
The small booklet notes, "We've got a TiVo box with your name on it". Excellent news, then, but what a waste. I am tempted to return the leaflet with my own version - "I've got a bullet with your name on it".
...
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
4.1.12 December Quotes of the Month
1st Place - "It's all right reading a normal book, but something that's academic is fucking horrible!" [Liam, after reading a book for university work for a few hours]
2nd Place - "If you find you haven't got enough, then you need a little bit more." [Amazing insight from Mike Robinson in Countrywise Kitchen, regarding the amount of meat needed to go round an egg to produce a Scotch Egg]
3rd Place - "There was just one bamboo shoot left when she flushed the chain." [Jess, regarding Emma being sick after a Chinese meal]
4th Place - "They're a former shadow of themselves." [Regarding Chelsea on Match of the Day; as ever, Alan, fantastically literate!]
5th Place - "You can put up with a wanker, but he's an absolute wanker." [Steve, regarding a mutual acquaintance]
6th Place - "He's on one of his skinny days today; one day he's this (+ physical imitation of being skinny) and the next he's out here." (+ physical imitation of being fat). [Adam, regarding the various forms adopted by Jimmy the canary]
7th Place - "You all danced incredible." [The oh so educated and prosaic Alesha Dixon on Strictly Come Dancing]
8th Place - "What are the chances of meeting in the toilet at quarter past two in the morning?" [A bleary-eyed Jess crossing paths with TMWSC]
9th Place - "What's that, a knee? Oh, I thought it might be a tin of something." [TMWSC to Mrs MWSC, while watching TV, suspecting the bump under the duvet was a tin of Quality Street]
10th Place - "I think that Chelsee's all a little bit to oooooooo." [Babs, regarding the words and actions of Chelsee on Strictly Come Dancing]
11th Place - "I think I've beaten my personal record - I've had them three times in a week." [Jess, ref chips]
12th Place - "She was going into a stage where she was depraved of oxygen." [Interview on Extras for the film Hereafter, with someone who meant 'deprived']
...
2nd Place - "If you find you haven't got enough, then you need a little bit more." [Amazing insight from Mike Robinson in Countrywise Kitchen, regarding the amount of meat needed to go round an egg to produce a Scotch Egg]
3rd Place - "There was just one bamboo shoot left when she flushed the chain." [Jess, regarding Emma being sick after a Chinese meal]
4th Place - "They're a former shadow of themselves." [Regarding Chelsea on Match of the Day; as ever, Alan, fantastically literate!]
5th Place - "You can put up with a wanker, but he's an absolute wanker." [Steve, regarding a mutual acquaintance]
6th Place - "He's on one of his skinny days today; one day he's this (+ physical imitation of being skinny) and the next he's out here." (+ physical imitation of being fat). [Adam, regarding the various forms adopted by Jimmy the canary]
7th Place - "You all danced incredible." [The oh so educated and prosaic Alesha Dixon on Strictly Come Dancing]
8th Place - "What are the chances of meeting in the toilet at quarter past two in the morning?" [A bleary-eyed Jess crossing paths with TMWSC]
9th Place - "What's that, a knee? Oh, I thought it might be a tin of something." [TMWSC to Mrs MWSC, while watching TV, suspecting the bump under the duvet was a tin of Quality Street]
10th Place - "I think that Chelsee's all a little bit to oooooooo." [Babs, regarding the words and actions of Chelsee on Strictly Come Dancing]
11th Place - "I think I've beaten my personal record - I've had them three times in a week." [Jess, ref chips]
12th Place - "She was going into a stage where she was depraved of oxygen." [Interview on Extras for the film Hereafter, with someone who meant 'deprived']
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