What on earth has happened to Cheryl Fibonacci Houdini recently? A sequence (get it?) of changes has resulted in a weird facial outcome, atop a skeletal frame. Really odd.
Cheryl with her X-Factor Chauffeur
Surely it must be obvious to everyone that there is an effort on her part to become a Thunderbirds puppet? The rather subdued 'New' Cheryl is certainly a different person. Simon seems to feel some sort of duty to look after her, without strings attached? I wonder . . . .
New Wave
The "singing and dancing at the same time" was a joke of a claim by the group, as they could do neither - most importantly SING! Hilariously fucking dire.
"I'm always admirable when people blah blah blah," said Cheryl, talking shite . . "admirable" ?? What an illiterate twat, who clearly cannot speak English.
The First Kings
The intro was rather self indulgent, and then the five blokes delivered a mediocre load of bollocks. This was formulaic trash masquerading as entertainment. Fuck off First Kings. The hype was unjustified. CCFV stood to clap. "I have been waitin' so long for a performance like this," she waffled, and bored the arse off every baboon in Longleat. "That for me mashed it up," said Ms Ritalin - WTF?
Chloe Page
Arriving with 76 family members in tow, she wanted to "make them proud" - a non-original proposition if ever there was one. I found her mumbling performance underwhelming as hell.
"I didn't want you to stop singing," said Rita - while I was glad of the cessation.
Intermission
Time for the Nick Grimshore is a waste of time moment.
Pointless
Adriana Deco
So awful that I am considering suing ITV and X-Factor for exposing me to this shite.
Zaiga from Latvia
Ditto as fuck.
Impulse (Lauren and Corina) from The Netherlands
Ditto as cuntin' fuck.
Seann Miley Moore from Australia
It's important to express yourself through fashion and music. Sadly he was a failure on both counts, but after a run of shite, he was deemed worthy of a place in the next round. This shows that relativity affects the decisions made in the auditions. Novelty value was his only real attribute.
Seven performers in the 45 minutes so far means we are being drip fed the shit this year, as in all other years on X-Factor.
Josh
The sob-story finale was about his best friend who died two years ago. Anyway, moving on to the matter of the music and singing. He was of course very good, and worthy of the 'final spot' to send us all on our way for the week. CCTV managed quite a few 'concerned' looks during the performance, to confirm her dismay that someone can sing, being alien to any such concept herself of course.
The audience cheered madly of course, and Lady Penelope was stuck for words, but not tears though. "You really touched me," said DVT, grateful for the attention. Grimshore said something bland. Simon confirmed a third 'Yes'.
So, we saw just EIGHT auditions. Fucking disgraceful rate of entertainment!
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