Susan, a 60-year-old lovely lady without a shred of fucking talent was first up. Rita's inaugural comment was:
"You are the highlight of the last five years of my life," said Rita. TWAT.
She put her through, as did Versini, and Grinbore. Simon diplomatically avoided casting any vote, with Susan having already secured three votes and a pass to oblivion.
A scared woman (Lauren, 25, from Northwest London) decided to sing rather than attend her job as a dental nurse. After the judges dispensed with any options for a Whitney Houston song, she was off singing reasonably well (aside from some growling). I waited for the cliches and got them.
"I would absolutely love to mentor you," said CFV.
"When you work with me, we are going to make some amazing songs," said Ritalin.
"Do you know what I like about you? You don't know how good you are." Simon rolled out this gem with no shame at all!
Man and Woman. A bloke and his girlfriend then abused my eardrums, while the female wiggled a bit in an impromptu 'dance'. He wailed like a earwig being squeezed, while the crowd cheered. WTF?
Jennifer Phillips was up next, wailing like a cat whose tail was in a mincer. The judges stood and wiggled (except Simon obviously) and then all four clapped. I yawned.
"You just need a constant standing ovation", said the dipsy Rita Oral.
"To coin a phrase, you took us to church girl," said CCTV, clearly not coining a phrase but using a pathetic cunt of a cliche. Eat a pie, luv.
"I'm amazed there hasn't been a male version of Cheryl Cole," said Simon, and this was repeated by Ritalin. Oops . . . . a double name clanger there. Then Tom started to perform, with his own dance troop. He got through, strangely. "He was committed," said CFVXY, and I thought he really should be.
A bloke wailed and danced with Rota, and got through? Ugh?
Tom Bleasby was next to take up time on the VT, a sure sign that he was set to be good enough to go through. Sure enough, he was good, but managed to pick a song that exposed the nerves and wobbles, at a pitch that was curious. The 'fluttering' was slightly disconcerting. A good lot of applause followed. He got through with four votes.
CC/CFC/CFV/CCTV/Citroen 2CV
What's happened to CFC these days? She looks not only malnourished, but facially so different. Odd as hell. Same voice, and of course, minimal singing talent, but certainly a new look.
The 4th Power arrived, from the Philippines - no space on PGT then? - and the giggling four were allowed to sing. What a change to see and hear something good!
"It blew my mind," said CFFS. Not hard.
Dani Clay got four yeses before we were exposed to Jon Goodey. Olly's mate. There was sadly nothing special here, though, and it rather showed.
"Although people were up and dancing, the only person who didn't like it as you." Sorry, Grimshaw, but I didn't! Four judges agreed on 'No', confirming that at least four more didn't like it.
Kelly Kiernan from Ireland was nervous. Jamie Mitchell was awful and nervous. Louisa Johnson was next up, and surely had to be good - and she was. "A billion percent yes," said Simon, unable to count.
Epitaph - This episode has resulted in us finding a girl band from the Philippines, and Louisa Johnson. 90 minutes for two worthy performances.
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