1 - "We are committed to poultry welfare." [Spokesman for KFC]
2 - "Petra's tried a rash of remedies." [Narrator on Embarrassing Bodies ref patient's nasty rash]
3 - "I nearly read it, but the word 'Pi' put me off." [Jess, explaining why she hasn't read The Life of Pi]
4 - "Oops; no laughing at all." [Harvey, after Aly dropped a jam jar]
5 - "Ooh, what's her name? . . . the Italian Scottish bint from Texas." [Aly, ref Sharleen Spiteri]
6 - "Bloody hell; I didn't realise she was foreign." [Jess, after speaking to Lorrenza from Italy, to give her some directions, and struggling to make herself understood]
7 - "Are you a porn star?" [Hotel butler, asking Katie Price a question]
8 - "We will give her a full refund on the condition she does not choose our restaurants or resorts for any future stays." [Hotel spokesman, after Katie Price's honeymoon stay]
9 - "We've been inseparable except for when we broke up." [on One born Every Minute]
10 - "You do everything to protect your family but how clean is your toilet? [Toilet Duck advert, rather overdoing the parental responsibility aspect]
11 - "Hopefully we'll be here next week to show these characters she's got." [Matt Evers, dance partner of Pamela Anderson on Dancing On Ice, talking about her character-driven dance abilities just before her 'characters'/boobs went on the loose]
12 - "I'm not graceful." [Jess]
13 - "Nazi architect Albert Speer spent 20 years in Spandau Ballet." [Radio 4 announcer, who meant Spandau Prison]
14 - "Because it's a duel, we both need to do it together." [Luke Campbell, on Dancing On Ice, showing his astuteness]
15 - "You've done your bit; you've walked from there to there." [Dale Winton, to a contestant who luckily joined in on his quiz with seconds before the end, and so qualified to answer just one question to win £33,000]
16 - "The Buck Inn . . For a BuckInn Good Night" [Sign outside the 'Buck Inn', Whitby]
17 - "Life's too short to put up with an overactive bladder." [TV advert]
18 - "You should do a Jenson Buttons." [Aly, suggesting growing younger, and meaning to refer to Benjamin Button]
19 - "She's having her hair done - and her nails to boot! Why not just say as well?" [Jess]
20 - "We believe there is potentially a potential for . . . ." [Radio 4, spokeswoman on woodlands]
21 - "Oona, you have a great face." [Jason Gardiner lying to Oona King, on Dancing On Ice]
22 - "Excessive beer consumption cannot be recommended for good health." [Professor Werner Kaminsky]
23 - "The question about his ability is never in question." [Mark Lawrenson]
24 - "It will be very tricky to see how Wigan get back into this game." [Commentator. No, tricky for Wigan to get back into the game, but EASY for me to see!]
25 - "They're playing with two lads who aren't constitute out and out forwards." [Who else but Alan Shearer!]
26 - "Sturridge is Kop's new bride and joy but it's Suarez handball that altars course of match." [Sun Sport - utter shite all round]
27 - "If we do that, there'll be a lot more better atmosphere." [Michael Appleton, Blackburn Manager]
28 - "Every agent seems to be trying to screw each other." [Harry Redknapp]
29 - "It'll be hard to pick their way through this many numbers." [Commentator, Liverpool v Sunderland]
30 - "The young couple was both murdered." [Daily Mail]
31 - "Insulin deficiency can mean you hold onto fat." [Embarrassing Bodies]
32 - "Edinburgh are the first European university to award Pele a degree." [Four Four Two magazine]
33 - "As far as temperatures go, in a word, cold." [No! weather is cold, temperatures are low!]
34 - "Love rat soap quiz - who cheated who?" [MSN]
35 - "Our aim is the same - to give every family their sparkle back." [Butlins advert]
36 - "One of you three are about to join in." [Dale Winton]
37 - "I play different." [Shane Warne. Yes, you are different and speak a different language; it's differently!]
38 - "Northerners could get less benefits." [MSN]
39 - "A little row of cottages are close to collapse." [TV News]
40 - "Most happiest." [Darcy Bussell - 'most happy' or 'happiest', please!]
41 - "Another bunch of ten chefs enter the kitchen." [Masterchef]
42 - "The team investigate complaints." [Rip Off Britain]
43 - "An animal lover discovers how much bacteria is lurking in her kitchen." [The Food Inspectors]
44 - "The coalition are agreed." [Radio 4]
45 - "In the global world . . ." [Radio 4]
46 - "It was a bit of a phenomena." [Thick band member from Essex on Radio 2]
47 - "We have been making efficiencies." [But not making sense, it seems! Chelmsford Council spokesman on Radio 4]
48 - "Cover and leave to marinade." [Schwartz Tikka packaging that should state 'marinate']
49 - "Eat healthier." [Quorn advert. Eat healthier food, yes, or be healthier, but eat healthily]
50 - "People have a lot of misconceptions about California but none if them are really true." [TV advert. I suspect that's why they're called misconceptions rather than conceptions!]
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