It's the time of the year when the archives are plundered, and literally dozens of 'Christmas' films are dusted off and shoved into the schedules. No channel does this with more enthusiasm than Channel 5, which started this mad obsession on the FIRST of fucking NOVEMBER!
I see in this week's TV Guide numerous Christmas films, so there is clearly a large supply in stock. I was mildly amused by the listing for tomorrow afternoon:
12:40 Dear Santa (2011)
2:30 Santa Who? (2000)
Elsewhere this week (on Tuesday) is another well thought through pairing, this time on Film4:
2:45 I Was Monty's Double (1958)
4:50 The Third Man (1949)
My final comment of films is linked to cuntism displayed by ITV (a not uncommon phenomenon) and its laziness in airing yet again a load of Harry Potter films to fill the schedules. Elsewhere, the cunts in charge [CIC] have decided that James Bond films need to be seen again; I've managed to avoid them for the last few weeks. As for Harry Potter and the the Dollops of Shit, I will forever be disposed to passing up any opportunity to tune in.
Whilst ITV is shamefully useless with its film selections, it is as ever the BBC that displays the highest levels of cuntism. Its insistence on ensuring there's a 15 minute overlap of Strictly Come Dancing with X-Factor is pathetic. What makes things even more difficult is that evasive action on my part, involving a switch to ITV+1 does overcome the problem, but later on leads to another, when the delayed viewing then means I miss fifteen minutes of Match of the Day. Of course the BBC is so fucking pompous that despite the stupid number of channels in existence now, all paid for by licence payers, there is not a single channel of the "+1" variety, to allow delayed viewing by one hour. The CIC at the BBC clearly think it's beneath them to allow such a development.
The BBC has two channels that are crap; BBC3 shows shite, and BBC4 is determined to offer programmes with the longest names possible. It is seemingly essential that the majority of programme titles go into rather a lot of detail. I think there's some some of covert competition between programme makers to try and devise the longest possible names. Some examples are:
Billy Joel: The Bridge to Russia - A Matter of Trust
Sex and Sensibility: The Allure of Art Nouveau
London: A Tale of Two Cities with Dan Cruikshank
Timewatch: Captain Cook - The Man Behind the Legend
The Rolling Stones Return to Hyde Park: Sweet Summer Sun
Natural World Special: Miracle in the Marshes of Iraq
Dancing Cheek to Cheek: An Intimate History of Dance
Timeshift: All the Fun of the Fair - A History of the British Fairground
Imagine - Rod Stewart: Can't Stop Me Now *
* I think this one would be better without any punctuation at all!
Over on Channel 4 there is the obligatory helping of fat gypsies, to underline the channel's obsession with this theme. My Big Fat Gypsy Christmas: Tinsel and Tiaras is something to be avoided at all costs.
A cautionary note now for all football fans. Please be aware that the BBC's FA Cup coverage includes commentary by the diabolical and infuriatingly shit Phil Neville, so you may want to put your TV on 'mute', or watch something else.
Mrs MWSC has just flicked through the Freeview menu, and channel 43 showed a programme called Great Value Jew. Only upon pressing 'OK' did the full name of the programme appear, and the 'Jew' was an abbreviation for 'Jewellery'.
At 8:00pm on Monday, on Channel 4, Jamie's Cracking Christmas. "Is he indeed," I wondered, and looked further to see how he'd be doing that. Apparently he's doing no more than "whipping up a selection of dishes", and I was unimpressed with the pun.
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