The Daily Mail Online provides a never-ending supply of so-called 'celebrities' parading in swimwear, 'frolicking' on beaches, cultivating toned muscles in a gym, or simply doing pretty much anything that draws attention (after having made sure that photographers know exactly what's going on, of course).
Today's crop of crap includes:
Denise Welch, metaphorically shouting 'look at me' in a red bikini. Desperate for attention, and for us to decide that she looks good at 56 after having lost two stone, she has blatantly sought the focal point of a few dozen lenses, so that she's in the news again while parading on a beach in Spain. Sad, tired, haggish actions.
Leigh-Anne Pinnock, of Little Mix fame, is of course rather younger, and quite appropriately has a rather more attractive body. Nevertheless, and despite the view being rather better on the beach in Barbados, it is still not a newsworthy event.
Millie Mackintosh is as ever in the gym, trying to extend the thigh gap, and narrow her legs even further. We know all this courtesy of the Mail Online, which seems to have a remit that includes keeping us all updated on just how skinny she is, and how flat her stomach is.
Imogen Thomas has resurfaced, although it is impossible to establish any reason at all for her appearing in red underwear, saying she'd like to appear on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here one day. Perhaps she ought to establish herself as a 'celebrity' before aspiring to such dizzy heights as a hammock in the jungle.
Ariana Grande has a standing order with the Mail Online, and the deal involves the inclusion of a daily photo confirming the pertness of her bottom, and preferably on view above legs clad in boots. The vacuous nature of this phenomenon is clear for all to see.
Helen Flanagan has appeared in today's line-up for a specific reason, surprisingly. It is to announce that she is three months into a pregnancy that should see her trusted with a baby unless someone steps in to question the sense of allowing this. The father is Scott Sinclair who plays for Manchester City. I have used italics because actually, he rarely actually contributes, and when he does, it's for just a few minutes. Still, two million quid a year for typically 200 minutes of football per season is bound to give him time enough to help out Helen while buying everything needed without worry over the cost.
Olivia Wilde gets coverage as well, with shots of her in a bikini as she "shows off her incredible post baby body just eight months after giving birth". This standard or journalism is as criminal as the subject matter. Still, some lucky photographer got to go to Hawaii with his Nikon.
Victoria's Secret - a generic VS model has also featured today, as always. This time it's Angel Martha Hunt "in a lacy white string bikini as she frolics in Miami," we are told.
Alex Gerrard is in Dubai, making sure that she's well turned out. The photos of her in a turquoise bikini on a beach are as uninspiring as Stevie's oratory skills in a post-match interview.
Daisy Lowe is pictured making a telephone call as part of a calendar video for a magazine. This has necessarily involved copious amounts of cleavage that we need to see for some reason.
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