There is much that serves to irritate, and the incessant dumbing down that has invaded our lives is truly sad. There is little defence against the onslaught of shit, and certainly none at all from the ill-named shite that I saw on sale in a shop this week, alongside a razor. The £4.99 was being asked for a box containing a razor and a product from Gillette called Irritation Defense. I was appalled that this oxymoronic bollocks was being offered while irritating the cuntin fuck out of me!
It may very well be the case that Americans do not opt for the English (original) spelling, and simplify 'defence' so that it is in sync with the adjectival approach ('defensive') but that is irrelevant in the United Kingdom. I most certainly resisted any urge to take up the offer. On this rare trip to a Lidl store, I was less than impressed with not just this affront to the English language, but the item alongside it on the shelf. The "Suddenly Woman 1" was an atrociously named perfume that made me laugh. In some sort of homage to Chanel, the makers had opted for a numeric qualifier for this product, as if there are numerous other reasons to suddenly become a woman.
The small white box was bypassed of course; anyone purchasing this item would no doubt cause offence (NOT 'offense', please note) to a recipient, suggesting by default that application of the liquid might suddenly feminise, whereas without it, she would be in a state of hormonal disarray, and have sweaty bollocks! I have just been irritated by this inbuilt spell checking shite that has 'advised' me via a red underline of a misspelling of feminise (there it goes again) and the required 'z' as a replacement for the 's' is most certainly NOT going to be provided by me. I am British, live in the United Kingdom and both speak and write in English.
I left the store with my purchases, with a final dose of irritation administered by Lidl via the enforced It's A Knockout style game where I tried to field the scanned items at anywhere near the speed at which they were presented (shovelled) on a playing surface the size of a fucking chopping board! [If you are American, I meant shoveled]. This stupid design is at complete odds with the 4 metre conveyor belt that serves as a runway for the operator to scan and shovel. I believe that Scan & Shovel should be trademarked by Lidl, as the company clearly wants to make this a feature of its service. If the twats think I am going to load 63 items from my trolley on to the conveyor, collect (catch) the 63 scanned items and put them back into the trolley, then take them all out again at the bench five feet behind the tills, place them in bags, put them back into the trolley and leave the store then the management at Lidl is stupid. It is also a fucked system when the items are scanned before the trolley is anywhere near unloaded, because there's instant fucking gridlock!
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