Cheryl FVTC feeling a bit of a cunt
Theme for today = Pass - Fail - Yawn
Paul Akister
He simply murdered this Queen song and then buried the cunt. "You are an amazing singer," said Louis. TWAT. Cheryl Ver-Tweedy said something pointless. Simon talked guff about being happy, thinking he was Pharrell Williams! Mel verbally sucked his nob and made me heave. I certainly was not "having a good time". FAIL.
Jay James
He wore white socks; that's enough to warrant doom! "I wasn't feeling it," said Mel. Correct - I felt fuck all except the tingle from this curry. Cheryl said "We're all performers," and I almost spat out my curry, at the gall of the fucking woman! Fernandez Tweenie Ver-Seedy is a waste of space. FAIL.
Lauren Platt
Sorry, luv, but a warbling mess with too many wobbles on middle and low notes. What the fuck, Ver-Tweedy, with this song choice? Louis talked shit (nothing new). "Can we all just remind ourselves that your just seventeen,"said Mel. NO, NO, NO! FAIL.
Only The Young
Only The Cabaret Act At Butlins came on stage and blamed it on the boogie. I blame Louis Walsh for breathing. Yawn. This is a middle of the road group which could fill an S-Club Seven mold, entertaining kids. I am not too sure that entertaining the 6-13 age group is what X-Factor is supposed to be about. FAIL.
Ben Haenow
It started weak and whiny, with affected vocals, and poor pronunciation. It degenerated into yet more of the same. The gravel in his voice became nauseating. I'd rather hear the spin section from my washing machine. Strained, and simply unappealing. Louis talked shit [deja vu, as ever] and then Mel said what needed to be said. Poor song choice and poor vocals. Fail.
Stevi Richie
Bohemian Rhapsody gave him the theatrical aspect that stops us seeing he can't sing in the normal sense. He teases with the occasional good note, and then retreats to his awful parody and general entertainer mode. We all know he's a lovely guy, but I don't think that is a component for judging X-Factor. A mildly amusing performance that had nothing to do with singing. Fail.
Stereo Kicks
Dire! Eight wimps warbling wistfully and vocally wanking on stage. Pathetic, lightweight and like tea made with a tea bag on its eighth outing. The stand-up section brought tears to my eyes, and a lump of suicidal tendency. The song was/is complete shit, and they matched it with more shit. "Your best performance," said Mel. Bollocks! Louis talked complete shit [deja vu]. Fail.
Fleur East
A departure from her normal type of performance and song. The song was awful and the 'singing' was dodgy. All the way through she was hanging in there without any real power or strength. Borderline, and this week, she was not worth a 'Yawn' I am afraid. CCTV managed (yet again) to use the word "thoroughly". Not as bad as some, but sadly still a Fail.
Andrea Faustini
After the VT which was a parody of a Dolmio advert, he launched into a Queen song, and Somebody To Love was delivered. It was okay, but hardly phenomenal. The OTT delivery was actually off-putting. Someone with a really good voice was simply not giving us something decent. The whooping and wailing from the audience was misplaced. I suppose I should award a 'Yawn' but actually, it's a fucking Fail.
This week was a bollocking rollicking struggling load of SHIT! This is summed up by the fact that Only The Young were actually most probably the least offensive!
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