Fictional TV v Reality TV
The programme should of course be called I'm Not A Celebrity But I'm In Here Anyway rather than its actual title. This week we have endured the usual pathetic mix of input from wannabes and z-listers who most probably hope to improve their standing in the world, or actually gain some recognition in the first place.
Gemma Collins
By far and away the worst example of a participant (and I use that term very loosely) was Gemma Collins, the quite dreadful example of a self-obsessed human being, and someone whose sense of personal entitlement and expectation is at a level far beyond anything ever earned. Instead of embracing the challenge for which she signed up, she decided to start bellyaching right from the outset, and the usual helicopter ride. Pathetic fucker.
Gemma has managed to out-Flanagan Helen Flanagan in the uselessness stakes, and do so while displaying not just a ditsy outlook and low tolerance level for anything more demanding than breathing, but a very, very unattractive attitude. She is perhaps not helped by her looks; I refer NOT to her weight [that can move and speak for itself] but to her hard-faced whinging. I concede that I did say to Mrs MWSC the other day that "With no make-up, she's really rather unattractive; like a rhino without the horn". That simply made what she was saying even more unattractive. However, as I have said, it is as a person that she will prove to have failed awfully. I have no doubt that the public will take a long time to forgive her, if indeed it does.
Dec highlighted her non-existent input when, after her assertion that this was the hardest thing she'd ever done, he queried what it actually was that she'd "done". Her display this week has provided proof (as if any were needed) that the world of reality TV is a completely fucked-up one, creating a right mess for those taking part, and an horrendous example for all those viewers aspiring to have a similar lifestyle. But while television channels persist with their invites to every waste-of-space who wants something for nothing, then we will continue to be fed trash TV and see people with standards lower than a limbo dancer's personal best.
It is indeed hard to escape shit TV. You'll have noticed that ITV has gone some way to helping, through its creation of yet another channel - ITV.Be. This is simply a dumping ground for SHIT television offerings, and I have never tuned into it. However, despite my stalwart attempts to shield myself from the crap, ITV on its main channel seems intent on fucking me off with adverts for ITV.Fucking.Be!
Jake Quickenden
Can we please have an explanation as to how the fuck this guy is in Australia, and on my television, in a show that is allegedly full of celebrities, please? Just in case anyone is unsure of who Jake is, he was on this year's X-Factor singing competition, but came 12th, mainly because he can't sing. This, apparently, is qualification enough for a profile as a "reality star", according to ITfuckingV. This was the strapline below his name, when he was introduced to the jungle camp a couple of days ago, alongside Edwina Curry.
Now, Jake may well be a nice guy, although he's as shallow as a one person's piss in a swimming pool. It is quite clear that his credentials for appearing on I'm Not Celebrity By I'm In Here Anyway are that he is young, has muscles, and might shag something. He should note that if he gets anywhere with Kendra Wilkinson, one of the ex-girlfriends of Hugh Hefner, then he'll surely have to avoid giving her an orgasm - otherwise he'll get the "Oh my Gaaaaaarrrrdddd" wail that we've all come to know and hate, this week.
Edwina Curry
I read somewhere that she's getting £110,000 for this jungle excursion. Nice work if you can get it.
Laura, Joe and Rob
The best entertainment from IACGMOOH is provided over on ITV2, on the sister show that has the word "Now" added. There is a great atmosphere on the hour-long follow-on show, and it is genuinely funny. The three presenters are most certainly worthy of airtime.
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