20.10.14 Food News To Digest

MILK

Selling breast milk for £2 per ounce to mothers, or £10 per ounce to anyone with a milk fetish, Josie Cunningham manages to demonstrate just how low she can get, and test whether she still qualifies as human.  I think that aside from the ghastly picture above, we all know the answer to that anyway, after so many examples of vile behaviour, cuntish attitudinal displays, and money-grabbing . . . . all the time contributing fuck all, of course.


YOGHURT

Rumours that Gok Wan is physically and mentally capable of starting any sentence without using the words "Okay girls . . . " or "Come on girls . . ." have proved totally false.  It seems this vicious claim was started by competitors of Activia, the yoghurt he shamelessly promotes.  Elsewhere in Yoghurtland, Nicole Scherzinger is still fucking about on behalf of Muller, and mispronouncing 'yoghurt' for the British audience forced to watch these dreadful adverts.  Mullerbolical.


BANANAS

Waitrose delivered a bit more than bananas to a chap in London, who received a free Brazilian Wandering Spider with his order.  A spokesman apologised for the unrecorded item being included, citing that despite its markings, the spider did not have an authentic bar code, and so escaped the scanning process.  [Made the last bit up, actually]


SUGAR 

Not content with fucking up the product a good few years ago by removing the amount of sugar in them, the makers have now lost the plot all together, and have gone for rebranding.  I gave up eating this cereal when the taste was lost and I believed myself to have been eating damp cardboard from a bowl.  The national obsession with removing sugar, salt, taste, and generally anything nice from the list of ingredients found in a range of products has gone too far now. Sadly no one is trusted anymore, or allowed to decide what is okay, and companies bow to all sorts of pressures (real and imagined) to try and win custom.  Well, I suspect that this latest move will help the cereal slip from its current position (18th) in the list of most popular cereals, and that kids with any sense will dismiss the Honey Monster and the associated marketing ploys as pathetic.


SALT

Elsewhere in the world of research, bored scientists have established that around the globe, the salt content of foods varies enormously.  Different countries sell what might appear to be the same products, but the salt levels vary considerably.  So, this research is able to help me appreciate, amongst other mind-numbing facts, that my Cornflakes are less salty than those in a Venezuelan's breakfast bowl.  Cock-a-doodle-do, or Whoop-de-fucking-dooo (?) I hear you ask.  In next month's pointless research, scientists offer more in depth analysis on whose cock is bigger, as "the man in the street" suggests that any fat cunt who is hungry will still eat too much and either keep fat or get fatter.  Scientists also struggle to understand that whatever their efforts to give accurate details on what's in something, and how they are helping to reduce people's weight, fat fuckers will move on to having extra pudding, a barrel of Coke, and then a bar of chocolate as a reward.

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