What a deplorable record The Sun newspaper has, when it comes to grammar. I'm not sure there aren't other papers that could push it in the race to be most useless at using the English language, but as I don't tend to buy many other papers, it's hard to know.
This week, printed just below the usual article on the costs of food baskets (comparing the major supermarkets etc.) there was a small note on some goings on in Denmark. It was printed as follows:
Denmark have dropped their fat tax on products with more than 2.3 per cent saturated fat.
Denmark have dropped their . . . . . ? What the fuck?
I fear for the national. Fuck the Leveson report and control of the press; what about getting the cunts who produce newspapers to use the English language?
Elsewhere I saw a listing in the TV Guide of the Daily Mail, and it was again worthy of a What the fuck? from me. The entry was as follows:
Film: The Odd Angry Shot (1979): A force of Australian soldiers serving in the Vietnam War has their attitude to the conflict changed by a fatal incident.
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Formula 1
David Coulthard was annoying me (as ever) with his commentary during the Formula 1 Everything-You-Didn't-Want-To-Know-About-Tyres Championship, won eventually by Sebastian Vettel. After the gruelling event (that's me listening to him drone on with his appalling intonation, not the actual 71 laps completed by drivers) I was pleased that the season was over. A few months off will be welcome relief, and an absence of Coulthard's horrendous assault on my ears will be heaven. During the race, separate from the rubbish he spewed regarding Vettel going backwards [featured in my November Quotes of the Month post] he decided to bore us about the rain, and referred to the "amount of rain drops". David, referring to the 'amount of rain' is fine, or the 'number of rain drops'. Rain is a mass noun.
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Birds
World markets have really shifted in the last few weeks, what with such a change in price of wholesale sand - or perhaps paper (?) - and I can report now that the repercussions for bird owners are significant. Yes, the local pet store raised its price of 8 sandsheets from £1.39 to £1.98 overnight. Birdcage owners across the country are feeling the effects of the 42.44% increase levied, as I say, overnight at the end of October.
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Middleton
No, not the place north east of Manchester, but Kate. A couple of weeks ago, it was reported that Kate [wait for it - this is horrific news] was spotted wearing a dress for the second time in 11 months. Fucking hell! What a pathetic example of jurnalism, social comment and priorities. This week, we're all supposed to have been in awe at her new fringe. I think some tabloid contributors need to get a life.
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Hand Luggage
Why is it that a toothpick in your hand luggage at Airport Security will be deemed a violation, yet after going through to the departure lounge, I was able to buy an overpriced burger that was delivered (rather flamboyantly by the waiter) with a six-inch wooden skewer through it? This was the mother of all toothpicks! Further, why was I given metal cutlery (madeby Arthur Price of England) to eat it with - cutlery that minutes earlier would probably have seen me arrested but which now could quite easily be mine and secreted on my person? I'd have been free to stab a pilot and the implements would have been provided by the airport itself, making a mockery of any notion of 'security'!
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Councils
County Councils are so often a fucking nuisance to the people they are supposed to serve. Despite collecting extortionate amounts of money from this citizens saddled with council tax, councils seem hell bent on being institutionally cuntish. If social services workers are not removing children from the care of excellent parents or foster parents, they're ignoring other children at severe risk! Planning departments seem to revel in making people's lives miserable, denying them planning permission for an extension while sanctioning a new superstore down the road on what was a perfectly good green fucking field.
Recently, Brighton & Hove City Council has been under fire from "transgender activists" who want the terms 'Mr' and 'Mrs' dropped from forms and letters. East Sussex county deputy leader Phelim MacCafferty called the titles Mr and Mrs completely useless. He said: "Trans people aren't necessarily male of female. Sometimes they don't want to be defined by their gender." What a useless, misguided, twat of a fucking prick (notice how I mixed the sexes there?) would say that! Does this mean that the views of 0.01% of the population are to be allowed to drive policy. What about democracy? A council spokesman said: "Trans people still face significant discrimination. The council is proud to be involved in pioneering work to address this." What complete idiocy and shite! A decision could therefore be made quite soon that discriminates against peopel who know their own gender. This country is not free, sensible or run by people worthy of office.
In Scunthorpe, market traders have been threatened and fined for shouting out the prices of fruit and veg. I am amazed that there are resources available to waste, as well as an agenda to target working people whose lives will only be made worse by retrograde actions wanted by no cunt in the borough!
My local council delights in spending money on an exceedingly regular basis for landscape gardeners to come and put flowers in the small beds outside the Town Hall. What with Christmas decorations, a tree and general clearing up, there's always something being spent.
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Crack
I was channel surfing two weeks ago, when I suddenly heard the word "crack" as I flicked through Channel 4. I reversed and had a look, and discovered the programme being shown was Embarrassing Bodies. Hmmmmm.
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Alcohol
Yet again, the actions of the few are driving politicians towards stupidity. Yes, the UK is NOT a democracy at all. The majority is not listened to, nor does the majority ever get a chance to record itself as such because the government denies us the chance to vote. Where's the promised vote on being in Europe then? The Scots are allowed in 2014 to have a say in membership of the UK, yet a pledged vote on Europe is now denied us. The nanny state is actually a lying cunt. There is no freedom in this country, no real choice, and interference at a ludicrous level. We're now going through the process of listening to useless claims being made by ministers and MPs regarding the merits of a minumum price per unit. I can be quite certain that this will not have the effect claimed by politicians and arses residing in university research departments. No, there will be no progress in improving the nation's health. People will drink what they want, and always find money to satisfy their needs, whever they are. Everyone will simply be forced to pay more under this new approach, but for no benefit.
There will be legal challenges, and I reckon that even if the price does go up, supermarkets will give 'free items' for every purchase of booze, offering items that would be bought anyway, and so represent a real discount. There will be more smuggling, more imports from the continent, and more crime. Resentment will rise and hostility from those toying with drunkenness will increase as they make theri way towards temporary oblivion in the high streets of the UK. The 'open all hours' approach to pubs and clubs introduced by Labour was the first and most significant mistake in decades in leading to increased alcoholic consumption. Another Labour fuck up that's hard to undo. 45p per unit will not stop people getting drunk, and it will do little to stop teenagers drinking. These are, don't forget, the teenagers who play on computer games that costs £40 each, who are often not averse to obtaining money through means that are diverse and clever. There are twats who claim crime will go down because people are more responsible and less influenced by alcohol. Sorry, but the increase in crime will outweight that, as desperate measures (no pun intended) are taken by desperate people to obatin the stuff in the first place.
It's all bollocks. Instead of all this, the problem should be tacked more directly, and targeted at those who cause trouble. Drunk and disorderly? Arrest and a fine. Threatening behaviour, bigger fine. Can't pay? Community service, or prison. Work caused for the Police or the need for Medical input? Fine them to cover costs. Seriously, if cunts drink so much that there is fighting and bad behaviour then they should pay £250 for the first offence. Fuck me, you are stung for money for travelling safely in a car at 10mph more than what the sign says. Someone who drinks himself three-quarters of the way to a coma and needs an ambulance and an overnight stay in hospital, with many staff having input, will pay nothing! MADNESS. However, the government will continue to claim it's acting in the interests of health - in which case when is the tax on cream cakes coming in?
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Strictly Come Dancing
Bruce Forsythe is still alive, and torturing us with his lame-as-fuck attempts at humour. I am monitoring the situation and will advise on any change. NB: This will not be in respect of any arrival of humour, as that is impossible to imagine; rather, my updates will be related to the health and presence of Mr Forsythe until such time as no monitoring is necessary.
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Labour Arses
Just before leaving office, Alistair Darling acted like a complete and utter idiot, selling the UK short by signing up to various commitments - as a result, we were saddled with enormous demands for money to help bail out the Eurozone. He quite simply fucked it, but did it on purpose. That level of stupidity is unbelievable, and it was perhaps mixed with bitterness, resentment, and who knows what else. It's clear, though, that just before departing, he couldn't resist the fuck up.
Mr Mitchell has had a torrid time recently, falling out with everyone over the 'Plebgate' issue and presiding for a while over the overseas aid budget. On his last day of office, he allowed £16million to be authorised for Rwanda. Another example, this time not labour, of a twat doing something because he could, and ignoring every bit of common sense thinking that was available to him - personal and from colleagues, if indeed he even consulted. The lesson here is beware of people in their last days. I think there should be a ban on any major decisions being signed off by arses who want to and choose to screw things up on purpose, and trot out some sort of lame excuse afterwards.
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