1 - "The worst kind of cups for coffee are navy blue ones . . . . . . they make it look like shit." [Sue]
2 - "I think my entire life has been in preparation for this moment." [Contestant on X-Factor USA, aged 13]
3 - "I like to use a shallow casserole that isn't deep." [Nigella Lawson]
4 - "Fred & Perry go live." [TMWSC, drunk, and meaning 'Kevin & Perry Go Large']
Further pathetic comments that include horrendous grammar
5 - "The runner up today are the reds." [Tim Wonnacott]
6 - "We've marked down a huge amount of prices." [Wickes TV advert]
7 - "The range of savings are fantastic." [Boundary Mill Stores TV advert]
8 - "There are one or two question marks about his future." [Football commentator, ref Nani]
9 - "Demba Ba could have stealed the point." [Local TV sports news, ref Newcastle losing 1-0]
10 - "The second most amount of cards." [Colin Murray on MOTD2, talking shit]
11 - "They started the game so sloppy." [Lee Dixon]
...
Saturday, 24 November 2012
24.11.12 October 'Jess' of the Month
Not for the first time, Jess has managed to feature rather too much in the quote of the month list, and so gets her own separate list.
1st - "It's the same as a hot water bottle, just not poured." [Jess being cold and explaining why she was sitting on the kitchen worktop, cuddling the kettle]
2nd - "It's like bitty potato." [Jess explaining why she doesn't much like hash browns!]
3rd - "I go around knocking into things all the time; I only notice if it hurts." [Jess commenting on her clumsiness]
4th - "I can't imagine you doing it, Nel; you won't even eat a prawn! [Jess, rejecting the idea of eating fellow (dead) passengers to stay alive, if stranded after a plane crash, and challenging with this one-liner]
5th - "Liam plays poker the way he deals with money in real life." [Jess, not quite impressed]
6th - "It's everything you want from a takeaway." [Jess, ref a 'London Pizza', at the end of a night out: Margherita, with both garlic sauce and chips on top]
...
1st - "It's the same as a hot water bottle, just not poured." [Jess being cold and explaining why she was sitting on the kitchen worktop, cuddling the kettle]
2nd - "It's like bitty potato." [Jess explaining why she doesn't much like hash browns!]
3rd - "I go around knocking into things all the time; I only notice if it hurts." [Jess commenting on her clumsiness]
4th - "I can't imagine you doing it, Nel; you won't even eat a prawn! [Jess, rejecting the idea of eating fellow (dead) passengers to stay alive, if stranded after a plane crash, and challenging with this one-liner]
5th - "Liam plays poker the way he deals with money in real life." [Jess, not quite impressed]
6th - "It's everything you want from a takeaway." [Jess, ref a 'London Pizza', at the end of a night out: Margherita, with both garlic sauce and chips on top]
...
24.11.12 Family Fortunes
I had the 'mis-fortune' (pun intended) to stumble across a repeat programme being shown at stupid o'clock in the morning. It was Stacey Solomon and her clan versus some bloke from Emmerdale, whose team scored just a few points after winning just one round. In the round-up at the end of the show, Vernon Kay described their efforts in all seriousness as "awesome", and never has a better example arisen to show how overused and misused this word is.
In speaking to the Emmerdale chap, to pad out the show and waste time, Vernon suggested to him that he was very "family oriented". This may well be perfectly acceptable in the USA, and most probably Canada as well, Vernon, but you are fucking British and a highly (over-) paid presenter; please in future use the correct term - 'family orientated'. Globalisation is not an excuse for people to give up on things and opt for either whatever they like, or more often, the easiest/laziest/shortest way of saying something.
The last question on the show was to find the top answers to the question:
"What is another word for intelligent?"
After revealing 'Bright', 'Brainy', 'Smart' and 'Clever', the Emmerdale family was stumpted and it passed to the Solomons to try and come up with the one missing word suggested by respondents in the survey. Stacey's sister suggested "Intellectual" and I thought that this was a good choice for the fifth and least popular answer, behind the aforementioned four words. Vernon moved along the line and was met with multiple suggestions of "Genius" from family members. That's what they all decided upon as the answer, and they were duly disappointed when it was wrong - and the missing word was 'Intellectual'. It was a fitting subject/theme for the programme, as none of the Solomon family (excluding Stacey's sister) can have any claim to intellectuality. If these were supposed to be alternatives to 'Intelligent' (an ADJECTIVE) and the four answers revealed were of course all ADJECTIVES, why the fuck did this mob then elect to choose 'Genius' as another word for 'Intelligent'? I reckon simply because of the way they all talk, and their understanding of grammar is shit. The dumbed down world in which we now live means it's apparently acceptable to describe someone by saying: "He's really genious". Actually, they probably all say "He's real genius" and it's no doubt this level of ignorance that meant the faux pas by the Solomons was forthcoming.
Is it the case, I wonder, that contestants on a show are deemed more worthy if they are not intelligent? TV generally endorses stupidity to gain laughs, and contributes massively to the decline in standards. Not content with their chosen hosts being unable to speak properly, channels now search high and low for misfits and idiots to fill the schedules, and promote the lowest levels of just about anything one can measure.
...
In speaking to the Emmerdale chap, to pad out the show and waste time, Vernon suggested to him that he was very "family oriented". This may well be perfectly acceptable in the USA, and most probably Canada as well, Vernon, but you are fucking British and a highly (over-) paid presenter; please in future use the correct term - 'family orientated'. Globalisation is not an excuse for people to give up on things and opt for either whatever they like, or more often, the easiest/laziest/shortest way of saying something.
The last question on the show was to find the top answers to the question:
"What is another word for intelligent?"
After revealing 'Bright', 'Brainy', 'Smart' and 'Clever', the Emmerdale family was stumpted and it passed to the Solomons to try and come up with the one missing word suggested by respondents in the survey. Stacey's sister suggested "Intellectual" and I thought that this was a good choice for the fifth and least popular answer, behind the aforementioned four words. Vernon moved along the line and was met with multiple suggestions of "Genius" from family members. That's what they all decided upon as the answer, and they were duly disappointed when it was wrong - and the missing word was 'Intellectual'. It was a fitting subject/theme for the programme, as none of the Solomon family (excluding Stacey's sister) can have any claim to intellectuality. If these were supposed to be alternatives to 'Intelligent' (an ADJECTIVE) and the four answers revealed were of course all ADJECTIVES, why the fuck did this mob then elect to choose 'Genius' as another word for 'Intelligent'? I reckon simply because of the way they all talk, and their understanding of grammar is shit. The dumbed down world in which we now live means it's apparently acceptable to describe someone by saying: "He's really genious". Actually, they probably all say "He's real genius" and it's no doubt this level of ignorance that meant the faux pas by the Solomons was forthcoming.
Is it the case, I wonder, that contestants on a show are deemed more worthy if they are not intelligent? TV generally endorses stupidity to gain laughs, and contributes massively to the decline in standards. Not content with their chosen hosts being unable to speak properly, channels now search high and low for misfits and idiots to fill the schedules, and promote the lowest levels of just about anything one can measure.
...
Thursday, 22 November 2012
22.11.12 I'm A Celebrity 2012
This year's mess is mildly entertaining, regardless of the dubiousness of the 'celebrity' label, considering the mix of people in the jungle. Most are has-beens. I haven't a clue what Eric Bristow's been doing for the last decade, but being a celebrity was not part of his regime. Linda Robson was never funny, and still isn't. In fact, she's of no real value in terms of entertainment. The Pussycat Doll who's fulfilling this year's role of 'American' is neither here nor there. Actually, she's here, and there would be better than here!
Ant & Dec are amusing (most of the time) and clearly enjoy themselves with the banter. They're well paid, as are the so-called celebrities. I have not phoned to vote, as that would be wasting money, and encouraging the producers to pay twats silly money to appear on the show.
I think the last time I saw Brian Conley was on some sort of crappy 'family' programme, year ago. Seaside Special, maybe? A politician is exactly that. So how the MP for Arsing-Around-On-The-Wold is deemed a 'celebrity' is baffling. I didn't realise Colin Baker was still breathing, let alone twice the size he was and considered a celebrity. Limahl !!! Whatever next?
Rosie Webster has shown she's completely useless. I do not care that she got 12 stars on a trial that was actually very easy. I also refer to her as 'Rosie Webster' rather than Helen Flanagan for the simple reason that they are one and the same. She has managed to reveal to all viewers that when playing the part of 'Rosie' in Coronation Street, she was at no point acting. She was being herself. Yes, the spoilt airhead with the dismissive attitude and head in the clouds was the same person we are now seeing in the jungle. Out of touch with reality, claiming to give 100% when doing no such thing, and displaying everything that's annoying and pathetic about overly rewarded people in the public eye, Helen/Rosie has babbled on with her self-obsessed mutterings for far too long. I believe it was Eric Bristow who commented that if he had a son or daughter with her outlook and abilities, he would hang them [sic]. Perhaps someone ought to tell Helen/Rosie that she should leave her pouty lips alone, and work on making her eyes less manic.
The cook (Rosemary) wears one down with her 'jolly hockey sticks' banter. The bloke from 'Made In Chelsea' (Hugo) is an enigma. Charlie Brookes is down-to-earth and okay, as is David Haye. If I've missed out anyone else, then that rather proves how useless he/she is.
...
Ant & Dec are amusing (most of the time) and clearly enjoy themselves with the banter. They're well paid, as are the so-called celebrities. I have not phoned to vote, as that would be wasting money, and encouraging the producers to pay twats silly money to appear on the show.
I think the last time I saw Brian Conley was on some sort of crappy 'family' programme, year ago. Seaside Special, maybe? A politician is exactly that. So how the MP for Arsing-Around-On-The-Wold is deemed a 'celebrity' is baffling. I didn't realise Colin Baker was still breathing, let alone twice the size he was and considered a celebrity. Limahl !!! Whatever next?
Rosie Webster has shown she's completely useless. I do not care that she got 12 stars on a trial that was actually very easy. I also refer to her as 'Rosie Webster' rather than Helen Flanagan for the simple reason that they are one and the same. She has managed to reveal to all viewers that when playing the part of 'Rosie' in Coronation Street, she was at no point acting. She was being herself. Yes, the spoilt airhead with the dismissive attitude and head in the clouds was the same person we are now seeing in the jungle. Out of touch with reality, claiming to give 100% when doing no such thing, and displaying everything that's annoying and pathetic about overly rewarded people in the public eye, Helen/Rosie has babbled on with her self-obsessed mutterings for far too long. I believe it was Eric Bristow who commented that if he had a son or daughter with her outlook and abilities, he would hang them [sic]. Perhaps someone ought to tell Helen/Rosie that she should leave her pouty lips alone, and work on making her eyes less manic.
The cook (Rosemary) wears one down with her 'jolly hockey sticks' banter. The bloke from 'Made In Chelsea' (Hugo) is an enigma. Charlie Brookes is down-to-earth and okay, as is David Haye. If I've missed out anyone else, then that rather proves how useless he/she is.
...
22.11.12 Chelsea FC
What a fucking mess. Abramovich is quite clearly 'affected' and not able to think rationally let alone fairly about anything in his realm. Whilst I have major issues with Di Matteo's horrible gum-chewing prowess, I don't understand the sense that's behind a sacking for someone who's brought to the club a fantastic Champions League result a few months ago.
Chelsea is a laughing stock. John Terry is obviously a boil on the arse of the establishment, and has done more than most to bring down the club. Ashley Cole is a twat as well. Then, after a soap-opera style display, the owner decides to be a nob - again.
Oh well - do I care? No, of course not. Chelsea is a club that deserves everything shite that comes its way.
...
Chelsea is a laughing stock. John Terry is obviously a boil on the arse of the establishment, and has done more than most to bring down the club. Ashley Cole is a twat as well. Then, after a soap-opera style display, the owner decides to be a nob - again.
Oh well - do I care? No, of course not. Chelsea is a club that deserves everything shite that comes its way.
...
Thursday, 1 November 2012
1.11.12 Why Britain Is Screwed Up (No.76)
I read today that a useless judge has allowed a thug to walk free. The offender was a mother of two (the children are 8 years old and 4 months old, if you're interested) and is actually pregnant as well - heaven help her kids, born and unborn. Amanda Lowe, aged 26, decided it would be appropriate to join in with an attack on a a chap called Khuram Nisar. After shouting "Fucking Paki" and "Terrorist!" this worthless mother decided to repeatedly kick and stamp on him, after others had punched him. The two blokes had paved the way, and Lowe joined in.
Despite the trio having 21 previous convictions between them, they were not jailed. Lowe was given leniency because she is pregnant, as it would be unfair on her children to jail her. In turn, with Lowe being allowed to walk, the judge (aka useless twat) decided that it would be unfair to jail the other two. So, all three got 12-month suspended sentences. The two kids (and the one that will arrive in due course) will be consigned to fucked-up lives, what with having a mother like Amanda Lowe.
The judge (Lindsey Kushner) did manage some outrage after stating that Lowe was "disgraceful for being drunk in charge of children" and adding by way of a question, "How irresponsible can you get?" Wll, luv, a damn sight less irresponisble than a fucking judge who decides to allow a racist attack by a drunken thug to go unpunished, and for the children to be allowed the harmful effects of input by a mother whose talent are for cage fighing rather than child rearing! The real guilt here lies with the system, and the cunting useless sentencing by judges who haven't a fucking clue.
...
Despite the trio having 21 previous convictions between them, they were not jailed. Lowe was given leniency because she is pregnant, as it would be unfair on her children to jail her. In turn, with Lowe being allowed to walk, the judge (aka useless twat) decided that it would be unfair to jail the other two. So, all three got 12-month suspended sentences. The two kids (and the one that will arrive in due course) will be consigned to fucked-up lives, what with having a mother like Amanda Lowe.
The judge (Lindsey Kushner) did manage some outrage after stating that Lowe was "disgraceful for being drunk in charge of children" and adding by way of a question, "How irresponsible can you get?" Wll, luv, a damn sight less irresponisble than a fucking judge who decides to allow a racist attack by a drunken thug to go unpunished, and for the children to be allowed the harmful effects of input by a mother whose talent are for cage fighing rather than child rearing! The real guilt here lies with the system, and the cunting useless sentencing by judges who haven't a fucking clue.
...
1.11.12 Amy Winehouse
Far be it from me to be critical of the phenomenon that is the 'Amy Winehouse crusade' (whereby we all continually refer to her as 'tragic' and show reverence to someone who - separate from having talent - managed to act strangely and associate with weirdness full stop) but the reports in today's papers confirm what I think is rather misplaced awe for a singer who couldn't cope with her success.
It appears that two dresses, which were due to be auctioned for charity, have gone missing. The newspaper report states that the two items were "worth £130,000". Sorry, but NO !!!
Whether some idiot might have been prepared to hand over £130k for two small dresses is one thing (and I suppose there's a suitable idiot somewhere around) but to report that they are "worth £130k" is a travesty. They are together worth about two hundred quid. Just because she got married to "junkie Blake Fielder-Civil" [not my description, but as noted in The Sun] in one of them, it does not somehow make it a valuable item - £100k's worth! The other one was worn when she appeared on Jools Holland's TV programme; clearly a £30,000 price tag is mad!
So, in no way condoning theft at all, I am commenting that the use of the word "worth" is completely wrong in all respect.
...
It appears that two dresses, which were due to be auctioned for charity, have gone missing. The newspaper report states that the two items were "worth £130,000". Sorry, but NO !!!
Whether some idiot might have been prepared to hand over £130k for two small dresses is one thing (and I suppose there's a suitable idiot somewhere around) but to report that they are "worth £130k" is a travesty. They are together worth about two hundred quid. Just because she got married to "junkie Blake Fielder-Civil" [not my description, but as noted in The Sun] in one of them, it does not somehow make it a valuable item - £100k's worth! The other one was worn when she appeared on Jools Holland's TV programme; clearly a £30,000 price tag is mad!
So, in no way condoning theft at all, I am commenting that the use of the word "worth" is completely wrong in all respect.
...
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