Congratulations to Ian Williams, one of the many reporters on Final Score, charged with giving us news on a football game. Today's programme was hosted by the slightly annoying Eilidh Barbour. I say "congratulations" because Ian scored zero on the Shriek-O-Meter. He was willing and able to divulge his observations in a normal voice, without any hint of a fucking shriek.
Ian Williams was the clear winner, with his 'zero' on the scale, maintained over more than a single report. A similar score was achieved by another 'Williams', namely Mike Williams, who also managed to remain normal during his one delivery. There were, however, some other commendable performances.
Level 1
Kenny Crawford, Peter Slater, Chris Wise, Adrian Cottier, Hamish Marshall
Level 2
Joe Shennan, Ivan Gaskell
Level 3
Laurence Herdman, Sue Smith
Level 4
Mark Scott, Adam Whitty
But soaring above all of these were two real shriekers, vying for top spot. The ludicrously loud Naz was determined to kill my ears.
Level 9
Naz Premji
But he could not claim top spot. No, this was captured with absolute certainty by Robyn Cowen.
Yes, her horrendous, nasal, grating tirade was by far and away the most offensive reporting style of the day (and week, year, decade). The pitch and loudness of her input is what the Shriek-O-Meter was made for. She scored a perfect TEN.
...
"It's a world of opinions", my master used to say, and in quoting it I often add my own corollary: "... and everyone is entitled to one, no matter how senseless..." Personally, I find Robyn's voice strangely attractive, even whilst acknowledging its penetrating quality. She has to make herself heard, after all, against the background roar and babble of the football ground behind. She is clearly excitable -- and enthusiastic too -- and although I myself adore quietness in its place, I cannot but be charmed by her youthful exuberance
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