Tuesday 21 July 2015

21.7.15 Twelve Curses of the Century




1 The Selfie

This is without doubt the worst phenomenon with which we are beset.  It's bad enough that billions of photos are now taken every year, let alone posted on every fucking forum or platform that'll take them.  How much worse is the situation, now that cunts everywhere can flood the world with extra data, 99.9% of which is gratuitous bollocks and a waste of time for everyone on the planet - even the self-obsessed idiots who relentlessly and pointlessly persist in making themselves the star of their own individual lives.  Sadly they try, with almost equal determination, to spread the shit to anyone who knows them, as well as every sitting duck who doesn't - and doesn't want to!


2 Award Winning

There are simply far too many 'awards' doled out to individuals, collectives, companies, services and organisations, as well as products.  The result is that every third cunt in a list of any of the aforementioned is able to be referred to as "award winning".  Having something or someone touted to me with "award winning" mentioned is NOT in any way doing anything to endear me to them/it, and in fact, if something is thus described, I am more inclined to be put off. There is only one thing worse than the stupidly obsessive use of this term, and that it the complete failure to relay what the cunting award was for!  If I can supposed to choose an "award winning" bubble gum to chew on and blow up, I'd like to know which supposed accolade the stuff was judged to have been worthy of!


3 So

The nightmarish adoption by cunts everywhere of starting any utterance with the word "so".  For some reason, this pompous, approach gives speakers a derogatory tone as they talk shit.  I feel patronised by these twats who seem to believe this is proper English, and proper use of the word.  I have news for them.  They are deluded cunts, ruining the language, and trying to sound superior.


4 Scratchy Labels

For some inexplicable reason, the manufacturers of clothes seem hell bent on scratching my cunting neck, and occasionally the small of my back.  I know this because why else would the fuckers insist on making sure labels are positioned to be most inconvenient, and made of material that, however soft the garment itself might be, is akin to a cunting scouring pad?  Further grief is afforded the unlucky purchaser, when removal of a label (even with the smallest sewing scissors) brings with it the high risk of the garment being irreparably damaged as stitches are cut and/or unpicked.  Once I have bought a fucking shirt, jumper or pair of shorts, I do NOT need to be eternally reminded of the size!  Detachable labels are the answer.


5 Cheeky

Use of this word to describe an activity is pathetic.  A "cheeky" cigarette, or beer or Nandos is silly.  Nothing cunting cheeky about it at all - more abuse of the English language.


6 Uber

Further abuse now comes from the import of a German word to try and reinforce a speaker's intent and/or the intensity of the message being given. Adjectives and adverbs apparently now require reinforcement through use of the prefix "Uber", as if saying this outweighs the effect that a superfluous "super" would have.  Pretentious cuntism.


7 H

I refer not to Hydrogen, but the letter itself, the eighth letter in the alphabet, spelled AITCH.  There is of course NO cuntin "H" at the beginning of the word, and so it is NOT pronounced as though it has one!  Whilst I am aware that sometimes aitches are dropped in some regional accent, it is wholly unacceptable that on a non-regional basis, every seventh person seems idiotic enough to introduce an extra letter, and mispronounce this letter.


8 Vulnerable

Elsewhere, we find even more arseholes unable to pronounce a simple world that includes as its 3rd letter an "L".  Just as there are more and more vulnerable people in the world, and more and more instances where use of the word is appropriate, a greater and greater percentage of the English-speaking world decides to display its ignorance through failing to manage to say it properly, and make the third letter silent.  Strangely, they can all manage to say the name of the bone found in the arm, saying "Ulna" rather than "Una".


9 Russell Brand

There is no need, surely, for me to make any further comment.


10 Kanye West

See above / ditto.


11 Jenner / Kardashian

There is a truly awful obsession in the media where gossip (certainly not 'news') is forced our way, to swamp our lives with shit about Kardashians and Jenners.  These women - now to include Bruce - are not any sort of role models and there is sadly no real escape.


12 Tony & Sheree Blair

Surely the best examples of despicable, cuntish, self-serving, greedy and morally corrupt liars that we have?  You decide.


Other Contenders

Paul McCartney; animals in TV adverts - real or even worse, puppets, specifically Meerkats; Three-seater sofas with only two cushions; The Duke of York, his awful ex-wife and the two horrendous daughters; Sepp Blatter; Deplorable standards of English and awful grammar; Overpaid footballers; The BBC; Payday Loan companies; Channel 5; Roadworks; The 50mph speed limit in roadworks; Speed cameras; Supermarket 'offers' and pricing scams; Roundabouts with traffic lights; Twitter; Comparison websites.

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