18.2.14 Weather Forecasting, Epicentres and Slots

What is it with these weather 'presenters' who give us ungrammatical portions of shite while pointing at the map and various symbols?  I refuse to refer to them as 'forecasters' as most generally, they are simply the TV station's front (pun intended) for the information gathered by those behind the scenes.

In this last week, and on a slight tangent, I have had cause to wonder over the sponsorship of the weather on ITV.  These days, everything is sponsored, although some things are "proudly sponsored", which is just one-upmanship.

"Seven Seas Trying for a baby proudly sponsors ITV weather."

I have never come across a stranger pairing; I am struggling to understand why there's any sort of tie-in for such a product.

As for the content of these weather presentations, I despair.  Apparently the UK is covered in "slots".  They are, from time to time, filled with cloud, rain or wind, according to the brain-dead presenters.  I notice that there's never any inclusion about the sound quality or levels, which is unsurprising, as noise is not a genuine matter for inclusion in a weather forecast, although it could be of some side interest should the weather include some thunder.  Nevertheless, presenters are desperate to highlight "quieter weather" as though that means anything!

Lucy Verasamy told me yesterday about the injury to Mr Rain.

"With the rain limping its way from west to east."

What complete tosh; I was under the impression it had allegedly "barrelled in" from the Atlantic!  Some lucky people benefited from a "drier respite", another pathetic nonsensical term conjured up by the presenters.

We are still getting bouts of "winteriness" when it suits a presenter to try and get clever - and completely subjective, of course.  The real winner in the last coupe of weeks has been the word "ease", which is now linked compulsorily to winds.  Showers, too, are apparently prone to do this, based on weather quotes:

"Showers ease through tomorrow."  WTF?
"Winds easing down."  Not easing up or sideways, then?

Then of course there's been the added dimension (pun intended once again) of wind height.  I have heard of high winds, but this was always a reference to wind SPEED as it would plainly be silly to talk about the height of wind.  I thought wrong, though, because I was warned about:

"Winds up to 10 metres high."

I have no idea whether the weather report was from a confused person on a twat.

Elsewhere, on the Mail Online, I was able to learn about the consequences of the poor weather, and the flood-affected areas.  Now, I was always under the impression that "epicentre" is a term with a specific meaning, and has no place outside of its natural geological context.  It is always the point on the earth's surface directly above the point where an earthquake originates. Actually - according to the Mail - it's in Wraysbury.  Yes, the wonderful quote I read, with complete amazement, was:

"Last week, Wraysbury was the epicentre of the British flooding crisis."

This is almost certainly the most ludicrous statement I've heard so far this year, and the Mail Online should be ashamed of itself for talking complete bollocks.

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