As I dispose of my TV guide for last week and acquire a new one for the coming week, I thoughts I'd share a few observations on some of the things that jump from the pages.
Last week I noticed quite a few of the details on programmes were slightly odd; without the programme name, these details sound really odd. It's better after switching the pairings; see if you can spot them.
You've Been Framed! - Dick Strawbridge checks sheep for foot rot.
Saturday Farm - Featuring a woman using stairs as a slide.
Shipping Wars - Charity worker Wendy is concerned when a sub-Saharan parasitic bug resists treatment.
Top Tens - Jessie Pavelka helps a 30 stone man lose weight
Classic Mastermind - Roy saws a sculpture in half.
Fat: The Fight of My Life - Countdown of the world's most popular tanks based on expert opinion.
Bugs, Bites and Parasites: Tropical Diseases Uncovered - Specialist subjects include Ann Frank and The Vicar of Dibley**
** Can Mastermind get any more ludicrous. We recently had The Muppets as a 'specialised subject' and seeing an old (repeat) edition suggests there's been a longstanding problem in assessing people's knowledge. A quiz where two contestants compete on such differing subjects is fatally flawed. I reckon I could answer a fair few questions on the VOD because it's on all the fucking time.
On BBC2 last Saturday, there was a theme in a run of three programmes, all animal related, as per the following listings:
3.00 Wild China Creatures inhabiting the Yunnan Province
4.00 Urban Jungle Revealing wildlife living in London
4.30 Final Score Round-up of football results
Elsewhere, there were other listings worthy of comment:
4.30 Rachel Allen: Bake! A traditional Provencal tart. [Is she, indeed?]
9.00 Big Brother: The Final Emma Willis whittles down the remaining contestants one by one. [I would only ever have considered watching this if it was meant in the literal sense; Emma with a Bowie knife and there at last being a point to this show]
3.45 A Taste of My Life Neil Morrissey talks about his culinary life. [Wrong choice of 'c-word' there, I think]
9.00 Do No Harm Ian falls for a woman with multiple-personality disorder. [Shouldn't that be 'women' then?]
Finally, for last week, there was the amazing line-up of programmes on Saturday on the Satellite Channel, 'Animal Planet', exactly as follows. It wins The Man Who Says Cunt's "Clean Sweep of the Week Award".
12noon The Zoo (HD) 12.30 The Zoo (HD) 1.00 The Zoo (HD) 1.30 The Zoo (HD) 2.00 The Zoo (HD) 2.30 The Zoo (HD) 3.00 The Zoo (HD) 3.30 The Zoo (HD) 4.00 The Zoo (HD) 4.30 The Zoo (HD) 5.00 The Zoo (HD) 5.30 The Zoo (HD) 6.00 The Zoo (HD) 6.30 The Zoo (HD) 7.00 The Zoo (HD) 7.30 The Zoo (HD) 8.00 The Zoo (HD) 8.30 The Zoo (HD) 9.00 The Zoo (HD) 9.30 The Zoo (HD) 10.00 The Zoo 10.30 The Zoo (HD) 11.00 The Zoo (HD) 11.30 The Zoo (HD) 12midnight The Zoo (HD)
Today's new listing guide contains a few more amusements, although it's not as good as last week's. Today, as part of the three 'wildlife' programmes bundled on BBC2, the content of "Urban Jungle" seems rather tame, considering the title - "Naturalist Mike Dilger looks at newts and butterflies in Yorkshire." That doesn't really fit in with "Jungle" as fat as I'm concerned. Over on Sky Living, I thing a renaming of one programme is called for. "Best of Nothing To Declare" should perhaps be called "Fuck All To Declare".
There are a few programmes this week that are not in fact being shown on a porn channel, despite their names. I refer to:
Monsters Inside Me (Animal Planet)
Secret Eaters (Channel 4)
Wanted Down Under (BBC1)
Flog It! (BBC2)
Michaela's Wild Challenge (Channel 5)
New Tricks (BBC1)
Channel 4 has shown complete laziness with its offering on Monday, seeing the Bank Holiday as an excuse to serve up 'Ben Hur', and kill four hours and five minutes of the schedule. Still, makes a change from eight re-repeated episodes of 'Come Dine With Me'. HOWEVER, this is not as dire as ITV's pathetic airing of multiple Harry Potter dollops, to eat away at the schedules. I think the latest one is "Harry Potter and the Giblets of Stone" or maybe it's "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Nob on Fire". Whatever.
The Clean Sweep of the Week Award was closely fought for this week coming. The Good Food Channel came close, with eleven consecutive hour-long programmes called "River Cottage: Summer's Here". However, the channel spoiled the flow with "Jamie Does Venice" at 11pm and at midnight is served up "Ken Hom's Chinese". I would have guessed that about Ken, but then I realised there was another word on the next line - "Cookery". It's a similar story over on the Discovery Channel where "Off The Rails" filled the whole schedule except for an hour at 10pm when it was deemed necessary to show "Ultimate Warfare".
Joint winners for the week are two satellite channels, Animal Planet and Good Food, which have lined up, respectively:
12noon Animal Cops San Fransisco 2.00 Animal Cops San Fransisco 3.00 Animal Cops San Fransisco 4.00 Animal Cops San Fransisco 5.00 Animal Cops San Fransisco 6.00 Animal Cops San Fransisco 7.00 Animal Cops San Fransisco 8.00 Animal Cops San Fransisco 9.00 Animal Cops San Fransisco 10.00 Animal Cops San Fransisco 11.00 Animal Cops San Fransisco 12midnight Animal Cops San Fransisco. [I am not sure what the plans were at 1pm unless the noon edition was a double?]
1pm Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
2.00 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
3.00 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
4.00 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
4.30 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
5.00 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
5.30 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
6.00 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
6.30 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
7.00 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
7.30 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
8.00 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
8.30 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
9.00 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
9.30 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
10.00 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
11.00 Rick Stein's Seafood Odyssey
Well done Rick!
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