23.8.13 Asda Exchanges

Checkout Operator:  "Do you need any help with your packing?"
Actual Answer:         "No, thanks."
Correct Answer:       "If by 'help' you mean you might actually give me enough bags to contain the shopping I am purchasing, then yes, I'd like help.

Checkout Operator:  "Did you find everything you needed?
Actual Answer:         "Yes, thanks."
Correct Answer:       "Of course I didn't, you thick twat, because this Asda is a shit one with a pathetically limited range of good available, further diminished by empty fucking shelves in the same ration as holes to cheese in a slab of Emmental.  Also, you asked me the very same question three weeks ago when you last served me, and when I said 'No', you got all fucking uppity and defensive.  You asked what I couldn't find with a level of enthusiasm lower than the bar height of a limbo-dancing gerbil, and when I told you what was unavailable, you had fuck all to say.  You will recall I said that it was not really surprising because this was not a 'proper Asda', and your face-pull which followed was more impressive than a Middle Ages gargoyle.

Checkout Operator:  "Do you need more bags?"
Actual Answer:         "Yes, please."
Correct Answer:       "What do you think, you silly cunt?  You have continued to shovel food towards me after I have filled the two carrier bags available.  The three chickens, two tubs of Clover and two bottles of High Juice waiting at the end of your checkout chute are all as idle as I am, while I stand and wait. Perhaps your dual core brain (ie. both cells) might decide whether to combine to provide me with more bags.

Checkout Operator:  "I'm sorry, I haven't any five-pound notes."
Actual Answer:          [Shrug]
Correct Answer:       "Fucking typical, and I don't appreciate £9.75 in coins. Maybe I can abandon this trolley and the quid within it, reducing the change in coins to 25 pence."

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