5.6.13 This Week On TV

As ever, there is much to be bemused at in the TV guide for this week.  Odd, funny, pathetic and irritating, the programmes served up to us on television are not often up to much, and the TV listings are often a source of amusement.  I have used the weekly offering from last Saturday's Sun for my observations this time.

Springwatch - BBC2

This dire programme (and its offshoots) is a pain, as is Chris Packham's voice. The first issue I've got, though, is that as far as I am concerned, it's a but fucking late to be watching Spring when it's Summer!  I don't give a shit about the June Solstice or the Autumnal Equinox, because meteorologists agree with me that Summer is June, July and August.  Tonight is the seventh of twelve hour-long ordeals which exist because there's an obsession with watching some shit, whether it's worth watching or not.  This is forced consumption by the masses because a cunt with a camera is watching and recording something.  So, right up until the end of next week, well into June, the tits on BBC2 are watching shit, talking shit and existing in a time warp.  Why the hell don't they get busy in March, April and May?  Tomorrow's edition is apparently inclusive of a report on ash trees, and a 'live' report on the red kites.  It had better be fucking 'live' if you're supposedly watching (in summer)!  Elsewhere, grass grows, cows fart and paint dries.

Then we have Springwatch Unsprung, which sort of hints of an issue, but doesn't do it properly.  "Springwatch Unhinged" would be so much better. Plus, there's Springwatch In The Afternoon to piss people off nice and early. This is fucking Summerwatch.  Are we going to get Christmaswatch in fucking February?

Embarrassing Bodies - Channel 4

I particularly liked the info on Tuesday's programme, which includes the line: "Pixie McKenna deals with erectile dysfunction."  I rather think she doesn't! Just like Christian Jessen doesn't, Period!  Haha, get it?

History Stuff

This week there's a lot of stuff about Tudors, Elizabethan England and more recent stuff to do with D-Day and the Iraq War.  I part particularly like the TV listing for the BBC2 offering:

"The Most Dangerous Man In Tudor England Melvyn Bragg explores the story of . . . . "

With no punctuation, it relies on print boldness to differentiate and suggest Melvyn is not so much dangerous as the bloke who's presenting.  A similar issue arises when reading a Friday prigramme on BBC2:

"The Time Traveller's Guide To Elizabethan England The Rich Ian Mortimer explores the worlds of . ."


The Matt Lucas Awards - BBC1

Sunday BBC1 10.25: Compilation of the highlights from the recent series.  [But there weren't any???]

In Plain Sight - ITV

Tuesday ITV1 12.05: I'm A Liver Not A Fighter.  This name for the edition of a programme I've never seen before was one that threw me completely.  Once I had read the next bit, 'Mary helps a man who is terminally ill', then I realised more clearly that my visualisation of liver on a plate - something horrible my mum made me eat as a kid - was rather less relevant than the producers intended.

The Voice - BBC1

Quite simply bollocks, and a waste of life.

Random Comments

BBC2    3.45 Fred Dibnah's Made In Britain.  [Is he indeed!]
BBC1    2.15 Escape To The Country With Jonnie Irwin  [No thanks, I'll go on my own or find a female!]
BBC2  11.40 French Open Tennis  [Why did this make me think Open Sandwich Golf . . ?]
BBC1  11.00 Robbed, Raided, Reunited  [Is this not the tackiest, crappiest name for a programme ever?]
SKY1    9.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie  [I thought with a dropped 's', Greg Wallace could put some weight back on!]

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