Last week's television (apart from The Returned / Les Revenants, and Dates, both on Channel 4) was deplorable. Television this weak is totally unacceptable, and I'm not sure that the week ahead looks much better. Anyway, here are some observations after my perusal of last Satruday's TV Guide from the Daily Mail.
Sunday BBC1 10.00am - The Big Question
Nicky Campbell hosted, and no, the big question was not why on earth is he still presenting noisy pointless debates on TV. The details did include, though, the news that he would be in the Pyramid Arts Centre in the cultural quarter of Warrington. I was not aware that there was a "cultural" quarter!
Sunday ITV 11.45pm - The Unforgettable Russell Harty
This padding late at night was of course a repeat, and totally misnamed, because until seeing this programme, I'd completely forgotten about him.
Monday BBC2 10.00pm - What a Load of Buzzcocks
Unbelievably this counts as a new programme rather than a repeat despite the fact that it's a look back at 'highlights' from the comedy quiz in 2004. This is desperate TV, not weak TV.
Wednesday BBC1 11.30am - Cowboy Trap
"A family in Wales left with a damp-ridden conservatory." All I want to know is, either:
a) Where did they move to with it? or,
b) Who dumped it on them?
Friday BBC2 8.30pm - Gardners' World
"Monty Don undertakes summer tasks in the vegetable garden." There we have it, evidence of what is apparently the new seasonal calendar according to the BBC. On Friday 14th June, it was summer. But other fuckers on the same channel on Thursday night were engaged in "Springwatch". So, in the BBC world, Spring ended on Thursday 13th June, and Summer started on Friday 14th. All bollocks of course.
This coming week sees a slight let up the useless grammar used by journalists who have no idea what a collective noun is. Last week's TV listings included:
"The team visit estuaries." [Coast]
"The team delve into a rock pool." [Springwatch - sadly the team didn't stay there]
"The team search for an injured woman." [Highland Emergency]
"The team head to Windsor." [Dickinson's Real Deal]
"A team are pushed to breaking point." [The Removal Men]
There are fewer pogrammes this week where a reference to the team is relevant, so we've escaped some cardinal sins. However, the shite week ahead is certainly unwelcome. There are just a few comments I need to make.
Channel 5 4.00am Saturday Night / Sunday Morning
"Michaela Strachan enjoys a balloon ride in South Africa". Dies she indeed! Does she ride donkeys in Blackpool and enjoy that, I wonder.
Later, at 10am on Sunday, Nicky Campbell is back in the land of culture (Warrington) for some more banter with whomever about whatever. The guide decides to let me know that there will be "contributions from members of the audience" and I am so fucking pleased to learn about this - NOT. At 11pm on BBC2, I see that there's a repeat of the highlights of the 2004 edition of 'Never Mind The Buzzcocks' shown last week. WTF?
BBC2 10.05am Monday - Country Show Cook Off
What's with this shitting "Off" business? "Jun Tanaka and Galton Blackiston set off on a culinary road trip." "We've had 'Bake Off', now 'Cook Off' and chefs are always saying "fry off" these days. PISS OFF !!! And no, I didn't make their names up.
Generally speaking, TV is crap at the moment.
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