"Go back to hell" was a good line from Simon to David. "This year we could have topped 2009" was pathetic from Amanda. Ant & Dec asked a silly question and Simon say's that the acts have got to "want to win". This is all top quality stuff - NOT
CEO Dancers
These three basically demonstrated amazing thigh strength and qualities that could no doubt qualify them to provide 'the fuck of your life'. All very good, but that's all - this was not good enough to get a standing ovation. It was a strong dance act with no kids in it, squealing and fidgeting - so extra points for that.
TMWSC Verdict: 5.5/10
Walliams: "Fantastic. You absolutely filled the stage." What a pathetic comment / cliche.
Alesha: "That was the best show opener of the whole week. You are animalistic; I'm glad you brought the whole tribal vibe." Another dose of cack, Alesha; but yes, very African.
Amanda: "The best ass action since J-Lo this week. Amazing." That's not saying much because J-Lo was shit.
Cowell: "The best dance act this series." Suppose so.
Fuck off with all this "show opening" bollocks.
Aliki Chrysochou
The fucking story is actually better than her singing. I resent being fed stuff (sad as it was, and testing as it was) as a basis for me now liking her singing! Nana Mouskouri for the 21st Century got a standing ovation.
TMWSC Verdict: 8/10
Walliams: "You are an angel." Yawn.
Alesha: "You're an angel; amazing, and you're story is amazing." Yawn.
Amanda: "You're story is wonderful." Yawn.
Cowell: "You are stunning, beautiful, humble, a bit like me. With Katharine Jenkins taking a big dip at the moment, maybe your time has come." Twist the knife, Simon, though I commend you for doing so.
She sang particularly well, and is a strong contender. I just wish we could all escape the shit about her 'story' and stick to commenting on and judging her performance as it is.
The Glambassadors
This is simply OTT shit. Prancing cunts. Can't wait for it to finish.
TMWSC Verdict: 3/10
Walliams: "You're great entertainers." Blind or a liar?
Alesha: "Amazing." Yawn.
Amanda: "That was absolutely glamtastic." Like fuck was it!
Cowell: "It was so much better than the first audition." That says nothing at all.
A disaster and a half! Do people feel obliged to cheer anything that's gay, whether it's talent or shite? They danced in time, so can have three points.
Steve Hewlett
Arthur Lager, very funny. He was especially funny at the expense of Amanda Holden with the jokes, and the Cowell dummy will get him votes as well.
TMWSC Verdict: 9/10
Walliams: "It's rare when the dummy's taller than the real person" - ref Simon! Good comment, David.
Alesha: "I love you and Arthur; the material was great."
Amanda: "Amazing."
Cowell: "Congratulations."
Working hard since he was twelve years old, this chap has certainly put the effort in, which showed in this performance.
Rob's Duelling Pianos
This was utter shit last time and I am expecting nothing less or more this time. Tame, lame shit. Simon managed 30 seconds before buzzing, whereas I buzzed after three seconds! Alesha (the silly biddie who was one of the three judges putting them through!!!) buzzed as well, without having the right to do so!
TMWSC Verdict: 0.5/10
Walliams: "You moved it on. It was fantastic, fun and a bit bonkers." Yep, mad as hell.
Alesha: "I didn't think the playing was that good. It didn't feel like an entertainment piece." That's because it fucking wasn't, Amanda, so why did you put him through?
Amanda: "I found it very entertaining, You've reinvented the organ." Liar, and no he didn't.
Cowell: "I kind of know now why Craig didn't turn up."
Complete overuse of the word 'brave' by all the judges, plus Dec! His partner decided to retire from the show (for good reason) and so 'Duelling" is totally inaccurate. Waste of space.
Maarty Broekman
A mad, mad, mad bloke who was actually quite funny and peculiar in the audition, with his fixation on the 80s. He was (and probably will be again) so bad. Will it be bad enough to be 'good' though? NO. I came to this conclusion at the exact same time that Simon buzzed. His comedic qualities get him 2pts.
TMWSC Verdict: 2.5/10
Walliams: "I loved it. You're fun, you're sexy."
Alesha: "I genuinely don't know what to say. Thanks for the most barking performance of the week.
Amanda: "It was entertaining."
Cowell: "What the bloody hell was that? Everything was out of tune. You hit all the wrong notes."
He was genuinely bewildered by the whole occasion and the comments from the judges. He remains completely mad, and the oddest performance included in tonight's show. There is no real talent on display at all, but he's odd enough to pique interest and chuckle along. It would be so sad though if the public vote rewarded madness ahead of talent.
Incognito
O Happy Days - WTF? I do NOT want to hear about Jesus in a fucking BGT 'entertainment' show. So wrong, and the wailing women did my fucking head in. Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks.
TMWSC Verdict: 2.5/10
Walliams: "I'm high on the Lord. I'd like to book you for me and Simon's wedding. There's nothing smutty about two men in love."
Alesha: "You brought the soul to BGT; that was fantastic." Bollocks.
Amanda: "That was another biblical performance. It was joyful and uplifting." Bollocks.
Cowell: "You make we want to be nice. I'm converted." This was followed by "Hallelujah" from Dec!
This was shit, and it seems that as per The Glambassadors, there's some sort of weird obligation to applaud and commend them, because in this case they are religious rather than gay. Fucking warped.
Jordan O'Keefe
This bloke has a slightly affected voice, but will surely be rewarded for his talent and simple approach. He is singing okay, but I think people do need to be careful of not messing around too much with songs in an effort to 'make it their own' because mispronouncing works is not helpful. He stayed the right side of the line and so will be worthy of a good score.
TMWSC Verdict: 8.5/10
Walliams: "We got real fatigue seeing so many people with guitars, but that could be a hit record.
Alesha: "That gave me chills; fantastic."
Amanda: "I loved the simplicity; it was stripped back." Thanks for the cliche.
Cowell: "This could get you into the final."
He's a nice chap and will do well.
Attraction
Unbelievable - fucking excellent.
TMWSC Verdict: 10/10
Walliams: "Quite simply one of the most beautiful things we've ever seen."
Alesha: "Game over."
Amanda: "Remarkable; you've turned us into a complete mess."
Cowell: "I was blown away by that."
Brilliant.
RESULT
Very sadly, for 'variety, and because Simon is rather biased towards singers, while being anti-ventriloquist, we ended up with yet another singer in the final while the funny comedian/ventriloquist missed out. Sorry, but a rather boring (if nice) chap in the final, warbling something-or-other is not going to change anything in my lifetime.
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