The 'Leveller' was the name of the show, or the theme, and was supposed to challenge the individuals to perform some real skating without the support of their partners. I would have said that thirty seconds of skating was hardly too much to expect after a good few weeks of DOI, and of course the twelve weeks head start they get before programmes commence. For some, though, the task was rather too much.
Ashley talked shit after Samia's stilted and rather feeble performance, mentioning "sassiness" as usual - this time the absence of it. Jason managed to use the work "remedial" in his description. The 18 points Samia gained were rather fewer than her previous efforts have received.
Keith, according to Tony Gubba, managed to offer us in his routine some "Dicing, slicing, tango steps" and he scored 21 points. Tony Gubba was the only one of form tonight, and amused me with his description of Shayne Ward: "Shayne - who never looks like a man in a hurry." I thought it was the judges who were supposed to comment on 'speed over the ice' and 'flow'.
The round-up by Tony drew our attention to a "rippling dip" and a "thread the needle cartwheel", before 23.5 points were awarded to Shayne - along with Ashley's useless input that involved the word "sassiness" and that this was one of his best performances. Considering it was only his fourth one, that was say very little indeed, something Ashley is actually good at.
Gubba told us all that Matt was "like a giant crow in those oily black feathers" and I wondered which tanker had run aground on the south coast. Then I dismissed that as the source of oil in his feathers, and decided it must have been Gubba getting carried away with his weird comments. Matt scored 28 points to go into the lead, and continue the trend for beating the score of the person before.
Then Luke got 23.5, although to be fair, he was slightly better this week than his poor efforts to date. Gareth gave us a "splayed pencil lift" (Gubba again) to get 27.5 points. Then along came Beth, and she managed to go top with 30.5 points and a good display. The it was time for the farce to commence.
Joe Pasquale seems to be like the lead actor in a film, and survive whatever comes his way, and whatever he does. His dancing and skating were more basic than the 8p noodles in Asda. It was laughable, and noted as such by the judges.
Gubba: "It's not has he lost it, it's did he ever have it?"
Karen: "I worked with Joe all week and half of that routine I didn't even recognise."
Jason: "An egg on tooth pics."
So, with a leader board that was:
Beth 30.5
Matt 28.0
Gareth 27.5
Shayne 23.5
Luke 23.5
Keith 21.0
Samia 18.0
Joe 18.0
you'd expect a skate-off between Samia and Joe. However, this was prior to the public vote, so it was of course going to lead to an upset. Let's suppose that Samia got loads of votes because viewers of Coronation Street decided to call and waste money. Let's also assume that Joe's antics would encourage old dears to vote. On that basis, a dance-off between Keith and maybe Luke would have been no great surprise. However, the skate-off was in the end between Matt and Shayne. Fucking silly. Until Joe fucks off, this programme is bolloxed!
Shayne went home, everyone looked shocked, and neither Joe nor Samia did the honourable thing and volunteered to piss off in lieu of a skate-off.
Karen was in tears, Bleakley looked bleak, Matt was crying, Brianne was tearful, Shayne was devastated, Samia looked like she was posing for a artist painting Edvard Munch's 'The Scream'. Torvill & Dean said all the right things - a bit like Louis Walsh who thinks everyone deserves to go through and then realises that there's no one left who has to be ejected.
Wonderfully farcical !!!
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