Ashley: "Each week you're growing, you're evolving." Thanks, Ashley. Good Job.
Joe - Tiptoe Through the Tulips. Hmmm . . odd choice of song. Basic as hell on the ice, as ever.
Ashley: "I tiptoed over some two-lips with you." [pronounced in the American way] Thank's a bunch, Ashley.
Matt - Okay, but confidence has slipped a bit. Tony Gubba helped us by pointing out the inclusion by Matt and Brianne of a "Sleeping in my bed lift with rotation".
Ashley: "I still think you had fun out there." Thanks, Ashley; try not to think, though.
Maria - she got hoiked around the ice as usual, and managed to skate about as much as a puck does when it's hit across the ice by a hockey stick. Apparently, so Gubba said, there was a 'Floating Bodyguard Lift' in there somewhere.
Ashley: "I could tell you feel more confident with Sylvain. There were moments when I felt a little bit of separation." Thanks, Ashley, but whether you manage to keep your legs together under the table, or they creep apart, I'd rather not know.
Luke - Gubba made me laugh: "The pair of them are as vivid as a pair of budgies." Then he drew attention to a "Tinkerbell Lift". The skating was okay.
Ashley: "I liked the energy tonight. You look like you're having fun out there." Thanks, Ashley; top notch judging as always!
Keith - he was okay, and as enthusiastic as ever. Gubba told us he included an "It's all about you" lift.
Ashley: "Your smile lights up a room." Thanks, Ashley; wonderful "critique", as you like to call it.
Beth - she did a "Leg Whirlybird", said Gubba. Pretty good.
Ashley: "I wanted to see that fire and attack." Thanks for nothing, Ashley. This and you're other gibberish marked you out as a tit.
The Results & Skate Off
In no particular order (other than the one the producers choose, to build up anticipation) - safe were: Gareth (deserved)
Samia (not half as surprised as me, luv)
Beth (deserved)
Matt (deserved)
Luke (deserved)
So, Joe versus Keith. Barring fuck-ups, Joe was at last sure to go. Sadly Bleakley couldn't be the one to get the elbow. Joe moved around the rink to a Gibb song and proved to everyone that whilst he's a nice chap (rather than an ice chap) he had no right to get this far at all. Keith smiled his way round, and unless he'd belly-flopped and impersonated a seal or walrus, then he couldn't have lost.
Let's hope there are not as many Coronation Street viewers watching next week, so that Samia isn't protected from her inability to skate and in fact her complete resistance to skating unaided.
Bleakley can hang the dress curtain back up, and put some proper clothes on until next Sunday.
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