Why the fucking fuck is Kelly Brook yet again on the front page of The Sun and then taking up nearly a whole page inside? This woman does NOTHING at all except wear expensive big pants and big bras. Baffling!
Weight Watchers
I see the numerous adverts for Weight Watchers along with the caption: "Weight Watchers doesn't just work, it works for life." Sure, I accept that if you watch your weight and follow the Weight Watchers watching process, you'll likely find that it works. That's not saying much though. That's like saying you won't die as long as you stay alive. The advert featuring Patsy Kensit looks rather odd; surely I can't be the only person who thinks this is the case? The endorsement comes from a photo and the one-liner, "Actress, lost over a stone in 17 weeks. Sorry luv; separate from that level of loss being unremarkable for 17 weeks of effort, I think what's more noticeable is that you've also lost your looks.
Hacking
I read that there have been settlements agreed by many of the 'celebrities' who sought compensation for the phone hacking palaver. I wonder if the Duchess of York (or Sarah Ferguson, to use her proper name and not prolong the point association with royalty that she clings to) or the equally annoying Kerry Katona are going to pass on their 'winnings' to the numerous creditors they have. No, like you, I think that's rather unlikely.
Kimberley
Ms Walsh can't seem to do much wrong these days. What with being the winner of Strictly Come Dancing, part of the successful Girls Aloud, and adept at a bit of acting, one might suppose she's got it made. I confess that she seems to be generally quite nice - except for the relentless and overpowering smile (kept in place with obsessive use of the tongue to clean her teeth). I find the painted-on smile rather false and off-putting.
Police Horse
It seems that a man has been jailed for feeding a sausage roll to a police horse. Now, of all the crimes committed these days, I'd suggest that this one was rather less serious than most. Seven days in jail for 'breaching the peace' is a pathetic outcome. Whether the idiot offered the sausage roll to the horse (as claimed by the mounted cops) or the horse snatched it (as claimed by Francis Kelly) it is ludicrous that the court's time was wasted, and that the taxpayer is now paying to look after Mr Kelly for a week on top of the money spent on the prosecution. The small few inches of column space devoted to this'story' was watched with an equal allocation for something rather less trivial - as follows:
Circumcision
Elsewhere in the paper was the update on a woman who carried out a botched home circumcision on a baby went wrong. A "dangerous traditional Nigerian procedure" was used, and it led to the unfortunately named Goodluck bleeding to death and managing to live just four weeks. Why the fuck neither Grace Aledelye nor the mother sought no fucking emergency help is disgusting. So, a suspended jail term for negligence was the outcome. Negligence?!?! Cunting illegality! These extremes highlight how fucked up this country is - jail for feeding a sausage roll to a horse (while the country is panicking about horses being fed to people) and killing a baby is deemed a lesser matter..
Wreck It Ralph
This seems to be an animated film that I will avoid completely. The efforts of Sarah Silverman to promote it on Graham Norton's TV show on Friday were pathetic, and she was totally nauseating. The only reason this film might qualify for one star is through it being animated, and so the 'stars' are only giving their voice overs. Silverman's character is awful on the ear. Not that I would ever choose to suffer Jonathan Ross unnecessarily at any time, the TV Guide's note that one of the guests on his Saturday show was to be John C Reilly [no, me neither] was accompanied by the explanatory note that he provides the voice for the lead character in the same film. So, there you have it; both the BBC and ITV main chat shows have prostituted themselves to allow an attack on our senses by Walt Disney and its needless animations. Fuck It Ralph.
On a slight tangent, this film was previewed in the paper last week, and I was informed that it contains "Mild Violence" of all things. Can anyone tell me what the fuck this means? Is this the most blatant oxymoron ever? I am struggled to create a more silly pair of words to act as a descriptive term - although "Partial Death" sounds as though it could vie for top spot.
Stable/Staple Diet
It seems we are now entrenched in horse jokes, and the inquiry goes under the title of Hoofdunnit? according to one paper. Horse is not my staple diet, although I can't be 100% sure - just like those who've been buying 100% Aberdeen Angus Burgers have been let down both on the content of their burgers as well as the numerical assertions of the manufacturers. Unfortunately it has counted for nothing that some have spent more money on perceived higher quality products, but have fallen victim to mislabelling in the same way as those who bought cheap burgers which go by the names of "Everyday", "Smart Price", "Value" and "Pot Luck". Actually, I made the last one up, but all of them are really different ways of marketing sludge, additives, reclaimed stuff and 'meat', a term that is allowed to be used to describe anything from an animal. The irony is that the horse meat is likely to be far better for the eater than munching on what would have been in the burger if the horse was still galloping in the Light Brigade.
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Kimberly Walsh didn't win SCD which is a shame...
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