Sock-gate
The forced room clearance (I won't go into the background of this) some weeks ago meant progress in our quest to explain the missing socks. The 'Bermuda Triangle' effect had been frustrating for so long, and Junior was of course the suspect - and the culprit. The recovered socks from Junior's bedroom raised a number of questions.
1 - Considering I have only ever seen him buy one mutipack of socks, where the hell does he think they are supposed to come from?
Junior is clearly a wearer-of-socks, but is most certainly NOT a buyer-of-socks. Yes, there are the occasional presentations to him, whether linked to an occasion or simply out of generosity. It still defies logic that he thinks his pool of socks is so large.
2 - How is it that the eighty-two socks in the box form a collection that is from multiple sources, and that there are many more pairs involved than the mathematical 41 that ought to make up the total?
I suspect that there are over fifty different socks involved. 50 would mean 50 original pairs have dwindled to 32 complete pairs and there are 18 orphans. This is a guess, though, and I've no intention of undertaking an audit!
3 - Why does Junior think it's okay to steal his younger brother's socks? NOTE: The answer is not, never was and never can be: Because he couldn't get hold of any more of mine!
Junior Junior's own supply of socks is basically used as a source for Junior's addiction (WOPS) and until he kicks this habit, JJ's socks are being monitored closely. It's true that some of the socks were once JJ's, and that after 'contamination', they were left with Junior because it would be intolerable to expect JJ to wear them afterwards. However, that seems to have given Junior the impression that he can add extra JJ socks to his collection at will.
4 - If a box of 82 socks can sit on the landing not attended to for over a month, what the fuck is Junior wearing now?
He clearly has a supply that has satisfied his further need of socks over a 30-35 day period! I have not seen him buy any, or receive any from kindly benefactors - so where are they coming from? He must have a further 70 and counting! If not, he must be re-wearing them, or be secretly washing a smaller number to keep going. But why, then, would he not wash the 82 in the box, as prompted to by me on more than one occasion?
Confronting the problem
I emptied the large whicker laundry basket earlier this week, and found at the bottom of it, three black socks. Two matched, and were once upon a time mine. They were then (after being illicitly worn by Junior) begrudgingly surrendered to him. The transfer of ownership was accompanied by a directive from me that in relinquishing any claim to the socks of this particular pattern, I was expecting co-operation through his "leaving-the-fuck-alone" of those socks of a different design, and I set out the groups that were out of bounds / out of feet. The other black sock was instantly recognisable as mine - and one of the designs supposedly still within my ownership. The reason for there being no possible mistake or possible contention was the embroidered pattern and writing - which said "Dad". Yes, these were socks that were presented to me just over a year ago, for Father's Day. Here I now was, looking at one of my socks in a ball, at the bottom of the basket, clearly the worse for wear - pun fucking intended! It was mullered. I did not actually want to touch it, let alone unfurl it or transport it to a washing machine. I would not in any event want to wear it again, and submit myself to the psychological damage that would accompany the further association with what was once a respectable and hygienic sock.
Later on, I raised the subject with Junior. "How the fuck do you decide it's all right for you to wear a sock that you bought for me, and that had the word "Dad" written on it? You had to know that it wasn't yours when you put it on, and that it should not have been going on to your foot! I sounded incredulous, as you'd probably expect. Junior was unphased, and whilst he was not actually moving, what with us standing in the kitchen, he took it in his stride. The mild smirk/grin revealed he was bang-to-rights. "It had "Dad" on it, for fuck's sake! That should have stopped you!"
Junior remained unphased, and said: "So!? Having "Dad" on it doesn't matter. A sock is not foot-specific." Foot-specific !!!!!!! Arghhhh !!!!!
I have forty-eight intact pairs of socks which are definitely (still) mine. I know this because I have just counted them; 43 in the drawer, one pair on my feet, and four 'in the wash'. One might argue that this is excessive, but considering the Schindler's List that's clearly in play, I'll expect heavy losses in the coming weeks and months. JJ's supply is under greater threat. I have found seven orphans, and there are just nine pairs in play. I have a conundrum now - how do I top up JJ's supply without inviting a dawn raid by Junior?
[ Note: WOPS = Wears Other People's Socks ]
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