Monday, 13 August 2012

13.8.12 Olympic Commentary Gold

There has been so much rubbish talked by pundits and commentators in the last two and a half weeks that I cannot begin to claim the details below represent more than a tenth of what ought to be relayed to you.  Nevertheless, and "in no particular order" as they say, here are some of the things we've heard.

1  -  "Every detail is not left unturned."  [Mark Cavendish]
2  -  "She's only eighteen years of old."  [Canoeing commentator]
3  -  "Part of a 3-man team; two men and one woman representing Canada."  [Boxing commentator]
4  -  "It was my ambition to come away with at least one podium."  [Victoria Pendleton admitting a theft habit]
5  -  "There's cross-pollination in the coaching squad."  [Hugh Porter]
6  -  "It ended up much more closer than it came out in the end."  [Denise Lewis]
7  -  "He is possessed with great talent."  [Athletics commentator]
8  -  "Sometimes the best 1500m runner doesn't able to win a tactical race."  [Brendan Foster]
9  -  "Victories always hurt more when you lose."  [Mark Foster]
10 - "He always throws his bike at the line in a wheelie style of finish."  [Cycling commentator]
11 - "He suffered so much of injuries."  [Colin Jackson]
12 - "Shane Archbold is going to do a lone time trial on his own."  [Hugh Porter]
13 - "He gave himself a little margin of error, wasn't it."  [Barry Davies]
14 - "She can smell a silver medal here at Hadleigh Farm."  [Ed Leigh]
15 - "Both the French riders went down in practice."  [Ed Leigh]
16 - "We can just see her start to crest now."  [Ed Leigh]
17 - "We've got a little game of mountain bike musical chairs going on."  [Ed Leigh]
18 - "They're constantly changing direction all the time."  [Chris Boardman]
19 - "This course is so quick and fast."  [Chris Boardman]
20 - "They've broken the world record in the last 6 races they've taken place in."  [Hugh Porter]
21 - "His points tally mean he will not be caught."  [Sailing commentator]
22 - "It's the last night of swimming in the pool."  [Gary Lineker]
23 - "Cycling have got just 14 events."  [Jake Humphrey]
24 - "The distance between the hurdles are further apart."  [Colin Jackson]
25 - "Her coach knows exactly what he is doing."  [Athletics commentator]
26 - "They took it gracefully."  [Daley Thompson, meaning 'graciously']
27 - "This won't tickle if he gets it wrong."  [Diving commentator]
28 - "It was a huge quantum leap."  [As opposed to a small one?  John Inverdale]
29 - "Luke will use those counter-punching ability he's got."  [Boxing commentator]
30 - "With the British providing the book ends of the podium, with 1st and 3rd place at the moment."  [Cycling commentator]
31 - "He's there because he's won the most number of gold medals."  [Jake Humphrey]
32 - "It's 4.1 on the Richter Scale when it comes to diving."  [Diving commentator]
33 - "We haven't really started the competition yet.  That was the hors d'oeuvres - now for the four course meal."  [Diving commentator]
34 - "If she'd gone the other way, it would have been a good penalty."  [Lucy Ward]
35 - "That was a metronomic performance from her."  [Chris Boardman]
36 - "There are certain performances that are forever etched in your mind forever."  [Denise Lewis]

Poor Grammar Section

a)  - "It has been an awful long time."
b)  - "There's less turns on the front."
c)  - "They conquered the competition in an absolute riveting contest."
d)  - "There's only one team so far who's inside that time."
e)  - "These I feel are the team that will take the lead."
f)   - "Men's basketball now, and GB face Spain."
g)  - "GB's hockey team have made a good start."
h)  - "Each of these moves have their own value."
i)   - "His personal fan club are giving him some support."
j)   - "Botswana have never won an Olympic medal."

There were so, so many fuck-ups that it was impossible to note them, but based on what I've seen, the above is representative of things.

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