Friday, 24 January 2020

24.1.20 Tulips From The Co-op

Arriving home to minimal beer supplies, I was gently ushered in the direction of the Co-op by Mrs MWSC.  I was suitably equipped and empowered with her debit card, and so with her blessing (and pending thirst) I toddled off.

In the Co-op, I was forced to pick up a box containing ten cans of Fosters, along with the Brioche which had been requested by Junior.  At the tills, one was operational and the attendant was attending to a customer, so I waited in a line of ..... me.  Yes, I was not going to be kept long - but long enough to espy some flowers that were in a small bucket on the till that was not in use.  Of some mild interest and attraction were the orange stickers used to denote a price reduction.  I leaned to the right, and set about establishing the price of each of the two bunches on offer, loitering in the aforementioned container.  One was a fairly bulky gathering of flora, and I clocked the £1.65 price, substantially less than the original £6.00.  But they looked like they were already toying with the idea of dying soon.  Plus, £1.65 was out of my range of interest.  The other bunch posed more of a conundrum.




The interest level was mildly enhanced by the price tag - 65p rather than an original £3.50.  The temptation was immense.  However, it was not immense enough to reach purchasing status.  Delightful as the 5 or 6 buds were, in their plastic wrapper, I was in two minds.  Mrs MWSC has received flowers from me on perhaps a handful of occasions - ever.  These little closed buds were sweet if not numerous.  I struggled internally, and held out.  I decided that it would in fact be a poor show to buy discounted flowers, and as the till became free, I moved forward to complete my purchase.

In the kitchen, I took two items from the carrier bag, and relayed to Mrs MWSC my very recent experience, encounter with tulips, and conundrum regarding the possible purchase.

"I decided that I would actually save a further 65p and not buy them at all," said I to Mrs MWSC.

This led to an unusual state of affairs.  A perception of romanticism on my part by Mrs MWSC, mixed with acknowledgement of pragmatism as a result of my reticence to part with 65p and the derived contribution to joint finances at this 65p level.  Her chuckles were themselves rewarding, and I felt I'd done well, even though I was reminiscing and considered that I really ought to have bought them.  We embraced, and agreed that it was the thought that counted, and we were 65p better off, while having enjoyed the benefit of tulips without their actual arrival at the house.

Mrs MWSC then pointed out that should I have bought the tulips, it would in fact have been herself who would have parted with the paltry 65p, as I was carrying her debit card!  So it turned out that she did not buy for herself a small bunch of lovely pink tulips, and would not be locating a vase on the window sill.  I was content in the knowledge that I'd done well.  I had come close to buying the flowers, which was itself a nice gesture.  I had then enhanced the overall outcome buy saving an extra 65p.

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Saturday, 18 January 2020

18.1.20 Cuntish Driver Of The Day

A19, two lanes to continue, and one lane to filter off to the left - which I move into well ahead of the actual point of leaving the A19.  I am travelling at 70mph, and behind me there is considerable space before any following cars,  I am surprised by a black car that has zoomed from nowhere, and has decided to force its way in front of me.  I either have to crash into it, or slow to allow access to the lane at the last minute

S30 FYA

Complete cuntishness and danger

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Sunday, 12 January 2020

12.1.20 TV Lowlights of the Week

This is hardly going to be a riveting read, but what the fuck.  The frustrations of assessing the TV Guide bring out the cunt in me, as I wonder how on earth the main channels think they can get away with serving up such utter shit, and flooding the schedules with repeats as well.  Anyway, there's always Netflicks of a DVD.  Here's a quick look at the week.


Saturday 11th

There was not much on yesterday, but I did manage to pluck out some notable entries in my TV Guide.  I'll ignore all the cooking-based shit, and just note a few low-lights for you.

2:00pm BBC1 - Garden Rescue  Two ex-servicemen's backyards.....
I stopped reading after that.

6:30pm BBC2 - Nature's Biggest Beasts  No, there's no mention at all of Gemma Collins, and instead the information is How Komodo dragons and giraffes overcome the challenge of their size.

8:30pm ITV - The Voice  This is the show where over the course of an hour and a half, less intro, adverts, recaps, padding and competition announcements, about six entrants are nudged on stage so that we can all watch the pathetic angst of four nobs who might or might not turn around.  The ratio of singing to other stuff is appalling, and The Voice should be renamed The Shananigans of the Judges.

10:00pm ITV - Shopping With Keith Lemon  Has there ever been a worse concept for a television programme, or an edition with such poor content?  The person who pitched this to ITV is a wanker, whilst ITV is a wanker-of-an-entity for accepting it.  The guide told me: Keith goes rug shopping with antiques legend David Dickinson and visits an Asian supermarket with singer-songwriter Lily Allen, while also talking about their respective lives and careers.  I am sure you don't need me to highlight the numerous flaws in the whole thing, aside from references to a rug, and Lily Allen.  Just pathetic all round, and deserving of a WTCF?

Sunday 12th

Today, I plan to watch paint dry, and possibly devote an hour or two to watching bread exposed to air, gently curl on the kitchen side, in preference to anything on the TV.

6:00pm ITV - Dancing On Ice  Does anyone give a fuck about who can and who cannot skate?  Apparently another six famous faces make their debut on the ice.  Hopefully their bodies, especially the legs, accompany them, and I am forced to ignore the singular of debuts in the guide's waffle about the tired programme.  But then I see another grammatical howler: The full line-up of celebrities are Ben Hanlin, Caprice, Joe Swash etc.  The line-up areWTCF?

6:45pm C4 - The Great Pottery Throw Down  The 17th pointless programme with "Great" in the title, and a whittling down of contestants over far too many weeks.  There are ten fucking programmes in this potty show.

9:00pm BBC1 - The Trial Of Christine Keeler  There has been a perfectly good film made about the Profumo affair, called Scandal, devoting 115 minutes of any viewer's life to the events of 1963.  I suggest that the only 'Trial' here is the gruelling six hours over six weeks that the viewer will need to invest to be updated on things, not that anything has changed of course.  Today there's the chance to see the 4th hour.

Monday 13th

11:45am BBC1 - Caught Red Handed  Two thieves who stole a tortoise from a zoo.  A delightful thirty minutes of 'entertainment', not!

9:00pm ITV - Cold Feet.  One to avoid, of course.

Tuesday 14th

11:45am BBC1 - Caught Red Handed  Detectives follow a trail of blood that leads to an elusive thief.  Not that elusive, then!

8:00pm BBC2 - Cornwall: This Fishing Life  Competition is fierce as the ring-netters of Newlyn go out on the hunt.  This reads so much better if the 'h' in 'Fishing' is swapped with a 't'.

9:00pm C5 - Ben Fogle: New Lives In The Wild  This reads so much better if the 'e' in 'New' is swapped with an 'o'.

Wednesday 15th

12:05am C5 - Kerry Katona: In Therapy  Late night viewing for anyone who's desperate, depressed and discombobulated to fuck.

Thursday 16th

11:45am BBC1 - Caught Red Handed  A mum fears for her life as two men armed with an axe head for her room.  Well, she's got a keen eye, then..... no flies on her!

Friday 17th



8:00pm ITV - The Greek Islands With Julia Bradbury  Is anyone else a bit fed up with watching her being paid to go on holiday, and wander around?  I most certainly am.

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Saturday, 11 January 2020

11.1.20 Mad Utterances


The shite that leaves people's mouths is often grammatically pathetic, sometimes hilarious, but also mind numbingly stupid.  There are so many examples these days of tautology and inappropriate use of prepositions.  Here are some examples that I have gathered together for your attention.




Scotland's defence has been dessicated - unknown

New York are great at making pizzas - Chris Moyles

TSB offers interest to all their customers - TV advert

The orchestra try to emulate - Radio 4

MI5 themself have ... - Radio 4

A very crucial question - Ore Oduba

North Yorkshire Police's taskforce are out on patrol - unknown

It was problematised - unknown

It was tempered down - unknown

Without the media being able to ask the questions itselves - Helen Lewis

It one-channelises the water - unknown [wtf?]

England's 50-year wait to be world champions may be nearer -
Gary Richardson on Radio 4, talking shite

I just hope everyone at home enjoy it as well - Emma Barton on Strictly Come Dancing

People will need to meet certain criterion - Andrea Leadsom

If you want to reduce it down - Bloke on Gardeners' Question Time

You can control natural phenomenon - Radio 4 caller using singular not plural

Prevention is the other big criteria - The same Radio 4 caller, using plural not singular

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Thursday, 9 January 2020

9.1.20 Manipulative Meghan

Meghan Markle was always going to be trouble.  I said so when they got together, as did Mrs MWSC.  We watched them in their first joint interview on TV, and were certain of her being most unsuitable (forgive the pun).  The desperation to secure attention and a royal title was obvious, and the only question was - How long will it take her to fuck up Harry and the Royal Family?



Manipulative Meghan & Bewildered Buffoon

Not that long, it turns out.  She connived to secure her prize, and was the architect of the so-called problems that have arisen, and the gripes that are mentioned as reasons for unhappiness etc.  While she was destined to be a fucking pain in the arse and a disruptive influence, Harry was oblivious, or didn't give a fuck.  That complete stupidity and/or ignorance and/or disrespect for his position, privilege and standing is atrocious.  The cosseted nob needs to be let loose, if that's what he wants, but without a title and half a dozen Scotland Yard security people guarding him all the time.

Meghan Markle has performed a perfect hit and run mission, bagging her bloke (for now).  There is no doubt they will split up in the future.  This is all just a slightly more royal version of the Cheryl Tweedy & Liam Payne story.  So she's got her man, a baby, a title and the attention of the world, and now she's getting her own way.  Hoiked off to North America, willingly it seems, Harry is a sucker and a half - though I have no sympathy at all.



Yes, Bugger Off ASAP

Sadly, the media is obsessed with the pair of twats, and I am forced to sift through this shit to find some real news.   

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Wednesday, 8 January 2020

8.1.20 Beyonce Assault Of The Ears

How I have escaped until now I do not know, but I am thankful for the peace.  However, I have now experienced the pain that comes from listening to a 'song' on the radio by Beyonce - Run The World (Girls).  The repetition is as awful as the tuneless chanting, which in turn is as awful as the lyrics.  Basically, unless you are a moron, this will offend you.  Read and weep, and if you are suicidal, masochistic or stupid, try listening on YouTube.


Girls! We run this motha, woah, yep
Girls! We run this motha, woah, yep
Girls! We run this motha, woah, yep
Girls! We run this motha, woah, yep
Girls!
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Some of them men think they freak this
Like we do
But no they don't makes your cheque
Come at they neck
Disrespect us no they won't
Boy don't even try to touch this (touch this)
Boy diz beat is crazy (crazy)
This is how they made me (made me)
Houston, Texas, baby!
Diz goes out to all my girls that's
In the club rockin the latest
Who will buy it for themselves
And get more money later
I think I need a barber
None of these niggas can fade me
I'm so good with this
I remind you I'm so hood with this
Boy I'm just playin come here baby
Hope you still like me (if you hate me)
My persuasion can build a nation
Endless power with our love we can devour
You'll do anything for me
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
It's hot up in here DJ don't be
Scared to run this, run this back
I'm reppin for the girls who takin over the world
Let me raise a glass for the college grads
41 rollin to let you know what time it is, check
You can't hold me (can't hold me)
I broke my 9 to 5 and copped my cheque
This goes out to all the women
Gettin it you on yo grind
To the other men that respect what I do
Please accept my shine
Boy you know you love it how we're
Smart enough to make these millions
Strong enough to bear the children
Then get back to business
See, you betta not play me (me)
Don't come back here baby (b)
Hope you still like me (if you hate me)
My persuasion can build a nation
Endless power with our love we can devour
You'll do anything for me
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who are we? What we brought the world
(Who run diz motha) Yeah
Who are we? What we brought the world
(Who run diz motha) Yeah
Who are we? What do we run? We run the world
(Who run diz motha) Yeah
Who are we? What we run? We run the world
Who run the world? Girls (girls)

What the cunting fuck?

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8.1.20 Absolute Cock of the Day


This evening's journey on the A19 involved some jousting with a black BMW (what else) and the dangerous shenanigans resulting from the driver's undertaking, attempts to muscle in where there was no room, speeding and tailgating.  At one point I am 8 inches away from the tosser who tried to force me back as he tried to squeeze in the fast lane having zoomed up the inside the to bumper of a car ahead.

CY10 GZA

Wanker With Wheels

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