Now there's a question
Will
My ears were completely cunting assaulted by Shout performed by some of the twats that Will.e.wonka chose for his team. Lulu has a lot to answer for. A racket that was only topped by Emma Willis wailing at a higher pitch than a Peruvian football stadium. Ditch them all, Will. "You guys really took it to church," said Will, using a pathetic, nonsensical cunting analogy and cliche that has no fucking place in anyone's vocabulary. Rita talked bollocks, as did Tom Jones. "I know the Isley Brothers, and I know Lulu," said Tom, name-dropping as ever.
Ricky
"Ricky is tricky - he's the biggest threat," said Tom. Ha! "You're absolutely sensational," said Emma Willis, as the loser was grog-marched from the building, no one having turned to "steal" her. This competition is full of shit.
Rita
Marvin the Cunt decided to refer to Rita Ora as "Pop Royalty" - fucking TWAT! I left the room and got my chicken dinner, in preference to listening. Upon my return, Will was congratulating someone on an "awesome shirt" and I considered the relevance of this on a show that is called The Voice. Joe was selected by Rita; no idea whether he was any good - but unlikely. Tom and Will both tried to steal the bloke that Rita didn't want. He opted for Will and so the attempt to cut down the number of competitors was a failure.
Will
Both of them needed to be placed in the bin - and NOT the recycling one. This was NOT a battle but a double surrender . . . . capitulation and noise. Fuck off. The bollocks talked by Rita in summarising the performances was hilarious. "You both stood your ground," she said. Crap! "Team Turner is not ready to give up yet," said the big bird, just before she was forced to give up because none of the other coaches was interested in a 'steal'.
Tom
Tom being a "legend" wears so fucking thin when it's a weekly point of reference. These to were both dodgy as hell. "Toss a coin, Tom," said I, from the sofa. "Do you think age has relevance in music?" asked Marvin the Pointless. It's supposed to be about the voice, you idiot. Tom chose Rosa, but Ricky and Rita went for the steal. "You've got two to pick from," said the educated Marvin to Claudia, the teenager left behind.
Ricky
Hannah and Shellyann arrived on stage, and the spelling of the latter's name meant I was instantly rooting for Hannah. Neither was impressive on this song, and Stevie Nicks was no doubt squirming somewhere on the planet. "She's one of the few people I haven't met," said Tom, of Stevie. He then made a twat of himself by suggesting the performance we had just endured was "More powerful than Stevie's". WTF? There was no point in the battle at all, as Ricky confirmed he was going with the one who'd impressed him most at the 'Blinds', Hannah. Rita then stole Shellyann, with the help of the Shellyann's son.
Rita
"I know you'll both kill it," said Rita, when announcing her song choice for Clark and Olivia. "You stood your ground and really delivered," said Rita of Clark, before picking him. The steal option was taken by Ricky.
Tom
This country-sounding tosh was last on the bill, so that we could assess the warbling style of the 52-year-old, and the predictable noise of Roisin. The steal was never going to happen. A hug from Marvin was hardly a consolation for her.
Rita
This was horrendous - Mitch and a growling girl murdering Madonna, whose failed suicide attempt at the Brits meant she was in the running for this attention.
Tom
Howard and Stephanie were up next, and in the VT, I cringed at Howard's wailing. The sing-off was not entertaining. Tom picked Howard, and proved his lack of awareness. The steal was always on, considering all four coaches turned for Stephanie during the blind auditions. The hypocrisy stood out via the silence, as the other three decided they didn't want her.
Ricky
More wailing from blokes who tried to out-wail each other. Stevie and Tim stood alongside Marvin the Pointless, and heard Ricky announce Stevie as the winner.
Will
Lucy and Karl closed the battles, giving us an operatic backdrop. The shit from Cats was not really appropriate for this show. While I would have offered a tray of cat litter for them both to fill, it was up to I.am.an.Iams.cat to pick one to go through (the cat-flap). He kept Lucy. Tom stole Karl.
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