With some amusement I observed on Friday evening a few 'superior' passengers boarding the Ryanair flight to Leeds from Spain. A gamble on my part meant success for us in getting ahead of other passengers. I had predicted Gate B (actually 13B) and so the five of us made our way to the relevant passport control kiosk. It meant that when the screens showed the gate information, we were ahead of the game and at 13B (!) there were just a dozen or so passengers in front of us. A few passengers were being let through from the 'Priority Boarding' queue.
After just a minute or two, a full half hour before take-off time, the staff began checking boarding passes and the 'normal' passengers were on the move. This was surprising, but a welcome development and signalled an intent by Ryanair to get us on board asap. Just before we (our party was 5 in all) reached the front, a couple of 'Priority Boarding' customers managed to nudge through the queue and get to the front, to claim their right to speedy attention. The couple, a woman and a bald man, duly got checked through, about four spaces ahead of us. After we co-operated with the check regarding baggage size [which meant we were forced to slip the three largest (but small) cases into a metal frame, one after the other, even though they were clearly fucking identical] we proceeded to our advanced waiting point in the tunnel leading to the plane's front door.
So, the square tunnel started to fill up. We were probably about ten yards from the plane's door. After a short while, I looked behind me to see the tunnel filled with passengers; we'd all come to a halt and put baggage on the floor. I then noticed a strange phenomenon. It involved the stilted progress of two cunts (and the rest of their bodies) along the left hand edge of the tunnel. I couldn't work out why these two stern looking, unattractive females were muscling their way along the edge of the queue negotiating bags and people, huffing and puffing. I was on the other side of the six-foot wide tunnel and realised (too late) that there was no emergency requiring them to get past. No, the reason for their efforts to get further forward was the sticker a saw on the printed-out boarding details saying "Priority Boarding".
Now, I thought that Priority Boarding was an expensive extra that allowed staff at the Gate check-in to identify those entitled to be called first for boarding. Nowhere does it seem to say in the features and benefits that late-arriving cunts can hurdle over people and baggage in a packed tunnel to try and play catch-up. These two arses - actually I cannot call them that, and I apologise for my anatomical inconsistency - these two cunts thought it totally reasonable to start flashing their "Priority" sticker and insisting on getting past. As far as I am concerned, after the actual check-in gate, all passengers are equal. Alas, by the time I realised what they were up to, and especially as I was to the right a bit, they were passing.
However, I was so pleased to see a minute later that their progress had been halted just two places ahead of us. Leaning against the left wall, they were trapped. After a few seconds, I solved the mystery. Their flash of the "Priority Boarding" sticker had not worked when they came to the bald bloke. He was himself a Priority Boarding passenger, and so there was no basis for him to yield to the two itchy, niggly, nudging cunts. His sensible approach (ie. not hiring a snow plough to cut through the six or seven people in front of him who were not priority) meant gridlock was observed.
My satisfaction was real but not immense. I rather thought that the cunts should have been stapled to the side wall and slapped by the following 180 passengers as they passed by.
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