Tim Arnold
A pretentious attempt at singing a Kate Bush song slowly, with a weak voice and no real substance at all. No wonder he's got nowhere. Then, at the last second, Ricky decided to press his button! Idiot. "I ran in from the hotel this morning, listening to Kate Bush, and I saw you." Ricky disclosed his experience of seeing Tim, and a level of fatalistic shit that I didn't think possible. Ricky Witless strikes a-cuntin-gain.
Kim Alvord
Good song choice, and quite engaging. That didn't take away the fact that her pronunciation sucked completely, and this turned out to be a formulaic performance. Nothing distinctive. BUT . . yet again on the very last second a twat turned, and this time it was Tom Jones. Kim's gran will apparently be happy, as she confirmed to Tom. Will and Ricky sat on their lecterns, leering like silly kids, proving it's not about the voice at all. Tom conceded she's pretty, but mentioned it being about the voice; really? "I didn't expect her to be as pretty as that," said Tom. Yawn.
Dawn Allen
"Dawn with the horn" assaulted our screens with her appearance, and Mrs MWSC announced that she was now so much happier with her own appearance. But as if to confirm that it's all about 'the voice', she sang well and than played the trumpet! The best singer so far, and yet no CUNTING FUCK TURNED! What a shit programme, and panel of judges/coaches/wankers. "You've got a very mature vocal ability," said Rita Ora / Atora, confirming a level of patronising that I'd not thought possible, let alone appropriate.
Ross Harris
Marvin Humes twiddled a drumstick and thus proved he's a useless waste-of-space. Then, Ross did a bit of singing and drumming that marked him out as slightly interesting. Sadly his singing was not up to an awful lot. No one turned, and this was the right decision. "This show is called The Voice," said Tom, and I fell off the sofa in a moment of revelation - no I didn't!
The Mac Bros
"We are not actually brothers," was a fucking annoyance before a word had been sung. The VT mentioned the Beatles and The Cavern, and I was instantly unimpressed. The murdered mish-mash of shit was very quickly taken by Shredded Suet as worthy, while the rest of the country thought it was shit! Will mentioned "dope" three times, and I wanted to take some! Rita tried to defend her decision making process that was akin to a toss of a cunting coin. "Why didn't I turn - because I'm a plonker," said Ricky. Well you got the first part right (not turning) and the second part completely right (being a plonker).
Hollie Barry
Straight away I shouted "affected" to Mrs MWSC. The rap approach clearly appealed to Will.i.won't.i, and then Rita-lin followed suit after the wailing banshee "whoa-owed" a bit more. Then Tom managed to press his button (not a euphemism) ahead of Ricky's last second tap of the red blob. So the first performer who managed a full house of turning judges was not really up to the mark!
Ciaran O'Driscoll
WTF? Interesting . . . YES! No one turned, and so was confirmed the formulaic shit that pervades. His voice is weird, but likely to be something decent to work with. The pussies in the chairs were cunts by doing nowt. Rita Shredded Suet had 90 seconds to press her button, and then bemoaned her failure to press the button (supposedly) but it was the cliche comment that tried to excuse a non-action. "There isn't a game plan," muttered Ricky, later. Hmmm . . I reckon there's never been any plan to anything you do or say.
Morven Brown
Rita turned, and the hockey-socked girl from Glasgow was pleased. "If Rita hadn't turned, I would have turned," said Ricky. Be yourself, you twat.
Oli Bond
He should be from Basildon (if you get that, you're old) but was never worth a chair-spin. It's about the voice, and his singing (shouting) was below par. Tom managed a quick name drop (Frank Sinatra) before we all moved on with our lives.
Rosa Lamele
Tom and Ricky managed to defy time and press their button with a quarter of a second before the end. The sixteen-your-old was interesting to the nth degree. Tom won her.
Sharon Murphy
I shouted out "Warning, vehicle reversing," to Mrs MWSC, as the weird noise transmitted itself from my TV speakers. Tom and Ricky turned late on, and her uniqueness seemed to pay off. Tom talked the biggest load of bollocks I've heard for a week (since his last effort) and then it was Ricky's turn. She went with Tom, not surprisingly.
DTwinz
The twins opted for Rita. They were worthy enough, but I expected Will to be chosen.
Cai Williams
A standard sound that was never likely to engage any of the coaches/judges. Too much shouting, and no individuality. Then, as if by magic and stupidity, Tom Jones managed to hit the button in time. The South Wales connection was rather less than enlivening . . boring I'd say. Tom used the "powerful" crap, and we all lost interest.
Stephen Bloy
A caretaker at a christian day centre is a qualification that was never likely to entitle him to get anywhere on The Voice. He sang as though he was in a crappy musical, and/or Andrew Lloyd Webber farce. This was not an appropriate participant for The Voice. "You should be in a show in musical theatre," said Tom. Actually accurate.
Olivia Lawson
Tom abstained while the other three turned, and there's no denying that her voice was interesting, and good. The 6th form student was able to choose between three judges, and the fact that she's 17 and pretty means it's not about the voice. The lipstick-match meant Rita was chosen.
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