It was with an unsurprising level of bemusement and disgust that I clocked the names of the participants in this Channel 4 programme that's about to get underway. One on the sixteen has rather jumped the gun, though, in terms of her relationship. Yes, Jodie Kidd has called time on her second marriage and jumped ship after just four months. To have done so just four months after raving about her relationship being 'for ever', and taking payment from Hello! is laughable. With such credentials, surely she's a favourite to win?
The other's in the line-up are for the most part the same second-rate hangers-on who have participated in other so-called reality shows before. When will commissioning twats in television present us with something entertaining, and rather more varied than attendees for 'anything going', picked from the standard register of C-listers? There have been some casualties in recent weeks, so Ola Jordan and Sally Bercow had to withdraw. Just why Ola thought it appropriate to join in at all is beyond me, though I take some mild delight in the latter having come a cropper.
Davina hosts the show
Louie Spence - need I say anything at all in respect of his participation? I think not. Phil Tufnell has surfaced near the snow in contrast to his I'M A GOOCH (anagram) appearance. Another from that show is Stacey Solomon; nice girl maybe, but for goodness sake can't we find someone new? Heather Mills? WTF? Her inclusion is a mix of being McCartney's ex, and having a leg missing. Her touting of these two 'attributes' as qualifications for being considered for shows is apparently working, sadly. The fact that she's already mastered skiing to a high standard means that she has an advantage!
Chloe Madeley (her of the Dancing On Ice past) has obviously used her name to get re-noticed for a show, unashamedly promoting herself rather beyond her inherent level of appeal to anyone other than a boyfriend.
Is there no end to the appetite of audiences for Joey Essex? This bloke smiles his way through jungles, via IACGMOOH as well as on trips to visit gorillas, and also on any panel shows going. I am bored with him. Ashley Roberts, the ubiquitous ex-jungle girl is included for reasons that escape me. Back to the un-reality that's Made In Chelsea for another lightweight contender, and Louise Thompson. My successful avoidance of such shite means I've no idea who she is. The inclusion of someone described as a "socialite" is an affront to humanity, let alone entertainment. Nevertheless, Lady Victoria Hervey has a place in the line-up. A Jackass bloke seems to have rocked up as well, someone by the name of Steve-O, possibly to be renamed Steve-O-Dear depending on how long he lasts.
As seems now to be an exercise in political correctness, there's a paralympian included, Jon-Allan Butterworth. Whilst I of course admire anyone's determination to thrive despite difficulties arising from disability, in this case the loss of an arm, I am still convinced that the commissioning editors insist these days on someone who ticks such a box being included. The last time I saw this was on Splash, when the bloke with no legs was expected to compete with those with legs, and judges were expected to be able to make a fair comparison of his efforts against those whose whole approach to diving was necessarily and obviously completely different. There is a great difference between sinful discrimination, and ludicrous inclusion, and in some cases the decision making appears rather dubious. The Jump has out-performed this time, with one missing leg and a missing arm. Again, I am cynical about motives rather than against the individuals' participation.
Back to the more frivolous comments, and an Olympian contribution is of course the norm these days, so Louise Hazel gets a chance to add jumping around in the cold to her already established prowess in the heptathlon, something that no doubt gives her some sort of physical advantage.
Then we come to Mike Tindall, whose qualification for consideration comes rather less from his being an ex-rugby player than his marriage to Zara Phillips. Still, as has been established in the press a number of times, this couple gets no state funding so has to rely on sponsorship, and various other money-making efforts that see the duo participating in some un-royal (if not unsavoury) things.
It is so easy to overlook any of the ex-JLS people, apart of course from Marvin Humes, who manages to annoy while contributing absolutely nothing of value on The Voice. JB Gill is on The Jump, for some reason yet to be identified.
This brings us finally to the only participant whom I truly believe adds some interest to proceedings - Dom Parker from Gogglebox. Sadly I suspect that his language will be rather more carefully vetted, but I do hope he gets on well with the various activities.
All in all, then, The Jump is a Cunt of a show that exploits the viewers' combined appetite for shit served to them under the claimed guise of some sort of national event that cannot be missed. Well, in this household, everything about the thing will be purposefully missed. If I were to engage in any way at all, then it would be a very, very slippery slope.
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