Anyone who gets an opportunity to peruse the latest catalogues from Next will see that the company has lost the plot when it comes to the descriptions it now employs. Instead of following convention (not to mention the English language!) the twats at Next have decided to introduce pretentiousness by way of pathetic and affected terms when referring to items of clothing.
I must register, first of all, my annoyance at the use of Hoody rather than Hoodie. The generally accepted convention is that the latter is preferable for the item of clothing, but I am not in the least surprised to find Next opting for the less common approach. Alongside this are the numerous instances of pathetic uses of 'English'. The Label catalogue contains outrageous stuff.
Here are some examples:
Adidas Nitro Short [NO, fucking Shorts!]
Adidas Zip Through Hoody [NO, Hoodie!]
Adidas Grey Messi Jogger [NO, Jogging Bottoms!]
Adidas Black Run Tight [NO, Tights!]
Nike Navy Camo Crew [NO, Crew Neck Top!]
Red Print Swim Short [NO, you cunts, Swimming Shorts!]
All Over Print Block Sweat [Fucking NO, Sweat Shirt!]
Black Rusty Jean [NO, Jeans!]
Tommy Hilfiger Polo [NO, Polo Shirt!]
Animal Pink Stripe Flip Flop [NO, NO, NO, Flip Flops!]
Multi Print Legging [Twats . . . Leggings!]
Blue Print Trouser [Just fuck off . . . it's Trousers!]
Asics Patriot 7 Trainer [NO, Trainers!]
Dr Martens Tan 4 Eye Shoe [What, fucking one of them?]
Navy Poplin Tartan Pump [As above, just the cuntin' one?]
Lacoste CSU Trainer [Again, only one footed people need order!]
Sherbrooke Brogue [Yet again, one-footed people can be satisfied!]
Pretty Green Desert Boot [I am bored, now, are you?]
Vital Woven Cuff Pant [PANTS, you idiots!]
Navy Flag Polo [That'll be a Polo Shirt!]
Lyle & Scott Navy Chino [NO, Chinos!]
Shoe/Loafer/Brogue/Boot/Sandal . . All fucking singular; I want a PAIR!
Beige Suede Platform . . . but not a train in fucking sight!
Leather Quilted Ballerina . . but not a cunt in a tutu in sight!
Whistles Daphne Loafer Sneaker . . . a double singular fuck up!
Whistles Haldi Slider [This is apparently a fucking £130 pair of slippers!]
Adidas Black Run Tee [NO, a cunting Running T-Shirt!]
Adidas Flash Orange Response Tank [Fuck Off! It's not a tank!]
Comfort Hipster Brief [NO, fucking briefs!]
LK Bennett Kat Navy Shopper [NO, it's a fucking Shopping Bag]
Black Zip Top Clutch [A Clutch is found on a cunting car!]
Top, singular, Yes.
Vest, singular, Yes.
T-Shirt, singular, Yes.
Jumper, singular, Yes.
Tracksuit, singular, Yes.
I note that there is reference to Denim Dungarees, and not Dungaree, and Sunglasses retain the last two letter, so it's clearly possible for the twats in charge to opt for the conventional and appropriate plural version. Espadrilles have an 's'.
Shit Description / Product Award
Lee Scarlett Skinny Mid-Rise Waist Jean in Deep Clush - £102
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