26.7.12 Daft Statements Etc.

Fidget For Longer Life

A recent study has claimed that people who fidget could live longer than those who sit still for long periods.  Dr Wilby Williamson recently said:

"Reducing sitting time makes us better at breaking sugars and fats down."

If anyone thinks this statement of the cuntin' obvious tells us something new, please twirl around a maypole, and clap 87 times!

Burglary

David Stedman was sentenced last month to three years in prison by Judge Patrick Hooton.  The offender had been let out on licence after a string of burglaries, and proceeded to commit another one.  The admonishment for his continued breaking of the law included the following:

"Every time someone is burgled it's a serious intrusion."

What a pathetic confirmation of the fucking obvious!

Speeding

A biker caught speeding a few weeks ago was apparently travelling at 110mph with his daughter on the back.  He escaped a ban at the Magistrates Court.  There were two wonderful statements which I can relay; the first was from the Chairwoman Patricia Eccleston:

"The place for these sorts of speeds is on the race track."

The further point of interest is a statement by someone called Richard Coteau, of 'Brake' (which apparently wants lower speeds) who said:

"Riding at 110mph is utterly perilous.  It reduces the opportunity to react."

Thanks, Richard, for your confirmation of the fucking obvious.

Rail Tickets

A few weeks ago, a woman took her bike on a train journey from Leeds to Leicester, which involved one change at Sheffield.  The ticket machine spewed out 14 tickets, to cover the journey and reservations for her seat and her bike.  It was reported (with poor grammar) that the Association of Train Companies was looking at reducing the amount of tickets [rather than "the number of tickets" which would have been correct] passengers need.  A spokesman said:

"Fourteen tickets does seem excessive."

Percentage Error

James Eden is the boss of a menswear brand, Private White VC.  Apparently the company is doing rather well, and advocates the 'made in Britain' approach, rather than looking at overseas manufacturing for his range of clothing.  However, he managed the rather silly comment:

"We're making huge efforts to promote, expand and export a factory brand that is 110% British."

Sorry, chap, but something cannot be 110% British, because that's more than its whole being!  That's as mad as me saying I'm half English, half Welsh and half Irish.

George Osborne

For some strange reason, the same figure was used by the Chancellor of the Exchequer on 25th July.  A news report showed him stating:

"I am 110% focused on the economy."

I suggest that the economy might be in better shape, George, if you could cuntin' add up!

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