Who'd be a Rwandan gorilla, eh? Talk about a heavy schedule. These poor chaps are in such demand that they don't even get a break at Christmas. Someone at ITV has really fucked up this year. First the decision was made to let Steve Bishop loose in the jungle to gawp at gorillas. Second, the same cunt decided to let Griff Rhys Jones out of his cage to tell us that it will yet again be alright on the night.
The gorillas obviously had to check their Filofaxes to give Bishop a slot, because they most certainly have little respite from people all over the globe trotting to Rwanda, gnashing their teeth, and being desperate to endanger the endangered species. What with Joey Essex recently being pointed in the direction of some gorillas, I would have thought the primates would have banned UK visitors. Still, if every country is sending idiots, comedians, survival nobs and 'celebrities' to have a gawp, then the 365 days in the year must be well and truly spoken for.
It was probably a blessing for the Rwandan tribe to learn that the BBC had used its allotted time, what with Attenborough scratching around every year, and that Gordon Buchanan had booked with the Grauer Gorillas of the Democratic Republic of Congo. Still, at least he is a wildlife cameraman, rather than someone with no business bothering a chimp, let alone a gorilla. So, back to Bishop, then. He's a nice enough chap, even if he does speak at 1.3 mph, and labour every joke more than the warden in a fucking prison camp getting inmates to split rocks. There is no excuse, though, for sending a comedian to the jungle, when he opts not to be funny at all. The logic is nuts and the reasoning bananas. ITV may as well have sent Barbara Windsor - in fact, that would have been Jackpot Cunting Joy for all, surely? [Obviously with NO cameras and NO return ticket]
Tonight, Griff Rhys Jones will hog the ITV screen, causing more offence than Michael Bublé and his crooning, let alone the accented 'e'. Still, Bublé only seems to escape his bubble at Christmas, so perhaps I ought to be thankful. GRJ gets rather more (too much) exposure for my liking. He is basically as pointless as 2012 remake of the Spiderman film. Yesterday ITV showed The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) which added completely fuck-all to the 2002 original, and no doubt cost many millions to make.
Channel 5 has, for New Year's Day, lined up Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes. Sadly it has been "edited for blood and violence". This cautionary note is, I think, confirmation that the cunts have removed some of the original film, rather than put some extra portions in. This tampering is despicable, and wholly out of order.
On a final 'gorilla' note, I saw that Greg Wallace proved himself to be a twat on Masterchef - not that there was ever any doubt whatsoever.
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